Young Writers Society

Hello, CesareBorgia, here for a review,

I really liked this poem, but there are some qualms. Because you are eleven though, it makes it better since you are so good.

And the sparkle of yor beak.

The artistic skill in your feathers is amazing,

The colors red, yellow, and orange

That shine with your fiery blast

Are truly mesmerizing.

The artistic skill of the feathers that adorn
your body is truly amazing,
the colors of red, yellow, and orange that
run down your back in a fiery blast,
is awe-inspiring

I always dreamed of becoming a phoenix-like creature, or having a phoenix for a companion. I just love the idea of literally undying loyalty. Something everyone lacks these days
I admire the way you are able to paint an image in my head so perfect and clear that I could exactly envision the phoenix, even though I have never seen one in real life before.
The use of the word 'ruffle' towards the end there is particularly effective, working on a familiar level in my brain, as I own many birds and can picture the emotional state and see the phoenix performing this action in front of me. The amazing and positive image at the start of the poem makes me feel like I really want to see the phoenix outside of fantasy too, winning me over to your point of view and your ideas, making me feel just as you do (as you explained in the last stanza).

Thank you for writing this, I enjoyed it. *Likes Poem*

-E

OMG same way I feel. Why can't the Phoenix exist? I want one as a pet! LOL if I was a superhero, my name would be Pheonix...cool name huh?

Hello, shiney1 here to review!

Overall Impression

This is a nice, simple yet exceptional poem, in my opinion. It's not gushing at the mouth with large words yet has a considerable amount of imagery put in layman's terms. I like mythical creatures, and phoenixes are near the top of my list so I am glad that you wrote this poem!
This poem struck me more as a child's poem (I'm not sure if that was your intention). It has pretty basic vocabulary, which, to be honest, was a bit off-putting in some areas and perfect in others. I know that you can considerably transform this poem for the better by replacing some of the baby words with more descriptive, higher-vocabulary words. There was one or so typo I spotted, but the overall grammar was fine.

Nitpicks

Fly, pheonix, fly

Spread your beautiful wings,

Soar through the air,

Sending sparks of color every direction.

I love the way your feathers ruffle,

And the sparkle of yor beak.

Those great big talons

match your ominous brown eyes.

Pheonix, please, please come out of fantasy

and into reality

So I don't just have to read

tales to find you.

First of all this is one of the best poems I have ever read. Pheonix's in my opioin are really cool! I wish I could meet one, but they seem kind of dangerous maybe. Some may be able to breath fire, but because they are fantasy no one will never know anything about those awesome mythical creatures, because they don't live with us, humans. That would be cool if they did though.

Second of all I didn't really see many mistakes in this. Mostly I saw no mistakes. Also if there was a mistake that I missed you are very smart to point out other peoples mistakes you are smart enough to point out your own mistakes. Not trying to be mean as if you have to do everything yourself, I just think you are smart enough to do awesome things yourself.

Speaking of phoenix's if you don't mind am I allowed to use phoenix's in my Lost Magic series. If not that is okay too, but I just wanted to make sure since I didn't even think of phoenix's like you did, so I just want to make sure if it's okay to use phoenix's in my series Lost Magic. If not, I can use something else I come up with. So if you say no that is alright cause I can come up with something good. I have an idea, if you say no to the phoenix's. So don't worry about it, if you say no, because I have a really good idea if you say no.

Sorry this review and questions, or whatever you want to call this is so long. Well I guess I should stop typing because I don't think you feel like reading more than this.

So bye for now...
Love,
Dogsrule5

Hey WillowPaw1! Strange here and I have a review for you!
This poem was pretty interesting. I found a recurring theme in your poems. You like describibg simple objects. I remember you wrote about a volcano and you described it all. I like how you like describing. Nothing about emotion, to be honest. You just describe things, and I like that. I like the overall simplicity of your poems.
That is also a bad thing. See, when you describe, you go too simple. Sometimes, you need to go above and beyond. A thing that would help is if you went above and beyond describing this majestic phoenix. Pour some heart into it. The narrator wants this phoenix to come, but it seems like he or she is expecting something sub-par. Make it seem magical! Make it beautiful! You got part of that down, but you need it 100%
Overall, good job
Strange gives you...
6.7/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend.

The title really grabbed my attention considering that I just so happen to be writing my own myth about the Phoenix. By the way, you spelled it wrong in your title. I like the way that you describe the wings of the phoenix; it really gives the reader a description of the way a Phoenix looks. As I read the words over and over the image of the Phoenix becomes clearer and clearer.
I also wish that the Phoenix were more than a mythical creature. The only way that the Phoenix can live is through the people who write about them. I really enjoyed this piece of poetry.