I could not agree more, Kelpies.
Death...
A vile fellow is he, visiting those both great and small, good and bad, we all come to the same end. He comes to visit, but is not a welcome guest, as I have learned today. He comes, and steals the part of our being that makes us alive, and never returns it. Many know what suffering death can cause, but it only causes the suffering of the living. The living must live on in mourning, and the dead are at peace. Our time will come, that is the only certain thing about life, that it ends.
But what if this were not to be? What if we lived on forever without injury or illness? What if everyone in the world was this way? We'd be in more misery than whence we had started. Living on, never resting, never knowing what might happen. Wars would go on causing much discomfort in families, strife would rule the land, and since none would die, more would be born but with no one to replace. There would be no certainty of what was to come, no respite from the issues that make up humanity.
But what if there was no life? If there was no life, there would be no death. No one would ever live, or die, none of our everyday issues would exist. But our universe would be a boring place, nothing to characterize it except rocks and volcanoes. But then again, no one would care because no one would exist.
I think we're better off the way we are, with life and death. Even though it hurts when death touches you or a friend, it's all for the better.
Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Happy Review Day! Let's see what we have here!
First off, I remember seeing this in your other piece and I am happy that you published this separately because it is such a wonderful piece! A problem that I found with this was that this was placed in the scripts area, when it should be a short story. If you feel like it is too short to be a short story, then you could put it in the others area. Also the organization could use some help. For example where you put but in the start of a paragraph, that is totally unnecessary. And and but are used to combine sentences and not start them.
Your imagery is amazing. I could see this right there, right now. Your spelling and grammar is fine by me! I don't see any problems. Your metaphors and similes work very well right here and I would agree with you on all of this. I think that you had this as one block paragraph and then you make them into paragraphs and so the transitions are a bit off. Though, you do a better job about them than me. The theme you chose it great. It's always fun to talk about this type of stuff. People are always interested in what writers have to say about it. All in all, great job! Have a nice review day! Keep calm and keep writing!
A vile fellow is he, visiting those both great and small, good and bad, we all come to the same end.
Our time will come, that is the only certain thing about life, that it ends.
We'd be in more misery than whence we had started.
I think we're better off the way we are, with life and death. Even though it hurts when death touches you or a friend, it's all for the better.
Hey, Kelpies! Happy Ultimate Pokemon Awesomeness Review Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally agree with you here. I always wished I would live forever, but then the world would be way too crowded, and the earth would be a ghost "town" if we all didn't exist. I also agree with the last sentence. You're amazing, Kelpies, but Team Plasma for the win!
Hello, Kelpies!
I'm... not sure why this is posted as a script? It's not in script formatting, and it seems to be in the wrong category. Perhaps it's just an idea for a script? I honestly don't know.
So, I'll critique what I have to work with.
This seems to be a very intriguing idea, though it's lacking substance, and it would definitely stand to have more of a story behind it - as of now, it's simply a list of questions and answers, with an opinion at the end. You could probably put an idea behind this with a few characters and make it into something of a philosophical short film or something much like it, but that's always up to you. You do bring a few interesting ideas into this, namely the misery that humankind would experience if no one were to die, and the utter indifference of the universe if no one were to live, and I think that those could hold some substance on their own should you turn this into a story of sorts.
As it is, though, you have little but your own opinion on a page, and I honestly think you should look into writing something for this, so you can show YWS what you come up with in order to portray this confusion and relief when a conclusion is reached. I believe that something brilliant could come out of this, but right now that potential is dampened by the fact that nothing has actually been written but a series of questions with your personal conclusion.
Hey there! Scarlet here, as you know It's review day.
You know what that means, time to review!
Nitpicks first...
- After you finish a sentence, you only need one space, not two. I know it's a small nitpick but it was driving me nuts. Example;
He comes to visit, but is not a welcome guest, as I have learned today. He comes, and steals the part of our being that makes us alive, and never returns it.
I think we're better off the way we are, with life and death. Even though it hurts when death touches you or a friend, it's all for the better.
I think we're better off the way we are, with life and death. Even though it hurts when death touches you or a friend, it's all for the better.
For better or worse
Hi Kelpies! I'm here to review your piece!
Grammar/Wording:
You've put a lot of extra commas or "ands" in this piece, so you may want to take a second look to edit some out (especially in the first paragraph).
For example
should be "He comes, steals the part of our being that makes us alive, and never returns it.""He comes, and steals the part of our being that makes us alive, and never returns it."
There's no need to repeat the thing that without life there isn't death twice." If there was no life, there would be no death. No one would ever live, or die, none of our everyday issues would exist."
I fell like I've heard people say this before, but I do like the way you phrase it."Our time will come, that is the only certain thing about life, that it ends."
First of all some would disagree with you there because there'd still be aliens in the universe without humans, and I surely think that rocks and volcanoes do not characterize our universe because every universe has rocks in the form of stars! If you meant our planet we're more characterized by our fresh water oceans and atmosphere because other planets do indeed have rocks and even volcanoes."But our universe would be a boring place, nothing to characterize it except rocks and volcanoes."
Hi there Kelpies!
Firstly, I think that this is not meant to be in the Scripts forum as it obviously isn't a script! Let me know where you meant to post it and I can move it for you
I think there are some nice and wise thoughts here that really do ring true! I agree that we're probably better off like this, since it would be quite chaotic and crowded to have no deaths at all, no matter how sad they make us.
This doesn't exactly seem like a story (maybe it could be a prologue though), but it's a bit short to be an essay. Perhaps you could extend your ideas a bit, depending on where you want to go with this!
I thought I'd say a few words about punctuation. It's quite a trivial thing and professional writers have editors and spell-checkers to mind these things, but it's really worth it to know a few tricks yourself! In the beginning, you have sentences like:
He comes to visit, but is not a welcome guest
He comes, and steals the part of our being that makes us alive, and never returns it.
Many know what suffering death can cause, but it only causes the suffering of the living.
The living must live on in mourning, and the dead are at peace.
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