z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Language

The Heat Fighters~Story Info

by Pinkiegirl13


The Heat Fighters: The Heat Fighters is the one of the fantasy group with young ages. They are not allowed to fight evil, but they can be ones with a ton of adventures.

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Name: Pinkie Jackson

Age: 14

Appearance: She has red, long hair with pink eyes which that made her name as Pinkie. She is shorter one than her team. She is very slender and standing 5'1.

Personalities: She is very brave girl when it is come to her. She likes to be on dangerous missions to feel free. She makes sure her team members get things done. She can be goofy and make fun of her enemies sometimes.

Skills: She is very good as a fighter and plan tricks on her enemies.

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Name: Toby Jackson

Age: 17

Appearance: He have red, curly hair with yellow eyes. He is 5'10 height and very slender, but muscular. He always wears a mask to hide his face.

Personalities: He is very protection about his little sister and his members. He will always hides in the shadows to watch them. When a bad guy tries to kill them, he will get out of the shadows and try to stop them.

Skills: He can fight with his bare hands.

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Name: Vera Stevenson

Age: 15

Appearance: She has blonde hair with red eyes. She is skinny and weak. She is 5'5 height tall. She always wears a white hoodie.

Personalities: She is very shy around her group. She talks very low which that made people don't heard her. She don't like anyone messing with her teammates. She can talk out the enemies without fighting them. She always have a crush on Toby when they first met.

Skills: She can confront the enemies as she finds their weakness on something.

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Name: Lion X

Age: 14

Appearance: He has orange hair with brown eyes. He is very muscular and 5'9. He has a lion skin jacket to marked his name.

Personalities: He gets very angry and stay away from the normal people. He never like people since he was born. He disagrees from being someone else and enjoy being different. He trains to kill his enemies and drinks many beer whatever he wanted. When he met Pinkie who is normal and likes who is he, he start to like her. He, however, hates her brother being so protection all the time.

Skills: He can use his strength to kill enemies and pick up heavy things.

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Name: Katie Yesterday

Age: 13

Appearance: She has a black, long hair with a right eye is purple and left eye is green. She is skinny and weak. She is 5'3 height tall.

Personalities: She is a playful child in the group. She make silly jokes and make fun of her team members. She was the new member since she was rescued by Toby. She can get easily kill in missions that Toby has to watch her. However, she can pull pranks on the enemies. She is very nice to Vera and pretty cool with Pinkie.

Skills: She is master of pranks. She uses anything that Pinkie planned and she do it.

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Name: Chris Alexandra

Age: 9

Appearance: He has white hair with grey eyes. He is the youngest member in the team. He is 4'6 height and slender.

Personalities: He is outgoing kid. He enjoys his crew and made them his new family. He used to had one until his family died from people who are kidnappers. He was rescued by Pinkie and became a newest member. He will try to rescue his team members with his hidden power.

Skills: He has a power to make snow like Elsa from Frozen. He freeze his enemies and sometimes make snow when he is happy


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Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:40 am
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, Pinkiegirl! I was sad to see that you didn't feel like you could join us on review day. I hope that you continue learning about reviewing and soon feel confident enough if your own reviewing skills to help out your fellow YWS members.

I'm gonna review as an example of how just saying your thoughts about someone's piece could help them!

First of all, I really like the name of this piece. Something called "The Heat Fighters" feels like a title that I've never seen before. It feels like it could be something based in a city because the word "heat" just reminds me of hot summer days right now, and it's not exactly something that is specifically fantastic.

One thing that I'm wondering about is why all these characters have strange colored eyes. I feel like unless you're going to be talking about that character's eyes a lot (for example, like in Harry Potter where they always talk about Harry's eyes because they are kind of important to the plot or figuring out the plot), we're not even going to remember their eye color. Also, having SO many people with strange eye colors makes the eye color seem less strange. Do they live in a world where everyone has abnormal eye colors??

What's cool is that even from this small summary I can get a sense of how the group will react. I know the brother and sister will be close and they will each interact with the people who have crushes on them. The quiet girl will be quiet and the happy boy will be happy, etc.

I have one suggestion though, and that would be to go through every single character and think about how the others will interact with them. Right now it seems like you wrote characters with only the main brother and sister in mind, but people would have relationships and friendships with other people in the group as well. Or maybe even with people outside the group. Does anybody here have a crush on someone without super powers? That might be interesting! When you make the world of your writing wider, it feels more real and we're able to sink more deeply into it.

Okay! I hope these thoughts were helpful to you!

PM me or reply to this review if you have any questions or comments.

Good luck and keep writing!

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Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:35 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey pinkie! I'm here to review your character sketch!

Is the first character "Pinkie" the Pinkie that is your writing alter ego? I think you've written about her in other pieces too.
Also it wasn't quite clear if Toby is Pinkie's brother, but I'll assume they are because of the last names. You should maybe consider making character sketches of their whole family so that it is completely developed especially since Pinky and Toby are still young so they probably live with their parents.

Also it is very interesting that there is a nine year old in the midst of all of these teens. It looks like you have a good character start, and could have an interesting story.

I won't bother with the grammar corrections since I know you dislike that and it's just a character sketch anyways.

Thanks for posting! Good job and good luck in your writing!!

Your Friend,
alliyah

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Pinkiegirl13 says...


I can't put Pinkie and Toby's parents on here. They already died and they have to survive alone without their parents



alliyah says...


Ohh that makes sense. Do they have any other family?



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Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:30 am
Kanome says...



Hello.
Kanome here.

Is this more of a planning thing?





Percy fell face-first into his pizza.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena