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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

My Place or Yours? [Part 2]

by queerelves


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Note: This piece isn't quite a novel, but it's not necessarily a short story either. It's almost entirely about the characters, and it won't have a very solid plot. I don't know how long it'll be, and since there won't be a clear resolution I'm planning to continue it indefinitely. This isn't really relevant to Part 2, just something I figured I should throw in. 

The air outside is cold, bitter. It adds an extra ten minutes on the walk to Jules' apartment, but he uses the weather as an excuse to press close to Christian. When he feels him shivering between their layers of clothes and jackets, he plants a kiss on his cheek and promises, "We'll be there in, like, five minutes. Do you want my scarf? Here."

Jules pulls off the knitted scarf, tossing it around both of their necks and giggles. "Look, it's like we're in a romcom full of straight people." When Christian gives him an odd look, he shushes him and says, "Give me a break, I'm tipsy." It makes them both laugh.

The rest of the walk is short, shorter because they spend it grinning and joking. They get to the apartment without any trouble, and without losing feeling in their fingers or toes.

It’s clean, especially for a twenty-something, and clean enough to impress Christian. The room is bordered with a single wall of shelves, stacked with books and movies and a few shirts that haven’t gotten put in drawers yet. Windows dot the wall adjacent to it, and there are at least a dozen potted plants scattered in front of them. A leather couch sits in front of a glass coffee table, and that’s where Jules leads him. “You can sit down. I’m still freezing, I’m going to make something hot to drink. Do you want anything?”

“Tea?” Christian mumbles, his attention caught by a violin and a stack of sheet music on the table. He hovers over it, humming the first measure of a piece whose title is hidden. "How long have you been playing? The violin, I mean."

Jules spins back around, and he smiles at Christian and then the violin. "Ages. Like, ages. I started when I was seven, so it's been about fifteen years. It was my major- wait, fuck, don't get me to start talking about music. You'll never get me to shut up."

"Mm, that's alright."

"Good, because you'll hear it eventually. Okay, what kind of tea do you want? I've got, like, every type of tea you can think of. I have a whole damn cabinet full of tea."

"Oh. Uh... regular tea?" He shrugs, afraid to ask, What kind of tea is Lipton?

"I'll just make you some Earl Grey" Jules swings open the door to a small cabinet, pulling down metal jars and looking at their labels.

Ten minutes and twenty tea-related questions later—Honey? Sugar? Milk? How strong?—he brings over two mugs. When he hands Christian his, he makes sure that their hands brush against each other.

“Careful, it’s hot,” Jules cautions. He keeps his in his hands, smelling it but not drinking the tea that’s still steaming.

Christian is not so careful. He takes a gulp of his, nearly spilling his glass when he yelps, “Shit, that’s hot.”

Jules laughs again—at him, this time. “Did you think I was kidding?”

From there on, the tea drinking becomes less dangerous and the small talk more flirtatious. Jules moves both of their mugs to the table before he slides close to Christian. They both spend a moment hesitating, and the silence becomes almost awkward. "How fast do you want this to move?" Jules almost whispers it, afraid to break the silence too suddenly.

Christian responds just as quietly, but for him it has nothing to do with the volume. "I'm- nervous? I'm sorry. Would you mind if we did this kind of slow?"

"That's perfect. We can do this as slowly as you want, just let me know when you want to take it to the bedroom, alright?" He takes the nod as an invitation to continue, leaning in and kissing him. At first, it's awkward, almost uncomfortable for the both of them—but then Christian relaxes into it and kisses him back. Guess kissing girls gives you just as much practice...

The thought quickly fades away, fades into,He's good. It's too sloppy to be a picture perfect scene, but that doesn't change the fact that it's making them both breathe harder, kiss harder. It's just when Jules is sliding his hand under Christian's belt that Christian mutters, "Can we-"

"My room?"

"Please."

Jules leads him to one of only four doors in the apartment, warning, “My bedroom is a bit messier than the rest of the apartment.” Christian thinks, That’s an understatement, when he has to step over dirty laundry and an empty cereal box. “Ugh, sorry, I didn’t have time to clean up.”

The bed is free of debris, and Christian feels comfortable enough to sit down on it. Jules joins him, saying, “This is easier if we get undressed before hand.”

Jules helps him slide the sweater over his head, and he smiles as he undoes the button of his jeans. Christian is slow to kick off his pants and everything that follows, but he’s soon left unclothed—and overly aware of it. On the other hand, Jules takes no time getting his clothes off. He carelessly tosses them all to the floor, and then plants a kiss on Christian’s cheek. “Are you sure you want to do this? You seem hesitant.”

“Yeah… I do, I mean. But it feels like having sex for the first time all over again, you know?” He shrugs, but turns to look at Jules and smiles.

“Ah, yeah, I can understand that. You at least know more than you did your first time, though.” When Christian looks doubtful, he says, “Oh boy. Do you know anything about fooling around with a guy?” Christian’s expression gives him his answer. “Am I going to need to give you gay sex ed? I think I’m going to need to give you gay sex ed.”

Jules hops up, turning to his nightstand and pulling open drawers. He tosses their contents on the bed. Condoms, lube, a handful of sex toys, and some things that Christian doesn’t know the name of. Jules takes the time to explain to him, giving him as much information as he needs and wants and making sure he knows what the night is going to entail. When he’s certain that they’re on the same page, he puts everything back in the drawers, leaving out only a few items.

“Here, I don’t want my sheets messy.” He holds out a condom to Christian, helps him slide it on. He tenses when Jules touches him, but the more it happens the more he gets used to it.

Jules moves carefully, brushing his fingers over Christian's chest, his thighs, and everywhere else. He stretches over to kiss the side of his neck, ending up straddling him for a better angle.

He plants kisses down his jawline, down his neck, his collarbone. Christian lets out a muffled moan, squirming—a good kind of squirming—at every kiss. There are more moans and harder breathing the lower Jules goes.

Jules' hands are far from idle, teasingly brushing the insides of Christian's thighs. Soon, he stops teasing.

Hands soon turn to mouths, and when he has Christian panting and moaning, he tells him to turn over. Jules leads him into it with fingers and plenty of lube. His shyness has worn off, and he’s soon insisting that has to have more. He gets it when Jules eases himself into him. Christian draws in a sharp breath, and at first, he tries to keep his noises small and quiet. Once Jules promises no one can hear them, all bets are off.

It doesn’t take long for either of them to finish. They fall back onto the bed, relaxed, sweaty, and trying to catch their breath. It’s a long time before either of them say anything, but Christian is the first to speak up. “Jesus Christ” is all he has to say.

Jules laughs—giggles, almost—and grins at him, turning just enough to kiss him. A moment later, he asks, “Do you want to take a shower?” Christian shakes his head, and he says, “Good. I don’t feel like getting up.”

After awhile, though, he begrudgingly pulls himself out of the bed. The used condoms go in the trash can, and everything else goes back in his drawers. He takes a quick trip to the bathroom to wash his hands and grab two bathrobes and returning to bed. He pulls one on, tossing the plusher of the two to Christian. “Want to spend the night? It’s late, I don’t know if it’s even worth going home.”

Christian slides the robe over his shoulders, thinking for a moment before saying, “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

“Mm, alright. If you don’t need anything, crawl back in bed and I’ll turn out the lights.”

The bed has plenty of room to suit two people, but Jules and Christian barely take up half of it. They lie pressed up against each other, and as Jules falls asleep he contemplates the possibility of a two-night-stand. 


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Sun Jul 27, 2014 5:20 am
megsug wrote a review...



Hey elves~
Don't worry. No awkward babbling this time :3 I'm just going to jump in.

Blue Africa has covered this almost perfectly. I know it's easy to go over the line with sex scenes, but you showed a lot of talent and tact. I did blush, but I never thought it became untasteful. I never wanted to stop reading.

Just to let you know, Jules has been catapulted into adorableness equaling Christian's. The first few paragraphs of this chapter made him a real person if that makes sense.

While I'm gushing, I think I need to note that I'm glad to read a work where the characters are gay without the entire existance of the work circling around the fact that the characters are gay. Perhaps you disagree, but their sexuality doesn't make up every part of these characters. It sounds simple when I write it down like that, but I think it's actually a mistake that can be made very often. In the midst of making some kind of social statement, the actual characterization is lost. I'm glad to read a story where the author isn't preaching at the choir that the LGBT community is oppressed. It's nice to read a story that's just a story. xP

To be honest, I love the interaction before the sex so much, I wish there was more of it. You have quite a bit of "and ten minutes later". I know it's hard to think of content for every minute they spend together, but I want more :3 I think this would also be a good time to show more of Christian. Especially because you say there's been a transition. You say the conversation during the walk to the apartment is easier after Jules makes a joke, but you don't show us. I understand that that's a hard thing to ask for. I hate coming up with conversation that doesn't come naturally to me, but I think it would add more to the reader's impression of Christian if you let us see him relax instead of just telling us that he did.

In your characterization I feel like you're heavily favoring Jules. I've come to the decision that I like lists, so I'm going to list what I know about Jules and Christian.
Jules - kind; easy going; friendly; patient; tea lover; musician; likes to make a good impression
Christian - nervous; appreciates music (?); doesn't know a lot about tea; good kisser; not familiar with gay sex

Right now, Christian's entire character is wrapped up in nervousness and ignorance about gay sex. I still really like him, but I think I may just be relating heavily to his anxiousness in part one. We need a little more to go on :/ Especially when Jules is coming along so nicely.

I think I got all of my compliments out in the beginning, so I don't feel bad for ending on a criticism.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, lemme know.

Please, please, please let me know when the next part is out.

See ya,
Megs~




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Wed Jul 23, 2014 2:36 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Love the ending sentence of this part. I know you said you didn't know if this was going to be short story or novel or what, but I like that the ending of this part leaves us open to expect more.

So, okay. No nitpicks, since you said you want more notes on character/dialogue/plot. This is probably not quite a proper review like I'd normally leave, since the story's a little dicey so far, but I shall try my best.

1. I like Jules so far. I don't really know his interests or anything like that, but I think the general cleanliness of his apartment--aside from the inner sanctum, his bedroom--and the fact that he had to wash some club-hopping clothes before he could go out to meet his friends for drinks because all his clothes were dirty was some good characterization. I also like the fact that he's open with Christian from the beginning about what he wants (open to romance, but just looking for a one-night stand, really), and that he's got a friendly relationship with an ex-boyfriend, which really says a lot about a person in my opinion.

2. On that note, I also like how nice Sean is, and the fact that he's basically like, "Go pick that poor guy up, because he looks miserable and it's harshing my mellow."

3. I like that Christian is older but inexperienced with men and thus Jules gets to lead. (Oh, I also like how patient Jules is with him instead of being like, "Ugh, I did not go out for a one-night stand with a person who doesn't know what the heck they're doing.") He's uncomfortable but he's pretty sure he wants this, which I'm thinking kind of might point to an upbringing that made gay sex look like a bad thing (maybe a staunchly Christian family?) or maybe he was kind of sheltered and just didn't know much about queer identities in the first place.

(Oh, a question, although you don't have to answer this in the story unless you'd like to: did Christian want to know if Jules was bi because...I don't know...either because he was hoping he'd found someone else like him, who was into women too, or because he's more used to the idea of gays but is kind of uncertainly identifying as bi and wants to know that's okay too? I'm just curious about the fact that he wanted to know, pretty much right up front.)

4. My only issue so far is that things kind of seem to be moving fast. I mean, not the fact that, BAM, they met and then had sex, because that's what a one-night stand is. But their conversation at the bar that led to BAM, they just met and are now off to have sex...that moved a bit fast for me. I don't know if that's because it was almost all dialogue without the descriptive breaking-up of dialogue that happened more in the early bits of part 1 or if it's because I have absolutely zero idea of how one-night stands work and therefore don't understand that this is exactly how it happens...it could totally be that. So you may be fine there, but I just wanted to point it out, just in case.

And then the other spot would be--okay, so I liked how you did the sex scene, because we know it's happening but it's not like erotica-graphic (which is good because I would've begun to blush intensely and then stop reading, or at least skim to the part where they were done, because I just can't read graphic sex scenes or really gory violence)--but I feel like that moved a little fast too? Not in a "we need more detail" kind of way--it was done very tastefully and then there was the cuddling at the end which was adorbs.

It's more like...so we know Christian is experienced, and like I said, I love that Jules took the time to explain to him how stuff would work. But the explanation kind of happened fast, I guess? Like, it sort of read like, "This is how gay sex works, BAM, sex, okay, now it's over." I mean, I know you SAID that Jules kind of eased him into it after the explanation, and obviously an actual written-out explanation of how two men have sex would just bog the story down, but...I just feel like there needed to be a little more there?

You know what, maybe it's this paragraph that's making me feel that way:

“Here, I don’t want my sheets messy.” He holds out a condom to Christian, helps him slide it on. He tenses when Jules touches him, but the more it happens the more he gets used to it. Christian’s nerves quickly give way to eagerness, and he starts returning the favor.


So, I will probably never again say this in a review, but, um: more foreplay.

Yeah I'm blushing so hard right now it's completely ridiculous.

Especially since Christian was really uncomfortable at first but then gets really into it, I just think we need to see that transition a little more. Again, not even in graphic detail, but just some nice kisses or something, and maybe at first Christian is kind of sitting there all tense when Jules kisses him, but then he relaxes and starts kissing Jules back?

So as far as plot/pacing/characterization goes so far, that would be my one issue, which is both pacing and characterization since, as I said, in one tiny paragraph Christian goes from being insanely uncomfortable (even though he's pretty sure he wants to do this) to being really into things.

(Tag me when you post more?)

Anyway, that was a very long and awkward review, so I'll just take my things and go now, shall I?

Blue




queerelves says...


Thank you for the review ^-^ It was actually really helpful~ I knew I wanted to change something about the description, but I wasn't quite sure /what/ I wanted to change, but your advice gives me an idea of what to do with it now. Pacing has always been a bit of a problem for me: it's always too fast or too slow. I think I'm going to go back and add more actions to the dialogue and to the rest of it so it doesn't seem like it all happened in a few minutes xD



BluesClues says...


Awesome! Like I said, I wasn't even sure if that part was ACTUALLY too fast or not, because I have never...well, I've only gone to bars a handful of times, and never ever with the intention of picking someone up, so for all I know it actually happens that fast.



queerelves says...


From the characterization I have for Christian and Jules, I think it would've gone a little slower; still decently fast, but not /that/ fast. I was mostly just kind of avoiding having to think of more for them to say, haha



BluesClues says...


Heh heh. I know that feeling.



queerelves says...


I just finished editing it a bit, so hopefully I've worked out some of the major issues~



BluesClues says...


Edited on here? As in, can I take another look and let you know what I think?



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Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:14 pm
erilea wrote a review...



Okay, I probably shouldn't have read this. I'm eight, y'all. But hey, there's description was nice. Wait. Are Christian and Jules gay? They boys? I'm still a little confused 'bout that. I like this part:

“Tea?”

“Good choice,” Jules grins. “I love tea. I’ve got a whole cabinet full of tea. What kind do you want?” He swings open the door to a small cabinet, pulling down metal jars and looking at their labels. “I think I’ve probably got every type of tea you could think of.”

“Um. Black tea, I guess?” He shrugs, unsure of what it is that he makes himself at home.

“Alright. What kind?” Jules pulls a few of the jars aside. “The only type I don’t have is Irish Breakfast.”

“There are different kinds?”

“Of course there are.” Jules laughs—almost entirely with him—and says, “I’ll just make you Earl Grey.”

Ten minutes and twenty tea-related questions later, he brings over two mugs and carefully hands one to Christian. “Careful, it’s hot,” Jules cautions. He keeps his in his hands, smelling it but not drinking the tea that’s still steaming.

Christian is not so careful. He takes a gulp of his, nearly spilling his glass when he yelps, “Shit, that’s hot.”

Jules laughs again—at him, this time. “Did you think I was kidding?”

From there on, the tea drinking becomes less dangerous and the small talk more flirtatious. The questions go from, “Where do you work?” to “What’re you into?” Jules is as open as he was at the beginning of the night, but Christian is more hesitant.


I like this, even with the mature content. Keep writing!




queerelves says...


Thank you! And yeah, Christian and Jules are both men. Jules is completely gay, but this is the first time that Christian has been with a guy~



erilea says...


Oh...



queerelves says...


Why "oh"?



Sampson says...


Lol it's so sad how children aren't as informed or as accepting as we really should be.



queerelves says...


I'm a little bit unsure how the whole gay was confusing, haha. Eh, that's okay.



Sampson says...


You'd think will the lack of female pronouns...



queerelves says...


It could understand if it was in first person... or if Jules didn't say "gay sex" multiple times xP



erilea says...


Um...



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Wed Jul 09, 2014 10:56 pm
EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi.

I can see why you said this was between a novel and a short story because it is. It has the lead on potential to be a novel chapter, but is closer to the length of a short story XD So it is quite hard to place.
The writing itself was good.

Ten minutes and twenty tea-related questions later, he brings over two mugs and carefully hands one to Christian. “Careful, it’s hot,” Jules cautions. He keeps his in his hands, smelling it but not drinking the tea that’s still steaming.

Christian is not so careful. He takes a gulp of his, nearly spilling his glass when he yelps, “Shit, that’s hot.”


It was funny and engaging and I just generally enjoyed reading it. So that's a good aspect to have in your work.

I didn't understand why the very end was separated from the rest of the piece? XD Maybe that was just a formatting issue -nods- Anyway yeah, good :)

Keep writing!




queerelves says...


Thank you for the review ^-^ And indeed, the last paragraph was a formatting error that I was too lazy to go back and fix xD




Remember: no stress allowed. Have fun, and learn from your fellow writers - that's what storybooks are all about.
— Wolfical