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12+ Language Violence

Look At Me, I'm Smiling

by Bubblewrap44


Adrianna wasn't your everyday girl.

She had it all, fame, popularity, and a great social life. But yet, she always thought there was something missing, a part of her always felt incomplete.

Seldom, she planted a grin on her face and made her way through the day. After all, the Queen Bee couldn't be seen depressed. She made sure no one saw her as inferior.

She set trends, she created followers, she chiselled the path for others to follow.

There would always be a part of her missing, even after letting go.

It all started when she hosted her 16th birthday at her home. With her loving mother who helped her plan all the decorations and helped her match her clothes and color themes like her life depended on it.

She planned on graduating in two semesters and getting into one of the best colleges. Ah.. College life- A place where you drink cheap beer and protest about subjects you have no idea about.

Her life seemed perfect then. Her dad loved her and her mother unconditionally, and irrevocably. Every Friday night they'd have dinner at- Al's Diner. It was always the same menu- two spinach salads and a veggie burger with extra fries. Although her father was hardly home, he showered her with physical affection that got too over-whelming sometimes. Her mother sometimes would watch with a grim expression. But it was her family, nothing to complain about.

They were the family everyone wanted to have- Adrianna Pierce's family. They seemed perfect.

But life, as we know it, is never constant. If it is, then, like a heartbeat monitor, which when goes constant depicts a person’s death. This depicts the end of one’s life. So, it's like a raging storm that shows after a calm, peaceful afternoon.

She was dancing her heart out. Everyone from school was there, of course. It was social suicide if you didn't attend a party of ADRIANNA PIERCE. The social hierarchy was clearly evident.

Mrs. Pierce was in her bedroom, anticipating the events that would probably unfold that evening. Jordan Pierce, her husband for all intents and purposes was on his business trip.

But whenever he was in town and Adrianna was away, she faced brutality.

She would be abused by her own husband. Not only physically but emotionally, as well. Mainly because when physicality is used as a tool, you become vulnerable.

She would beg and please him not to tell their daughter- That beautiful girl. She was a beautiful, genuine girl. She instead obliged to take his lashings. She would do anything for their little, baby girl.

Jordan used to be a great man, until he became a compulsive alcoholic.

It happened six months ago. It's funny how when addiction strikes you, you never feel it-

Her thoughts were disturbed by a booming voice that was slurred- 'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?- GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, EVERYONE. NOW!'

Kathy Pierce drew in a sharp breath, what she prayed for, not to happen for days was unfolding right downstairs. After shuffling of feet and grumbling of teenagers, she heard her daughter yell- 'What is wrong with you dad?!'

That was responded with a stinging sound. She flinched and raced downstairs.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her, Jordan. We had a deal."

Jordan responded with a snicker, “Don't tell me what to do y-you worthless woman. You just stand at the sidelines and watch our beautiful daughter" he snickered and went closer to Adrianna.

"Stay back, Jordan, please." By now Kathy had tears in her eyes and looked at her daughter who was in the same broken state.

"So you mean to say, this, this girl doesn't know?" He let out a chuckle "Well, that's classic. Poor mommy, fighting to keep her baby girl safe."

Adrianna was too shocked to even speak; words weren't forming in her mouth. But she did see one thing. Her father drew out a shiny gun and shot Kathy right at the heart. Right in front of Adrianna. Kathy Pierce fell back limp on the floor with a thud.

"Well daddy hasn't been such a good boy now.. Has he? Well, I'll tell you what. I have one bullet l-left.. I'm not contemplating if I should s-stick it in your worthless head or mine?" He slurred with a sly smirk plastered on his face.

Adrianna was seething red and broken- She felt numb. She couldn't feel any emotion pulse through her anymore, she couldn't decipher her thoughts.. She just saw her mother die. She saw how her eyes rolled to the back of her head and how she collapsed. She saw everything. She couldn't take it.

Without comprehending what next to do, she saw the shiny silver handle of the front door and she took a last look at her drunk father. With the little sense in her left she deliberated for just a second because she didn't have much time to spare. There would be no way he could catch up to her- not in his present state is mind, at least.

So she got up and bolted right outside the door. She ran and ran without looking back. After a certain distance she heard a gunshot and police sirens. This was her cue. She continued running until a car came by.

After formalities, and umpteen pretenses, she was allowed to stay at her aunt's house. She was cold inside. She couldn't comprehend what others said to her for weeks.

She woke up every night, for a long time, drenched with sweat and pain radiating through her body. Once she had bit her tongue hard enough to draw blood. Blood she had thought was her father's. 

Pain was the most prominent emotion she was going through. Everything seemed insignificant to her now, nothing mattered anymore. 

The time that passed by was insignificant as well.

On the morning of her 18th birthday. Two years after the most horrific chapter of her entire life, where she lost herself and her identity.. Who was this Adrianna? No one knew. Nothing mattered anymore.

Never the less, she was woken up by her aunt who smiled and hugged her and handed her a necklace with a letter.

"It was your moms favorite necklace and the letter is something you'd like to read." With saying that her aunt left her to dwell in her own thoughts. Adrianna held on to the necklace and timidly opened the letter.

Her sense of smell was immediately invaded by the smell of lavender. Sure it was stale, but it smelled like Kathy. The soothing effect immediately wrapped around her like a blanket and she welcomed it. She felt serene. She brought the letter closer to her nose and took in a deep breath again and smiled at the familiarity. She then moved on to read the words written to her. 

"Dear Adrianna,

I hope Denise has given this to you when you're old enough to read it. I'm probably not a part of your life as a living being anymore. I haven't written you this to tell you I'm watching you over your shoulder- I know how much you hate that. I don't want to talk about your father either.

I married at a young age, I was naive, I was blinded by love. I would never leave the man. No matter what he did. I probably got what I deserve, wherever I am.

I wanted to tell you about letting go. You can't be cold to everyone around you. That's not the daughter I raised.

When mere materials like these are something we hold on to so dear.. Letting go of people is probably a whole different platform.

If someone leaves our lives, we become vulnerable, depending, or sometimes.. To the opposite person, over-bearing.

When all that happens, we lose control of our own lives and let others control it. We let them decide out happiness or sadness. So, we're reduced to 'rag dolls'.

We all have to let to at some point. Holding on just makes our life more miserable.

Let it take 3 years.. Or even 10. Each day, take baby steps to let go. You feel as if a heavy weight is lifted off your shoulders. Imagine your petite frame carrying the burden of the world? After all, sweetie, life is too short to be pent up.

I'm always around, you know that. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. I love you very much, I always will. No matter where I am.

Just know that I'm sorry.. I tried my best protecting you- all my life.

You should've known about him sooner but I couldn't muster the courage to come tell you.. It was hard.

I know this isn't the best way to put it forth.. But I loved your father. I loved him so much. We were the perfect family until fate took its toll on us. His addiction went unnoticed until now.

Now this very day when I've come to writing this to you.. Is when I'm worried about your safety and mind.

I hope the day for you to read this never comes and when you have grandchildren and I'm sitting across the room laughing with you.. Denise would sigh and rip this letter apart.

But life isn't a bed of roses. Thorns do persist in every stalk. You my dear, are the beautiful lush petals.

So I'd just like to thank you one last time for making my life darling.

I was just a mere chapter in your vivid, colourful world. Go make your stance. The daughter I raised doesn't mope.

Love always,

Mom"

After reading the last sentence, Adrianna let out her penned anger, her frustration, her annoyance, her rage. She did something he hadn't done in two whole years- She cried. She cried for her mother who was the most important aspect of her life. She cried for her deranged father; he was a horrible man but still- her father. She friend for the 'perfect life' She thought she once had. She cried for the things she lost. Most of all, she cried for herself. 

Soon, Adrianna started college. She did have a few mishaps with the people who knew about her wretched past.

Pity was the last thing she wanted.

After all, history only remembers the battles; it forgets the blood. 


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Fri Jul 11, 2014 5:57 pm
ccwritingrainbow wrote a review...



This story was heartbreaking as I read it. Poor Adrianna. I almost cried when I read this. Still, there are things that you can fix.

"16th" is "sixteenth."

I feel as if this needs more detail. It just goes off from event to event with a finger snap.

I think you are using the dashes as commas. Personally I wouldn't do that. Just use the commas because it would be easier for the readers to read.

"What is wrong with you, Dad?" Two things. One, if dad is used as a name, it has to be uppercased. Two, "?!" is not used in fiction. If it's a question, even when shouted, it's still a question mark. If it's a shout only, use the exclamation mark.

Then, commas are missing. You need to add those.

18th is eighteenth.

3 is three.

10 is ten.

The emotion you put into this story is perfect. Keep it, but put in some more for the full effect.




Bubblewrap44 says...


Thank you :)
Also for the debriefing with the numbers, thanks? :) (I meant to use a hyphen there, I controlled.)

I'll keep it all in mind



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Fri Jul 11, 2014 3:25 pm
FatCowsSis wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here to review for you!

First of all, I love the story. It's beautiful and the concept is absolutely amazing. Although a bit cliche, you made it in a way that made it seem not so cliche (If that makes any sense whatsoever).

While I don't have many nitpicks, there is at least one thing that stood out to me.

She friend for the 'perfect life' She thought she once had.

Okay, so the first thing I've bolded is the word friend. I think you meant cried. That really confused me. And secondly, the 's' in she should be lowercase.
She cried for the 'perfect life' she thought she once had.

And I'm not sure id it should be in 'this' or "this". Both work, I guess. XD

That's really all. Nitpick-wise. I will point out my favorite part though.
After all, history only remembers the battles; it forgets the blood.

This is an amazing last line. That is how you finish a story.

Obviously, I hold a much more different opinion that EmeraldEyes. But we are all entitled to our own opinion, and that's okay. I look forward to reading more from you. Keep writing, and as always keep smiling!

-Sis




Bubblewrap44 says...


Thank you so much :)
THE FRIEND THIS WAS A MISTAKE :'( The upper case was also meant to be 's'

I'm very grateful :)



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Fri Jul 11, 2014 7:22 am
EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi.

I didn't like this piece. I will be honest. The reason, is because of the character. This person:

Adrianna wasn't your everyday girl.

Sounds very arrogant. XD
I think there are better alternatives to this opening, making the character sound a little more likable.

I don't understand whether this is a preview? Or a prologue or something? But basically, you have this kind of retrospective sound to your writing, like everything has already happened and you are just going back over the events for the reader, kind of like a news reporter:

She would be abused by her own husband. Not only physically but emotionally, as well. Mainly because when physicality is used as a tool, you become vulnerable.

She would beg and please him not to tell their daughter- That beautiful girl. She was a beautiful, genuine girl. She instead obliged to take his lashings. She would do anything for their little, baby girl.


I think the tone of this was a little bit... meh. XD

I just don't like Adrianna. I'm sorry.

Keep writing!




Bubblewrap44 says...


Hi :)
I understand that you didn't like her character. To be very frank she was SUPPOSED to be the queen bee with problems of her own.
Many people these days assume that the popular kids have no brain or that they have a perfect life.
The point of this story was to highlight the fact that most of the people who smile the entire day and pretend that they have the most glamorous lives is most of the times, a facade.

But I will keep your opinions in mind. Thank you :)




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