Young Writers Society

Greetings Pinkie, Flite here for a review. I see you have decided to post up your character profile here for a review. This is a rather odd case, since I'm reviewing a character and not an actual work. I will take a slightly different approach to this then other reviews. My review will be divided into three areas: technical details, your profile itself and an overall summary.

Technical details:

Personalities:

Unless Molly suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, I don't think she can have multiple personalities.

She enjoyed making people

Enjoyed past tense, you want pretense tense when describing a person. Unless of course, that person is deceased. Enjoys would be a better word here. What do you by she enjoys making people? *raises eyebrows* The process of making people?

She enjoyed making people and made fun of herself like her brother. She always gave people a smile when they past by and helped them with stuff they need.

Zoom out again, the sentence quoted doesn't make much sense. The first sentence, I'm not sure what you mean because there is both present and past tense and also the word orders are jumbled up. In the second one, you have gave which in the past tense, once again, gives would be a better word choice.

Brief note on writing personality:

I am very sorry if I'm being terribly rude here, but what you have described above isn't a character's personality at all. Personality itself has no set definition, but after scoring the internet. Almost all sites have reached a similar definition:

"Personality refers to individuals' characteristic patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior, together with the psychological mechanisms -- hidden or not -- behind those patterns."

What you have described of Molly is just a few words on her general attitude towards people which doesn't give us much of an insight into her personality and more precisely, what are her reasons for those thoughts. Writing someone's personality isn't as easy as one, two and three. You have to know your character inside out and understand why they do these things. Why can she crept someone out with her eyes? What does her boyfriend have to do with her personality? Another thing I need to point out is that, her personality right now is too brief to be even realistic. You need to show the bad, the good and the ugly in someone's personality. To write a good personality profile, put your character in action and see what she does. A few sentences on her attitude won't give the readers a deep insight into her.

Another way, if you're not so good at writing personality. Is describe her style of dress to us, because clothing usually reflects a person's personality.

Character development:

Everyone writes character profiles differently, and in order to be fair. I can't use a subjective opinion on your profile. But even so, I will say what I think. Your character seems very cliche, probably due to the briefness of your profile so that I don't really understand that much of her. She's kind, silly and smart. That doesn't tell me anything about her, those are very generic adjectives and you gave us typical examples of those too. Her likes and dislikes relates back to her personality which is good I suppose, but I'd have like to see more likes that perhaps differ from her personality.

She is friends with everyone? And then you contradict yourself with an enemy. No one can be friends with everyone, once again. Try to be more realistic when it comes to writing characters, they're people too.

However, I did like the picture at the start. I'd say that the picture actually added more insight into her.

Summary:

This was a short character profile, even though it was cliche in some places. She also had quirks that tugged at my interest, like her eyes and she has a long lost mother. You may not be very serious when it comes to writing character profiles, or maybe your format of profiles is just a rough sketch. But I think your profile is too short to give readers a real insight into her. A general character profile includes the following:

-Name
-Age
-Gender
-Appearance
-Background/History (which can be divided into sub-categories such as, childhood history, education history, family history etc...)
- Personality
-Likes
-Dislikes
-Hobbies
-Others

A history of the character will give the readers insight into what sort of background she has been raised in and how that might affect her actions later on. But she is your character, you decide what to do with her. The above is just my opinion.

Hope I wasn't too harsh, if you have any questions, please PM me.

Hello.

So this was a character profile?

I don't understand what you're trying to do with this but it was interesting and funny to read.

You included the weirdest of details:

They sometimes act like enemies around people, but they do love each other when they are private or around with their families.

but then I suppose it is based on a real person??

Or a created character. I dunno. The picture was a nice addition to the work. I wonder if you're planning to do anything with this? Like write a poem or a song or a novel about it?
It would be cool if you did.

Stay lucky.