z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Tales of the Argonauts: The Osorezu and the Hana (Chapter 3-1)

by ulala8


Chapter 3: The Children of Light and Mist

The Past

Just as Hana was able to communicate with the spirits, so was her son. However, he was outcast by the children of the other women, as he was different and his hair grew in lighter than theirs. As the years progressed, the differences only became more apparent. The children of the other women began to show violence toward each other and enjoyed playing rough, physical games. They were also fiercely loyal to each other. Hikaru, however, only wished to wander about the forests and speak idly with his mother. He loathed violence and sought peace with the others. He also seemed to accept his loneliness like a bitter ally.

However, that began to change when the other children began to grow older, they began to have feelings toward each other. The children began to age as well and by the time that all of them were 72 seasons old (or eighteen years as we’ve come to understand), Aren and Sano had already vowed themselves to each other and were trying to reproduce. Soon enough, each of the other Ningen chose their mates (some chose from the new Ningen that were birthed from the earth and some chose from the Ningen created by Osorezu). However, Hikaru was left with no one as no one would ever desire to be close to a man who saw and spoke to spirits. They laughed, in fact, and told each other cruel things such as, “He should marry one of those spirits. They are the only ones that could love him.”

Just as the others predicted, not much time passed before Hikaru fell in love with a spirit. He could always be seen in the meadow, basking in the light of the moon and speaking to nothing, but seeming in pure bliss. The others only teased him more as they dubbed him insane for speaking to the air. Aren even stepped forth to Hikaru and said, “If you will show us your mate- assuming that she’s not imaginary- we’ll leave you alone.”

Hikaru could not immediately produce her, so the tormenting continued. Then, on the night of the full moon, a dazzling light touched the meadow and all who saw were filled with a majesty that they could not imagine. The spirit that stood before them was the moon, hair sweeping at her ankles and her skin as pale as ivory. She had narrow hips, but when she turned slightly, it could be seen that she was with child.

“This is impossible!” Aren cried as she backed away from the spirit and her mate. “Hikaru is a black sheep! He is nothing! How could the moon love him?”

The moon tilted her head very slightly before glancing to Hikaru, “Love is not restricted to the few who are high in status nor is it restricted from those who are different. Your love is not the same as Hikaru’s. His love comes from tranquility and understanding. Your love from the need to procreate and gain power. This is why you have not seen me before as I stand before you.”

The other Ningen stumbled back and hurried away. They never bothered Hikaru again, but they still attempted to avoid him as well as they could. The child was born and was dubbed a Child of Light. However, he was far more alike the others than his father and the others gradually grew to accept him. As time went on, the children and grandchildren of Osorezu came to respect the children and grandchildren of Hana and the line between the two became more and more blurred.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1634 Reviews


Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Donate
Sun May 11, 2014 4:13 pm
Deanie wrote a review...



Me again :3

This review is going to be pretty short, seeing as it is a pretty short chapter and an almost perfect one! I really liked this past chapter, more than all the others. It didn't feel so much as a list of things being creature and so on, but more so actually a story with a morale. The speech the spirit gave really showed the meaning clearly, and it made me smile. I bet that the Hana line of children and Osorezu's line have something to do with Kai's story in the future. I can't wait to see the effect of this. Maybe Hana's line was what Kai referred to when she said Children of the Mist? I guess we shall see.

Only one tiny thing to correct.

However, that began to change when the other children began to grow older, they began to have feelings toward each other. The children began


You've got began four times in two sentences alone! I would change the first one to the word 'started' and have 'when the children grew older', leaving the last began right where it is. The third could be formed feelings towards each other.

Hmm so this is what it looks like: However, that started to change when the children grew older and formed feelings for each other. The children began... and so on.

I like this a lot. Favourite chapter to date! I will keep on reading now...

Deanie x




User avatar
806 Reviews


Points: 1883
Reviews: 806

Donate
Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:46 pm
Aley wrote a review...



Hey, Aley here for another installment of what I think about this so far.

I apologize for these getting short. I've already told you most of the things I think.

Actually I really liked this chapter. It is a little less fairy tale than it's kin, which you might want to consider fixing, but I think it is a good explanation of what has happened and how things happened. You've dropped more into a normal speech pattern instead of going through and listing at least three of the pairs of lovers like most of The Brother's Grimm would do, and describing her in detail instead of saying "Beautiful princess" or other romanticist terms. The thing I really liked about this chapter though was that you didn't bother adding any more Japanese to the story. It's sort of awkward that you've moved away from Osorezu, and we don't even hear anything about him really, but that's a part of life.

This is why you have not seen me before as I stand before you.”


My one nit pick would be this. You have the same word in the same sentence twice the same with two different meanings. This makes it awkward.




User avatar
317 Reviews


Points: 20
Reviews: 317

Donate
Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:03 pm
lostthought wrote a review...



Ok, reviewing on my kindle. Let's see how this goes.

Nitpicks
So, let's cover the nitpicks shall we?

She had narrow hips, but when she turned slightly, it could be seen that she was with a child.


Ok, that was the only one I saw. To fix it, you just need the letter 'a'.

What I like
I'm liking it still as I like the other chapters. The description is excellent and I can see what you are writing about like it's a movie in my head. Of course,I still think that the others should chill. Seriously, so what if he is different. At least the child is accepted.

Keep writing!

-lost




ulala8 says...


"With child" is a phrase on its own, but thank you very much! It's so great to have a nice review!!



lostthought says...


Hmm, never heard it before.



ulala8 says...


That's surely odd




Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
— Sylvia Plath