Young Writers Society

Hi, Cynder!

I'm here as you requested in a PM!
So, I like the two voices. I think there's the potential for a nice dynamic there -- conflict is what drives us to tell stories most of the time, and it rarely gets more direct than two voices speaking their conflict so plainly.

I think the biggest problem in this poem is that it's a little bit too vague! I know we're talking about hope -- that's clear in the title and the last line, but I'm not actually quite sure what the other voice speaking is. Is it doubt? Is it just self-doubt? The confidence voice mentions it will be helped by the other voice, and I had the feeling when I was reading that it was kind of referring to a specific situation where self-doubt would help somebody find hope again. That's just my feeling, so if it's TRUE for you while you were writing it, I would ask what you would with about bringing in some specific details! I ask because with specifics, the reader might be able to more concretely understand your message and clearly take away something.

Otherwise, we've just got a poem that sounds like... you know, when people make vague posts on Facebook that you have no idea what they're talking about even though you know they're from an emotional place?

I hope these thoughts make sense to you and are helpful as you continue writing!!

PM me or reply to this review if you have any questions/comments.

Good luck and keep writing~

Hannah

Hi Cynder!
So, this is very interesting and lengthy. I honestly don't understand it at all, but you're brain works differently than mine does. Maybe sometime you could explain it to me.
I see that it's some sort of conversation, and that one is trying to convince the other of something. Something about hope.

No, only dark.

But, I’ve seen it.

You’ve barely glimpsed it.

It was blissful…

Impossible!

Hi there!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

Does this switch between two people talking? If so, you need to make that clearer. As it is, I really have no idea who is talking to whom, and i also have no idea what the poem is about. A good way to do this is to play with the format. You could have one side's words on one side of the page, and the other on the other side of the page. You can play with italics, or with indenting the lines of one of the perspectives. The ways are endless, and this poem needs you to implement one.

Something that might help the clarity is if you were to left align this. As it is, the format is very distracting.

The rhythm of this is very choppy. Combine lines to make them longer and smoother.

I have determined that this poem is about someone arguing with themselves about hope. I don't know if this is doing well as traditionally formatted poetry; perhaps prose poetry is the way to go for this one.

In poetry, it is important to show imagery. What does hope look like? What does it smell like? Why did the one side glimpse it and think it was blissful? Don't tell us that they thought it was wonderful, show us how wonderful it is. In poetry, showing and not telling is very important.

I do like the idea of this poem, the two sides arguing about hope, but the execution needs some work in order to properly convey the ideas to the audience. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing!