Young Writers Society

Hello there, and happy review day!

I disagree with Lumi. I think that your use of repetition in every stanza fits the style of the poem, and keeps it consistent, but that's just me. Whatever floats your boat is fine.

Now, as for the content... wow! I think you've managed to accurately convey just about everyone's desire to live in a fictional world. Everybody gets a happy ending in fiction (usually... *coughs* I'm looking at you, Steven Moffat). The sad difference, as you point out, is that not everybody gets a happy ending in real life. I love your minimalistic style of writing in this. It's short and sweet. However, you could use a little bit more figurative language, as it's all fairly straightforward. For instance, take DragonLily's advice on the stanza about the princess and the dragons. Things like that will enrich your poems.

You've done a fantastic job with making this relatable. Well done, and keep on writing!

Great poem! I love it. One suggestion, though-

In fiction the dragons are slain,
And the beautiful princess is rescued,
In reality the princess doesn't believe she's beautiful,
She's been told so many times she isn't.

Perhaps you could say the dragon told her she's not beautiful? That would be kind of like calling society a monster, which is true in my opinion. It might make a bigger impression on the reader.

Hey there, Seraph. I'm Lumi. Let's talk about poetry.

I have to begin by saying that you and I clearly read different types of fiction. I understand the sort of fairy-tale-type fiction you're referring to, but the darker fantasy stuff is totally riddled with death and impunity. Anyway, you have a really melancholy, child-like lyricism here that works on several levels, but after a few stanzas of the established pattern of

In fiction
this happens.
In reality
this happens.

it becomes rather tedious to read. That's something you should never want in your poetry--for the reader to feel dread as they continue to read. This is an easy thing to fix, though, and it begins by analyzing your choice of phrasing. It probably feels safe to have this poem set up this way, with the simple notes of contrast easy to decipher, but I challenge you to get a bit riled up and innovate. You could easily introduce a narrative for several of these stanzas because they present very decent images that could become stories on their own. I like to imagine the heroes overthrowing a king while the poor majority march on Wall Street in America. There are historical (and contemporary) accounts where our heroes and troublemakers are defeated, silenced, even put to death. Draw out that raw emotion and really put the reader in the middle of the emotive scene.

Now, that's all to say, simply, that your poem would benefit from imagery and narration, which is basic stuff. I also want to discuss the choppy flow your apparatus creates, and how it can be fixed. I'm sure you're familiar with the fluidity of soft-stops (commas) as opposed to the rigidity of hard stops (periods), but if you're not, it's the simple concept that these tiny grammatical marks control the mind of the reader. As of right now, each of your line breaks are assigned to a place where a comma already does the job of slowing down the reader enough, and that makes your line breaks redundant. In poetry, they should be used as devices of stress and release that guide the reader through the pace of your thoughts. Compare the following.

In fiction good triumphs over evil,
The way it should,
In reality the lines between them are blurred.

In fiction
good triumphs over evil
as it should, but in reality
the lines between
are blurred

Hi there Gaurav here for a review. I wanted to review this on review day, but couldn't resist the temptation of reviewing it right away Let's start the review.

The poem is simply WOW! The tone of your poem is fabulous. It's a fresh attempt to present an understated emotion. I have to admit I has no idea about the poem reading your quick synopsis. It took me some time to understand, what this poem is all about.

The poem starts on a rough note. I thought you were jumping around with your poem as I read your first two stanzas.

In fiction good triumphs over evil,

The way it should,

In reality the lines between them are blurred.

In reality the princess doesn't believe she's beautiful,

She's been told so many times she isn't.

Spoiler! :

It's a personal opinion, you can keep it as it is if you are satisfied with your poem