Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this...was interesting...I don't quite know what you're trying to convey here, I get a sense of something happening, and it certainly is intriguing but I feel like we are indeed missing out on a little too much context for this to make sufficient sense here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hello there. I am watching you.

Every step you make, my dear old friend, I will be following carefully. I know what you're up to. I know you want to hurt me. You are constantly trying to find an opening, a careless moment to spill my blood. Well; I've got bad news for you. You shall never succeed.

I never thought you would be like that. All around, people wear fake faces and then bang, stab, shoot, and their so called best friend suffer. I thought you were different.

Do you remember all the times we spent together? All the fun and secrets we shared? How could such an evil, disgusting plan come up to you, after all we've been through? I never hurt you that way.

No, my dear, old friend.

I will never let you burn me with that god damn cigar.

It will be an eternal quest of yours.

Why is it rated 18+ for language? There's no bad-language in there.
Also why's it in the Humor section?

I didn't really find this funny, frankly I didn't really understand it.

I hope I didn't offend you or anything, but it's a little off place. The drama section is fine for this, but I wouldn't recommend Comedy.

The good news is, there's not really any spelling or punctuation issues that need fixing, so your good on that. Just because I didn't really like this doesn't mean that your work is bad. I just state my opinion as it's originally given. Keep it up and keep writing!

Also:

-If this is to stay in the humor section, maybe add a little humor?

-It shouldn't be 18+ there isn't any real language besides the word damn. That's not bad.

That's about it, sorry for the short review.


Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde


Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

I decided to ignore the bit about it being an autobiographic piece, and ended up feeling like this was some sort of riddle, after which I tried to think metaphorically and got myself nowhere :'( /heartbroken/

FYI, some of my guesses included a fly, and then tobacco itself, both of which seem entirely plausible.

So its Binder here for a short review!

I like how the last three lines really convey this complex mix of betrayal and expectation that really ended off the story nicely! However, I feel like the plot itself was missing something, or that it was being uncomfortably bland. With something this short, to try and encompass a big idea in it needs to involve some kind of technique with imagery so that there's more to take from the story than these lines by itself.

I never thought you would be like that. All around, people wear fake faces and then bang, stab, shoot, and their so called best friend suffer. I thought you were different.

Do you remember all the times we spent together? All the fun and secrets we shared? How could such an evil, disgusting plan come up to you, after all we've been through? I never hurt you that way.

It is interesting that you chose to write this first person. This is only the third work in all of my writing and reading years that has been written from the first person POV.

Now to the actual review. Why do you call the person you are writing about a dear old friend if this person wants to kill you? I know this is a short story but you should at least provide some reason for why a friend would want to kill you. I am not sure if this is supposed to be in a letter format or not.

Finally a dissaprove of the bad language; and there is no way you could be burned by a cigar. This work was also not very humorous at all. You should show the drama and or humor rather than tell it.