Hey, Aurora99! Squeezing in one last review!
I dropped in at the fifth chapter, and I still enjoyed this. Well-measured pace, well-executed descriptions, well-chosen names. Gah. Just "well" in general. Or amazing. "Amazing" suits your writing better.
This has it all: fairies (or faeries), dryads, nymphs, vampires, and Death. Death--such a succulent theme. You could weave so much philosophy out of it. But your voice ... isn't quite philosophical. I'm still trying to grasp it. It's strong, but not necessarily well-defined. Vivid imagery, perfect balance between action and description, and I get the impression that you're capable of humor ... but philosophy? Or ignore me. This is nitpicking to the core, and honestly, I don't feel too strongly about what I just criticized.
Skin as white as snow
Lips as red as blood
Hair as dark as night
Eyes as blue as ice
Normally I'd be tagging this kind of thing as cliché, but I adore the repetition: "[Object] + as + [color] + as [object]." What's more, each word is a single syllable, and that establishes a gorgeous flow. It's just tiny details like this that make my day
.Your grammar's impeccable, as well. I wish that I could make this review longer, but you've really left me speechless. I'm starved for more
. Onto the meager nitpicks ...
We traveled east- or hopefully east
Square the hyphen, and Word will automatically correct it to — . It looks a lot cleaner, and hyphens are meant to connect words, not entire clauses.
With a pang, I realize what a spoiled life I had led.
Accidently switched to past tense here. "Had" should be "have."
when I see the cause of the light, a glowing, eerie, blue stone that emitted golden light.
Accidently switched to past tense here, too. The comma after "light" should also be exchanged for a colon.
“My name is Naith. Do you know me?”
Okay, once again, nitpicking to the core, but I advise that you provide more contrast between your names. Oops, that came out sounding harsh. I love the names; they suit the characters well. But readers could confuse "Nate" and "Naith" in the future. Sometimes readers can be incredibly dense
.You should italicize something whenever you're quoting or simply surround it with quotes. When Naith recites that poem, we have to know that she's not just making something up on the spot.
That's all I have. Looking forward to more!
Points: 31200
Reviews: 308
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