Young Writers Society

Hey! XD

I think you have a weird thing going on wit the formatting here, like the spacing betwee lines at the beginning is a bit messed up.
Content wise, I think this is great. However I don't understand all of it I don't think.
Because it is quite metaphorical, the themes in it could apply to literally anything, and I wouldn't know in what direction to target them.
For example:

'not be so scared to soldier on
I need to know it cannot be
that i can't make you fall for me'

They are all quite universal, somewhat 'cliche' phrases, that don't really adhere themselves to any specific meaning.

And the punctuation used in this piece is very sketchy. It exists at the beginning, but it looks like you got bored halfway through and gave up on it.
I would go through and edit this, make it look more regular and read more special.

Keep writing.

~BSF

Heej,

You have captured the exact feeling of the heart.
This is just great!
I can't think of any tips to give you.
Go on like this is my only tip
Greetz,
Xxx

Hi, welcome to Young writers society! I'm alliyah here to review your poem!

No spelling mistakes that I could see except for a few minor ones: a hyphen between "self proclaimed" is necessary, also you didn't capitalize "I" in the 5th to last line. You also need to put an apostrophe in "Its" in the first word of the poem.

I found the structure to be a little distracting, in my opinion unless you are trying to emphasize something by off setting the first 3 lines and the very last line, you should put all the lines together or break them all up. Just be consistent. You could always also break up the poem by putting breaks in the two places you start a line with "But I...."

The rhyming feels a little forced in this, so work to diversify you endings and words in future poems. For example you rhymed "have" with "halve", "on" with "on". The first few rhymes with the -tion endings are great, and "preachers" and "creatures" is also a good rhyme just be careful not to distract from all of your good rhymes with a couple forced ones.

As far as content, the poem hits the tone on the mark for being thought provoking and a little depressing, although with a splash of determination added in. You really do have a lot of really great lines put in this poem, but at the same time I'm having a little difficult following the narrative or line of thought. I think I get the general idea, but some of it's a little unclear like how is the speaker "hacked"? Are you referring to her emotions?, her thoughts?, her literal mind?? And in the end is the "key" truth? Since the key and being free are part of your title, it might be interesting to have a reference to doors, locks, or being trapped some other time in the poem rather than just at the end.

My favorite lines are lines 2-5, I would suggest reworking the first line a bit, because the word "funny" doesn't fit very well with the rest of the tone. Perhaps "Ironic" or even "Heartbreaking" or "sad" would fit better in that spot.

Overall, you had great word choice and your poem seems very genuine, so I give you props for that. Remember, all of my review is just my opinions, and ultimately you know how to best handle your writing. Thanks for posting, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

~alliyah

"This poem is for people that like poems that are sad and romantic in someways. This poems puts readers into the scenes witch they are reading and just want more of the story. I like the way you wrote this and I think you should write more poems like this, please continue writing these. Write what you want to, don't let peoples words get in the way" -EmeraldLinks