Hey, Pinkiegirl! I was sad to see that you didn't feel like you could join us on review day. I hope that you continue learning about reviewing and soon feel confident enough if your own reviewing skills to help out your fellow YWS members.
I'm gonna review as an example of how just saying your thoughts about someone's piece could help them!
First of all, I really like the name of this piece. Something called "The Heat Fighters" feels like a title that I've never seen before. It feels like it could be something based in a city because the word "heat" just reminds me of hot summer days right now, and it's not exactly something that is specifically fantastic.
One thing that I'm wondering about is why all these characters have strange colored eyes. I feel like unless you're going to be talking about that character's eyes a lot (for example, like in Harry Potter where they always talk about Harry's eyes because they are kind of important to the plot or figuring out the plot), we're not even going to remember their eye color. Also, having SO many people with strange eye colors makes the eye color seem less strange. Do they live in a world where everyone has abnormal eye colors??
What's cool is that even from this small summary I can get a sense of how the group will react. I know the brother and sister will be close and they will each interact with the people who have crushes on them. The quiet girl will be quiet and the happy boy will be happy, etc.
I have one suggestion though, and that would be to go through every single character and think about how the others will interact with them. Right now it seems like you wrote characters with only the main brother and sister in mind, but people would have relationships and friendships with other people in the group as well. Or maybe even with people outside the group. Does anybody here have a crush on someone without super powers? That might be interesting! When you make the world of your writing wider, it feels more real and we're able to sink more deeply into it.
Okay! I hope these thoughts were helpful to you!
PM me or reply to this review if you have any questions or comments.
Good luck and keep writing!
Points: 25864
Reviews: 1334
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