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Antagonism & Howitzers & Egomania To Blood

by rbt00


Blood everywhere, another life gone.
Blood everywhere, another one born.
Antagonism and happy folk,
So many still empty and broke.

Such humanity tomorrow, yesterday and today.
Egomania - one of our thick-headed ways.
Blood everywhere, another life gone.
Blood everywhere, another one born.

Old being pushed,
Gold being brushed.
Another gone, Another sword
& returned you will be, to your Lord.

Slowly, then all at once outspread,
Howitzers which have led to death.
A chance you were given,
Choose- Hell or Heaven.

And on that Day your deeds will be exposed
Not a word, a thing 'll be hidden.
A time will come, so shall you discover
A little too late but that will be; Your only chance would be over.


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254 Reviews


Points: 25917
Reviews: 254

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Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:15 am
IamTraunt wrote a review...



Hey! IamTraunt here to review!

I love the use of your vocabulary. Its incredible.
Antagonism - active hostility or opposition.
Egomania - Egomania also known as an obsessive preoccupation with one's self and applies to someone who follows their own ungoverned impulses.
Howitzers - a short gun for firing shells on high trajectories at low velocities.
Sorry, I had to do that :-D just to classify the meaning.

So, obviously you are using the theme of life and death, its quite an open subject. Its very interesting and can cover so many topics, and you did that really well. Your use of vocabulary also had a nice and useful meaning to it, each of your words were needed.

One of your most powerful lines are the first two in Stanza 1:

Blood everywhere, another life gone.
Blood everywhere, another one born.

This is very, very powerful and yet very true. Murder equals blood (usually). Birth equals blood, most definitely. The first line is supposed to be the most important, which they were. Ot grabs the readers attention. Which again you did.

I liked reading this. It was incredibly enjoyable.
Good job!




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9 Reviews


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Tue Jul 08, 2014 1:22 pm
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ShakespearedGirl wrote a review...



This is a really a piece ,beautified with the use of such strong metaphors and terms,that it looks like quite a piece of poetry revelling in all its antiquity.;-)
Loved the phrases "Blood everywhere, another life gone.
Blood everywhere, another one born.
Antagonism and happy folk,
So many still empty and broke."

And must say,you are quite good at this.Keep polishing your pieces ,they are too full of hot emotions like -Lava

Keep Writing.:-)




rbt00 says...


Thanks So Much. :) <3



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200 Reviews


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Reviews: 200

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Tue Jul 08, 2014 10:55 am
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EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi

This work was very frantic.

I liked the repetition and the introductory sound of the first stanza:

Blood everywhere, another life gone.
Blood everywhere, another one born.
Antagonism and happy folk,
So many still empty and broke.


As the poem progresses, you introduce characters and start to turn it into more of a story. It's good.

Slowly, then all at once outspread,
Howitzers which have led to death.
A chance you were given,
Choose- Hell or Heaven.


I don't really understand who these people are, or how they relate to the story, but it's a start :)

Keep writing.




rbt00 says...


Thanks so much. I am writing after a really long time like after months so I have sort of lost the writing thing in me. :P




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