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Sandcastles

by katefrench461


ours is the story

that ruins the dreams

of little girls with wide eyes

and bigger imaginations

because life isn’t made of

fairy tales

and there isn’t always a

happy ending

or really an ending at all

-

when my carefully crafted castle

crumbles and fades

lacking more than

simply cornerstones

I was never a princess

nor you a prince

but in the end it was lady distance

that proved to be our

evil queen

and age the spell

that sealed the deal

-

when a chateau of opportunity

built in sand

with two towers and a deep moat

by guarded hands

is washed away

by the ocean of time

not all at once

but slowly, steadily with each

new wave


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122 Reviews


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Reviews: 122

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Fri Feb 21, 2014 2:31 am
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Purple wrote a review...



Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Now, let's get started
This was such an alluring poem to read, just wow. I have to say my favorite part is the first stanza where you're giving the harsh reality of life that thing's don't turn out how you expect them to when you are younger. I would just fix the third line in the second stanza "for more was lacking than" because it doesn't fit with the other two lines before it at all. No big deal. You could possibly change it to simply "more was lacking than" or change it to "there was more lacking than". To continue with what I like, the representation with sand and showing how things are never permanent was just sublime. I hope you have a great rest of the day!
~Purple




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170 Reviews


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Reviews: 170

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Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:32 pm
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deleted5 wrote a review...



Hey there katefrench!
I really liked this poem! Some of the imagery in it is very imaginative and suiting. My favourite bit was:

because life isn’t made of

fairy tales

and there isn’t always a

happy ending

or really an ending at all

I thought this bit is quite an unique way of thinking! Very good!
Sometimes in this poem though I found certain lines felt a bit... cut off. One for example was:[quote]that proved to be our

evil queen
[quote]
It just feels like that this should be one line. Just my opinion though!
Overall, very nice poem! *drops like*
[quote]




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212 Reviews


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Reviews: 212

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Wed Feb 19, 2014 6:06 am
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ScarlettFire wrote a review...



Hi there, katefrench461! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem this afternoon. ^^

I really like this poem. It's kind of bittersweet yet still sort of cute but also sad. The flow was very good, with only a few hitchs in places, but that's okay. Nothing is ever perfect. I really like how each verse went, especially this whole of verse one;

ours is the story

that ruins the dreams

of little girls with wide eyes

and bigger imaginations

because life isn’t made of

fairy tales

and there isn’t always a

happy ending

or really an ending at all


It's brilliant. I really like the imagery here, the idea of how this story can ruin things, mostly because this is very true. Not every tale is a happy one. *nods* Very good job here. You've certainly written something very good and I don't think it needs anything fixed or anything.

I do like how you've pointed this out here;

I was never a princess

nor you a prince


And went on to say that distance was the evil queen and age the spell. Brilliant imagery here. I love it!

I'm bit iffy with the start of the third verse. It feels like the start is a little awkward, but then it gets good. And with that, I've got nothing else to say, sadly. The imagery is brilliant, I like how you've got a theme going and I like the flow. So I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scarli. <3





Doing that kind of work, you really get to know if you like animals. If you can somehow enjoy cleaning out their cages, then you know you genuinely love animals.
— Jack Hanna