My mind lingers between heaven and earth, not knowing which to settle down to. I am partly counsious of where I am. No where. As hard as I try to open them my eyes stay clamped shut. I wait for something to happen, for my mind to decide for me and it does.
A bright, bright light. White light. Shinning down on me reflecting off almost anything in it's reach. Blinding me. Shock, I was- am still in shock. Am I dead? I must be. My eyes drift down to my shaking hands. I hold them up to the bright white light. I can now see by my thin, bony hands that I must've been under for at least a week. Not suprising really as I have been in a coma for much longer in my lifetime. I am in a hospital, a bloody hospital. I gaze round at the unfamiliar instruments lying beside me. Nope definetaly not dead!
I can faintly make out a nurse enter my privite hospial room with a clipboared in her clammy hands. When her eyes meet mine I see relief overcome her. I can see she wants to jump for joy but she tries to control her self. "Miss. Ryson! You're awake!" she shouts a bit too loud.
I finally ask the question that has been burning a hole in my brain."How long was I out for?"
"Miss. Ryson you were in a coma for almost a year, 10 months!" she claims.
" 10 MONTHS!" I squeek ( my voice still rusty) but I can't have it was only shock from the funeral.
" Oh no Miss. Ryson you had a full on cardiac arrest" she says once again way too loud.
"caused by what?" I ask.
"We still arn't sure" she says. " You were lucky you didn't die" she continues. " your saviour was someone who knew a cardiac arrest when he saw one. A doctor, one of ours" she says once again with a smile on her face.
I slump back on to my bed forcing my self to accept what I just heard. A sudden bang! The door bursts open and in comes my mother. I see a blur of blonde hair, then a glimps of a blue shirt. She stands over me as I lie facing the white light. Blinding me once again but on purpose so I can't look my wrinkled mother in the eye. But I know she looms above my head saying words I can 't understand as her voice is blurred with tears. I feel something wet drop on my forehead, then again on my arm. Tears. Not my own but familiar, they belong to my mother. She forces me to sit up in bed and to take a sip of water- I drain the cup, still thirsty for more. I can see her face properly now, her tired eyes distinctive by the bags that hang dreadfully under her eyes and her blotched face, not a sign of makeup in sight on her worn down face. Unnoticably I have aged 10 months but even more unnoticalbly so has she, she looks like she has aged about 10 years. I can just about make out my reflection in her glitering eyes I know she is 38 now and I am 17 no longer 16 but we both look as though we have aged 10 years at least! I wrap my arms around her neck and her hugs me back.
I am not aloud out of hospital for another week. They have already done about a million tests on me in the last 8 hours I have been concious of anything. But they soon found the cause of my cardiac arrest. Apperently I had a heart desiese I didn't know I had before it happend and with all the shock from the funeral I had a cardic arrest. The funeral. I forgot, how I wish Rosa would come bursting through the hospital doors, arms filled with flowers. But she's dead so that's impossible. My head tilts upward hoping to see her in heaven. I can imagine angelic wings on her back and a shimmering halo above her head floating with no strings attactched. A white flowing dress floating at her heels. Another angelic look on her face as she floats off into the distance but of course this is just a frigment of my surreal imagination. As soon as the familiar voice of my mother wakes me up from my daydream I leap back under into a deep sleep as a surging pain shoots through my arm, a needle.
I dream of the accident I picture it clearly in my head. The swirling colour of the coach seats even. I am laughing whilst I watch her dance and sing in the aisle. I encourage her. A big mistake. Her beautiful voice singing in perfect tune drains out the sound the rain makes when It is battering on the windows. Then she moves further down the aisle towards the driver who is humming along but the the teachers are willing her to get back in to her seat. I wish she did. She dismissed them with a dramatic wave of her hand. Her foot slips on some left over sick that has been there for years. Rosa falls onto the driver causing him to smash into the side of the motarway wrecking the front of the coach, no harm done. But then the roof collapses, earsplitting screams fills the air. Almost everyone ended up in hospital but one death. Rosa's. Luckily the driver suvived because Rosa took full impact of the roof protecting him. Even in a dream, I can make out the smell of blood lingering in the air, then I see it a drop of blood on the floor. Rosa is covered in it.
My mind skips the next few details but the nightmare ends with the whole of our class including the teachers going home in about 9 ambulances. I broke my arm in the accident. I can remeber the exilerating pain shooting through my arm, a pain that never left my arm till I was in hospital. 2 teachers and 6 students ended up in full body casts for about 6 months or thats what they told me. I was lucky as I hid under a coach seat as I saw the roof wavering up above threatening to crush us all. I didn't utter a word but slid under my seat while everyone suffered. By sliding back out again is when I broke my arm the purple and green coach seat fell on to my arm braking it in 5 places!
My mind surges back to the sureal life I am forced to live. I finally let go of Rosa as I push the nightmare to the the back of my mind. Mother and about 4 nurses are fanning me with magazines willing me to wake up but I keep my eyes clamped shut enjoying these few moments of tranquility. But as always the tranquility ends with the sound of my mother's booming voice.