Shoot Me Pretty
Verse:
My pretty valentine, you kill me with those eyes of yours.
My pretty valentine, my rosy cheeks turn pale, my skins turns cold.
I’ll be prettier off dead, I’ll be prettier off dead.
But don’t worry boy, I’ll take to the grave, every secret I hold.
Chorus:
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Verse:
My prayers they’ve been heard, my beauty will be shining through.
My prayer’s they’ve been heard, now I am a dead girl, dead girl walking.
I’ll be prettier off dead, I’ll be prettier off dead.
But don’t worry boy, when ugly girls are dead, they don’t keep talking.
Chorus:
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Bridge:
Let the bullet whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
Take my mind apart.
My Love is in the Brain.
Shoot my deformed heart.
Chorus:
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours.
Okay…this is a little disturbing. I guess it's not my type of poem, so I apologize about that. Looking at it from a technical standpoint, however, it's really quite good. You've got great rhythm and rhyming and it flows well. The song is dark, but at least it's consistently dark and doesn't take any weird twists or turns. So good job writing!
Love the title.
No so in love with the work:
'My pretty valentine, you kill me with those eyes of yours.
My pretty valentine, my rosy cheeks turn pale, my skins turns cold.
I’ll be prettier off dead, I’ll be prettier off dead.
But don’t worry boy, I’ll take to the grave, every secret I hold.'
It just all seems a bit predictable. The rhyme scheme is great. I will give you that. The whole simple, but effective thing and I really like it, but the ideas you are talking about just seem really old. This is probably me being too harsh, I like these lines:
'Shoot me pretty with that gun of yours.
Kill me honey with that love of yours. '
I love them in fact, I just wish you'd done something more original with the rest of the piece.
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