z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dear 'Diary'.

by SecreteJournalist


2-21-14

It started out strange, me and him. A Facebook message, reading 'Hello'.

I didn't really question it, just was glad to have someone

new to chat with. Just knew he was from school.

We didn't talk very much in that first month. Even

then, our conversations were short.

"Hello."

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Listening to music, you?"

"Just sitting."

"Sounds like fun."

"Nah."

As the school year started, we talked a lot more. Brief conversations

turned into hours of deep discussion. It was all online though. We

protested theories and went against rules. Talked of happiness and

joy, and also depression and sorrow. For just messaging eachother

online, it was some of the best conversations I've had. You were the

dreamer; I was the adventure seeker. Putting those two together into

one mass of conversation was always something to look forward to. No

one else knew of our odd friendship, and I think we both liked it that

way.

We hung out in person (besides school) once. It was a pleasant and

memorable day. We met up, and went on a walk. A long walk. He and I

laughed and talked for a while. He even tried to get me to hop a fence

into some type of hangout place. Being as stubborn as I am though, I

refused. He eventually just rolled his eyes and smirked.

"You're stubborn."

"I know, it's what I'm known for."

He proceeded to grin and say,

"You're my stubborn girl."

I never understood what that meant until yesterday. But it's too late

for that. But back to my gist of me and him, we walked until the sun

set. Right before I left, he had called my name and I turned to his

direction. He mumbled quietly never mind and we part our separate

ways.

The year though, eventually came to an end. He was.... moving away, in

a way. I pleaded for him to stay. Eventually though, I told him as

long as he's happy... I'm happy. Three days were left now. Two. That day, he told me, "What should I do?" I was confused at first. But then I understood. He hadn't made a final decision, probably couldn't. "I just want you to be happy. Choose what makes you happy." He was pretty frustrated. "Tell me what you want me to do." I carefully chose some words to say. "Though it's up to you, I would want you to stay. I care too much about you to let you leave." We talked for over four hours that night. He said something I know I'll never forget.

"For you, I'll stay."

He kept his word. He's still here. As I'm writing this, he's living his life.

After the new year, I slipped up. I hinted of a secret. He loves secret's with a passion I didn't know someone could possess. And so, after an half an hour of pleading, I told him.

"I love you."

It's safe to say, he was pretty shocked. He replied with an statement, short but it made my heart leap. I'm not sure if I felt joy or sorrow during that moment.

"I like you. I like you a lot, in fact. But I'm incapable of love."

But lately, me and him began to drift apart. Our daily talks turned into a two day a week kind of thing. That turned into one day. And now, I don't know. We haven't spoken in three days, it hurts pretty bad. Hurts even worse, because he stares at... her with eyes that never stared at me with such passion. Today has been the hardest day. I've pretended to be overly-happy all day, so I won't cry. But now I'm home. And all I can do is cry.

I never thought falling in love would hurt so much.


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6 Reviews


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Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:10 pm
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Thatonewriter wrote a review...



Hello there, my name is 'thatonewriter' but you can just call me Artemis, or Annabel. I'll get to the review now.

-first off, I really enjoyed this little short.

-At the beginning, I really think you did well on the hook, it really pulls people in.

-When you say "It was all online though." I really love how you have such sadness with such bleak words.

-You seem to use 'he' and 'him' a lot. I am going off the assumption this is a real story, and you don't want names mentioned. So maybe a fake name will help?

Spoiler! :
just a suggestion, remember I'm new here and it's just my opinion.


-no grammatical or spelling errors, good.

-I love the confusion the narrator feels when the boy replies, it explains the mind of a teenager

-"because he stares at... her with eyes..." Maybe you should put a period after 'her'. I think it would put a good heart wrenching flow towards the end.

Overall, this short was enjoyably sad and I think people can relate to the heartbreak in the end. Superb job!

-I will love to see more works from you!

~Artemis.




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Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:23 pm
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WritingWolf wrote a review...



Hello again SecreteJournalist!
I can't tell if this is an actual diary entry, or a piece of writing from the viewpoint of your character. If the first, I really don't know how to review this. So I'm going to review this as if it is the second. So if it happens to be the first, please don't take offense at anything I say. Real life will always be different from our stories.

You started it out as if POVC* where talking to the boy. And then you changed it to where POVC is talking to the reader about this boy. I think for the majority of the piece POVC is speaking in the latter, so you need to make the beginning match.

I think you gave this a nice casual feeling. But you also kept it interesting. Good job. Most of the time I don't reader love/break-up/heart break type stuff because usually such pieces sound so, pushy. Like the author is trying to make me feel what they felt. But you don't do that. Which was good, I liked that.
You kept me interested throughout the whole piece. And even though there wasn't a great deal of detail, you where still capable of making me want the boy to stay. I still cared about POVC, I found a way to relate to her even without much detail. Great job.

The on thing I didn't like was you never really explained what he meant by "You're my stubborn girl." At first I had thought that that was the first sign of his love for POVC, but then later you say that he doesn't love her. So what did he mean?

An lastly, a beautiful bitter-sweet ending. You showed how much he cared for POVC, but how he still didn't love her the way that she loved him. Beautiful, beautiful.


Overall, this piece was much more enjoyable then I had first expected. You just need to tie up that one lose end.
Brilliant work. Just the sheer realness of this piece makes me believe that this probably did happen to you. Or you're just an amazing writer. Wait, no, the previous sentence should have started with "and" not "or." (<that's a complement)
Wonderful job! Keep writing!
~WW


*Point of View Character






Thanks for the review!(:



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171 Reviews


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Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:39 pm



I apologize for the formatting of this. It kinda glitches on my iPad. I'll fix it when I get home.





Pain is filtered in a poem so that it becomes finally, in the end, pleasure.
— Mark Strand