This is one WAY long piece of iambic pentameter, but you haven't beat the bard yet!
Anways, first, some nitpicks that Mags didn't catch.
Uh... this is 'her' coins, right? If it is supposed to be 'she' though, I'd reword the line so it doesn't conflict as much with common syntax.clasped she coins,
And in the third-to-last stanza, you used 'sea' twice to end a line, which sounds kind of funny when I read it aloud. It also looks weird.
Other than that, nice job. I love how using iambic pentameter makes everything feel so old-timey, and your language reflected that. I mean, who uses 'yonder' anymore? Also, like Mags already pointed out, the fact that the oarsman talks differently from the lady is a nice touch.
Well... that's it from me. I don't review poetry that often, but I do like iambic pentameter. It wouldn't hurt to review more poetry though... see all the poetic devices--great job making use of those, by the way. Especially this one:
Personification and metaphor all in one! Yay!We sailed on rivers of reflected stars
The ripples from the oars set them to dance.
Anywho, enough squealing from me. Catch you later!
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Reviews: 557
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