z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

Forever Evergreen- chapter 2

by LemisaLeaZeor


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Coming to Midori House was a big mistake! Hermione didn't want to be here to meet the pureblood grandparents she never knew existed. It all sounded kind of cliche; however it was true. To make things worse, she had to cancel her visit to the Burrow. Hermione would rather had spent a night stuck in a cramped closet, with Ron, than be here.

"Anywhere, but here, please." She begged herself, but that was never going to work- not now.

Hermione couldn't believe the size of the house. Could she even call it that? 

It had a gothic style to it, with added plants hidden in every corner. They all looked as if they had wilted, but after arriving here, it was probably their natural look. 

Struggling to force herself to walk into the living room, she scrunched the ends of her dress in her hands. It was obvious Hermione was nervous as her palms because unbearably sweaty. Guests around her didn't seem to have noticed her entrance, so she smiled awkwardly and coughed gently, realising how parched she was. "Oh, God, please help me. Anything but this." 

It was starting to become awkward. Would anyone actually notice her? This was worse than receiving howler after howler, all repeating the same message; pureblood, pureblood. In the far corner Hermione' s parents were mingling with a couple that appeared as complete strangers to her. Her "grandparents" greeting guests. The room had become incredibly hot. How long had she been standing there? Were the guests gossiping about her? Did she look like a sweaty mess with tangled hair and wild, panicking eyes?  Was she becoming a waste of space?! 

"Hey, are you alright?" Hermione spun on her heel finding Blaise staring in wonder. "Hermione, are you ok. You look ill."  Hermione tried to speak, but she had tensed up. She unclenched her hands and took a deep breath, trying not to make it too obvious. Hermione forced a smile, " I'm fine, I'm just shocked." Blaise laughed the way that could make girl's hearts melt, but this was Hermione we were talking about; she took it as friendly gesture. 

"I don't really want to be here, myself. Let's go outside and talk." "Ok," Hermione followed quietly behind him. 

.............................

"I never would've expected that you, Hermione, would turn out to be a pureblood, but unfortunately, for you, you're going to have to live with it." The two walked through the gardens. Blaise with his hands in his jean pockets. Hermione hidden like a mouse behind him. "But the problem is that you're a very important pureblood, so you have no choice but to obey your elders. Everyone will become to fear you; even Malfoy-" Hermione wasn't sure how to answer, she was stunned by what she was hearing. Feared? Why? "You're family owns a lot of money, making them gain power. Hermione, you are rich...." 

Were Hermione' s grandparents Death Eaters? 

"....very rich." He quietly added. "Rich and important." Hermione stared hard at the ground. Finally, she had a place in the world, but not quite how she had expected. 

Blaise stopped abruptly, causing Hermione to crash into him.

"We're going to have to go back soon." Trying to have eye contact with Hermione, though she had seemed to have zoned out. "Huh?" He smiled with thin lips. "Back to the house. Let's go." 

"Oh." 

Before they started of again, Blaise said, " you know that if you ever want to talk, about anything, just say." Gently he pulled her into a comforting hug. Hermione cautiously accepted. His chest felt warm against her frozen body- a corpse. It wasn't exactly the best weather to be having a stroll around in, yet the hug helped. A lot. Hermione smiled naturally for the first time in a while. Blaise was nicer here than at school; Hermione liked that.

"Okay?" Hermione couldn't stop herself from feeling a ray of sunshine among the clouds of grey.

"Ok." 

They stayed like that for a while, until Susan found them. 

(I know this is long compared to the previous chapter. I just kept writing and writing.)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
131 Reviews


Points: 11451
Reviews: 131

Donate
Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:12 am
MaryEvans wrote a review...



Forever Evergreen? Isn’t that kind of redundant? If it’s Evergreen, it already is Forever, see both have Ever in them. Aaanyhow. Sorry I had to get that out of the way but I really do suggest you rethink your title.

Wrong category. Put this under fanfics.

Why does she have to be a pure blood? (I will harp on story since language is ok and all, nothing much to complain about.) The point of her character was kind of that she wasn’t. Also huge house and stuff? Also death eaters?

So yeah, my complaint would be its too much, too exaggerated, and since it’s not parody it makes it a bit… artificial. I don’t know, maybe it’s just how fan fics are. And I don’t usually review those so I don’t really know how to approach it.
Language is good though. Nice job with that.




User avatar
351 Reviews


Points: 11482
Reviews: 351

Donate
Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:29 pm
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

Okay, from what I gathered: Hermione is Pureblood, her family is rich, and her grandparents are Death Eaters?

Time for nitpicks:
Okay, the punctuation in this is missing.

"Anywhere but here, please" she begged herself, but that was never going to work- not now.


It should be more like this:
"Anywhere, but here, please." She begged herself, but that was never going to work - not now.

Also, this sentence is a run-off sentence:
Hermione couldn't believe the size of the house, could she even call it that?

I think you should make this sentences TWO sentences. Like this:
Hermione couldn't believe the size of the house. Could she even call it that?

Other than that, it's a good story so far. Keep writing. I want to find out what happens next.
Keep up the great work c:






Thanks for the tips!




The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.