z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Graduate's Frustration

by Caerulean


It's been long since I've written anything, and I still doubt if I can write poems. lol (I also am still finding it so hard to format things here. -.-) I hope this is enough to express what I'm currently feeling.

- - - - - - -

A Graduate's Frustration

Am I supposed to complain?

Do I have the right to even?

It’s them who raised me,

fed me, gave me everything I needed.

But I’m not listening to them with open ears,

with my mind creating responses

which they would never want to hear.

I just want to be happy,

as cliché as that sounds.

Why is it so hard for me?

I can’t even understand.

I just want to be happy.

But my happiness means laziness,

irresponsibility, unproductiveness.

What good am I to them and to the world

when I’m just being happy doing useless things?

I do not understand…

why productivity does not equal happiness.

Maybe it’s another kind of productivity that would,

but that is irrelevant right now.

It’s so hard when you do not think the same as they do.

Different mindsets, different perspectives, different philosophies.

What would an argument do

but bring more conflict and confusion?

Heck, I’m tired of this…

Wish time would stop for me.

I always wished, but it never did.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
57 Reviews


Points: 246
Reviews: 57

Donate
Wed May 14, 2014 8:05 pm
Weymouth wrote a review...



Hey, Weymouth here for a review of this :D

I like how this poem starts off with a couple of questions, but i'm not sure the second line is correct, shouldn't it be "Do I even have the right?" I may be wrong, but im fairly confident of that.

I did also like "creating responses that they would never want to hear" as it kinda sums up the miscommunication and isolation issues to do with between teenagers/adolescents and parents.

Another thing I liked is the "I just want to be happy" stanza, it gives a feel of a certain longing or loneliness maybe (I dunno, I'm probably really, really misconstrued but that's just my opinion).

I think that this whole piece is full of good life advice and just good quotes to live by, for example "productivity does not equal happiness" I just love that, because it really doesn't half the time, you need to be productive doing something you love in order to be happy. Even though this seems like a rather negative poem, it actually is rather inspiring to me.

All in all, a great piece of writing :D Keep it up!




Caerulean says...


Thanks! :) Glad it inspired you. About the 2nd line, 'Do I have the right to even?' isn't perfectly grammatical but for me it sounds more interrogative, especially with the late 'even' in the line. I don't know. xD



User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 510
Reviews: 15

Donate
Wed May 14, 2014 3:18 am
null25 says...



Okay, I just love the line "Do I have the right to even?" It made me laugh and relate!




Caerulean says...


Hehe, thanks. :)



User avatar
806 Reviews


Points: 1883
Reviews: 806

Donate
Tue May 13, 2014 5:17 pm
Aley wrote a review...



Hey! Nice to see you around again.

You do have some good things going on in this poem. For one, it's edging closer to an individual experience that other people can relate to. Also the formatting you used is really cool. If you want help with formatting poems differently, for instance, creating stanzas there are some good guides for that in the resource sections. This is a good one for stanzas.

If you want to improve the poem, I would try writing it again and see what sticks, but this time, since it is a poem about you personally, try to think of how you could say things that no one else could say. I would not suggest names right away if they aren't necessary, but to show the individualistic aspect of your situation will allow other people to feel the same 'why does no one understand me' and relate to it more like you're telling them a story about how one day when you were 20 you really wanted to yell at your parents for pushing you so hard.

I really love the lines: "But my happiness means laziness,\irresponsibility, unproductiveness." because they flow very well together and it drags us closer to what you're experiencing. The ending is also very strong because it is a personal account of something you used to do. It gives us a chance to observe you.

If you don't want to rewrite anything, then what you can do is edit this to make things more particular and that could give you places you can edit out things. Right now this poem seems a bit long for the subject, so I think deleting some lines might also help simplify and condense things into a more vocal poem.

Overall I think you've got a good start here. With a couple more writes focusing on how to make this more you, less every one, or just eliminating some of the wishy washy phrasing, you can make this into something even better.




Caerulean says...


Thanks for the review! :) About the wishy-washy phrasing, it was probably because I was writing the poem impromptu. I did not edit at all and decided to post it here for a breath of relief from my anxiety. lol

And yes, some lines aren't actually meaningful/are weak and seem only unnecessary, but I think they conveyed the actual stuttering my mind was having while trying to express what I was feeling while writing this. xD Hope you get what I mean. But indeed, this poem could be better. Your review is helpful. :) Thanks again.



Aley says...


With certain motivations, such as to express the stuttering of your mind, I think you're correct to keep them. You could limit them back just erasing a couple things here or there so that the most successful one remains, but it's not necessary to make a great poem, just a possible thing to try ^^.



Caerulean says...


Well I didn't say I didn't agree with you. ;)



User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 355
Reviews: 11

Donate
Tue May 13, 2014 4:21 pm
moment says...



Since I'm new here, I'm not sure if people value other people's opinion on life (or just on writing), but hell, I'm gonna write some.
This isn't really a review. It's not a review at all.
Goal in life of every person is to be happy. Everything you do, you do to make yourself a tiny bit happier. You don't choose what makes you happy, whether it's irresponsible, counterproductive things or, I don't know, torturing small animals.
I love the strong ending and relate to it the most.

I know I'm random,
Moment




Caerulean says...


Well, thank you. :)




There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.
— J.K. Rowling