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Every piece of me is true

by Ravenboy

I'm not gold,

That can bear the aging of time ,

Without any tarnish on my spirit

I'm not diamond,

That can stand strong

Against the hardship of the world

Not am I a spider's silk,

With the awing resilience

To rebound back words of knives

Though I'm made of

Broken smiles and tight-strung nerves

And oh, even if I'm broken


Every piece of me is true

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17 Reviews

Points: 368
Reviews: 17

Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:47 pm
gottahaveFaith wrote a review...

Dear Ravenboy,

Hey, its gottahaveFaith and I wanted to start by saying that I like the overall idea of your poem.
There are only a few things I would suggest to maybe take a closer look at.

When I first started to read the poem I had to read each stanza more than two times to understand that the next two lines of each stanza refer back to the first one. I feel like the way you have the poem broken up into stanzas the way it is makes it a bit confusing.

Maybe you could play around with it to see if something flows more and make more sense. Maybe I am the only one who is having an issue reading it.

One thing I like is you comparing yourself to the abilities each thing holds like gold and diamonds. However I feel like the lack of that connection directly between both you and the abilities of spider's silk. I feel like the stop of a direct connection broke my concentration from your idea of the poem. I like being completely captivated by words in a poem and to break concentration to spot something like that that isn't fitting in with the beginning of the poem… I think there is a way to change that and to compare that as well so it flows with the beginning of the poem. Once again just what I noticed

I like your break in the last stanza to practically whisper broken like its a painful memory. In fact your last stanza is my favorite one. I like the imagery you use by saying " Broken smiles and tight-strung nerves" and how you turn the poem around at the end by saying that every piece of you is true. The message I got out of it was even though you aren't perfect you aren't pretending to be someone your not and I think thats beautiful. So whether or not that was what you were trying to portray I enjoyed it.

Keep writing- I look forward to reading more from you!


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183 Reviews

Points: 1810
Reviews: 183

Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:18 am
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Whoo! *waves flag and throws confetti* Ravenboy is back!
Great work, loved it! :D *pulls party popper*

Ravenboy says...

^-^ Thanks fin girl.

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44 Reviews

Points: 1230
Reviews: 44

Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:04 pm
Dreamer84 says...

Wow that is a really powerful poem. However It really didn't make sense to me. I really don't know what made it not make any sense but it just didn't. I think that maybe you could probably change it up a bit to make it make more sense to the readers. otherwise it is really good and a very strong piece you are a very talented writer. keep up the good work and good luck :)

Ravenboy says...

I write for myself, but I also write for the readers. Is up to them how they interpret this, if you have any questions. Please feel free to PM. Thank you for the review!

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11 Reviews

Points: 1017
Reviews: 11

Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:54 pm
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Ell15 wrote a review...

I like this! Especially the last part. Like, it doesn't matter how tough and resilient you are, you're still you. I like it.

The only criticisms I have are the punctuation and the line where you say "to rebound back words of knives". Your comma placement was just a little off--I would take out the commas after the first lines, because if you were reading it out loud as a sentence, you wouldn't pause there.

I think it's a little redundant to say "rebound back", since rebound already means "to bounce back". You could replace "back" with "the", maybe, to keep the same sort of rhythm. "To rebound the words of knives"? Just go with what feels right to you.

Overall, I really like it! The meaning of it really struck me.
Thanks for sharing!(:

Ravenboy says...

Thanks Ell15! Yes, I have never been very good with punctuation, thank you for these kind suggestions. I shall change them as soon as possible.

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170 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 170

Sun Feb 16, 2014 9:28 am
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deleted5 wrote a review...

Hey there Ravenboy! Welcome back to YWS!
First off I really like how you described different things from gem stones to spider webs and compared them to a person. Very interesting and actually really deep!
My favourite line was:

Not am I a spider's silk,

With the awing resilience

To rebound back words of knives

Not many people would use a spider's web to describe a person.
I can't find many things wrong with this. You have all the capitals in the right places and such. I would like to say saying two very similar things i.e. gold and diamond can feel and bit odd. I think it could be better if you described another odd item like the web later on rather than something similar to the previous if you get what I mean.
Overall, really good poem! *drops like*

Ravenboy says...

Thank you! Ah, I wasn't aiming to do anything except to compare how hard the diamond is, I can't think of another mineral that was as hard as the diamond. Thanks for the like!

"The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."
— Louis C.K.