Young Writers Society

Hi, Chips here with a review!

Well, what and interesting yet enigmatic poem you have here. Enigmatic, in the sense that it could have a whole range of meanings as there isn't one distinct theme, well the way I see it.
So let's go into the review now shall we?


"Big and small creations of God,

Were you created for expressing might?"

The reference to "Big and small", could refer to anything at all thats not man-made. I feel like you could have given the reader an idea of what the creations are, or along what lines they're on so we have an image in mind to follow the rest of your poem. The second line, "expressing might?" I'm not sure what exactly that means, I'm just interpreting as the comparison and relationship of humans and animals/nature.


"Sharp and flat builders of Lord.

Do they use you wrong or right?"

The first line, to me didn't make any sense. I understand its in reference to "builders of God" but nothing else linked to it, maybe thats just my ignorance but the assumed metaphor of "sharp and flat", in connotation to builders didn't connect in my opinion. And in the second line, I'm not very clear on who, "they", is referring to. Again, there is a comparison of wrong and right, opposite things alike, which could mean multiple things.


"Sink in water, oh heavy thing

What deep pains do you bring?"

Here, the "heavy thing" you mention is not very clear as to what you mean by it, is it an anchor? A burden? The last line suggests it may be along those lines.


Overall, your poem needed more clarity and cohesiveness. Seperately, the lines and phrases you used were beautiful. This review had good intentions, I hope it didn't come off as too hard, hopefully it was of help to you. Keep writing!


--Chips

Hey Rosetta, Strange here and I have a review for you!
Okay? I didn't really get the whole point of this poem. I slightly do, although. I believe this referencing Noah's Ark, and who doesn't know about that story? The first four lines talk about how animals like birds and horses and whatever helped build the ark. If that's right. Otherwise, I honestly don't know what this poem is talking about. For the first part, it is somewhat confusing. I couldn't exactly wrap my head around this.
Sadly, this poems point is fueled on opinions. The genre "Science" doesn't help at all. This would be good for a person who believed in God. I honestly believe in God but I feel that it is so fueled on that opinion that I was confused. I'm sorry if I seem like a prude, but I can't help it.
Your belief helps this poem, but that's about it.
Sorry for being extremely harsh.
Overall, with editing, this can do way better.
I can't give this a rating.
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend

Hi Rosetta, this is a rather interesting concept for a poem. It seems that you're leading up to the dangers of rock and stones with their good and useful qualities. I agree, the concept is rather abstract, but that's good because it leaves the interpretation up to the reader. Its just the interpretation is a bit hard to conclude because of the poem's abstractness. I don't have any grammatical or mechanical corrections, I can only tell you that your poem is very abstract.
Keep Writing!
~Catcha01

I was kind of confused as to who you were referring to as you for the fourth line but I really liked the fact that you used to different adjectives to describes Earth's creatures. What are you referring to when you say "Sink in water, oh heavy thing"?

Good luck with your own way.

Very nice.