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16+

Intoxication

by malachitear


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

The silver blade kisses my wrist
with more affection than I have felt-
its love as
drops
of
scarlet
the tears that fall from my eyes.

The pain is white-hot
searing
and yet, yet it is welcome,
More so than the other kind,

the kind that hurts the heart
and pierces the mind

Again, I try my heavy hand at poetry. I wrote this when I was genuinely depressed, although I don't think I ever actually considered doing it. It was just, for that fleeting moment, me believing that I did. Please review!


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110 Reviews


Points: 3092
Reviews: 110

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Tue May 24, 2016 9:54 am
TahaT11n wrote a review...



Hello.. I don't know when you will get the notif that TahaT11n posted a comment on your literary work..still, i am gonna leave a review cus i really love the work.

first of all, the title- intoxication. well, i think it was a bit unclear to me..but, that was just my dull head. otherwise, i think the title is good with the theme of the poetry.

now, i'm gonna tell something that i myself hate to hear about my poems..still, it's sometimes important to know. and the thing is- the poem seemed to lack something. the real message is there and so is the lacking. i felt like it could use some more. and at some points, the message seemed to be a bit confusing - which can be both a strong and a weak point of the poem.

I agree with FiguringOutLife - the part of love, drops, scarlet and tears made me confused. still, i loved it. the half-implying message of the poem is what made me love it very much!!

It's just..the poem is written with simple words, a bit different arrangement of the words and it has a half-showing message in it- that's something i really, really enjoyed!!

keep it up with the work..but, remember , when writing poems like this one, try to make the message a bit clearer, specially make the lines more understandable. otherwise, the readers will just miss the flavour of the poem.

hope my short review helped! :P




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29 Reviews


Points: 332
Reviews: 29

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Fri Jun 06, 2014 5:24 am
FiguringOutLife wrote a review...



This was really great, and really emotional. Wonderful job.

with more affection than I have felt-
its love
as
drops
of
scarlet-
the tears that fall from my eyes.

The different lines here just seem a little awkward to me, especially with the last line after it. However I think that if you put-
it's love as
drops
of
scarlet
That just doesn't seem as awkward to me. Just my opinion though :)

That was really the only thing I saw. Otherwise, it was phenomenal. My favorite part was the last two stanzas, and I can thoroughly connect with that.
Wonderful job!




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65 Reviews


Points: 607
Reviews: 65

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Thu Jun 05, 2014 10:12 pm
wtppowers wrote a review...



Well, I wouldn't know anything about cutting, but I know people who do. I had one friend who told me what it felt like, she described it kind of like this.
Anyhow, this is a very deep poem, I can tell you went deep down to write this. The imagery and literary devices add a sense of emotion to this poem. It's a very strong poem, probably summing up why people cut accurately.
Great job! And may you feel better about life.





"Honey."
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