This is a really cool introduction, and I love how you wrote this as a movie scene.
1 THE BOOK HOUSE
The locals called it the Book House.
It was a small house in the center of town. The outer walls were entirely made up of windows that afforded a view of the interior, which was almost entirely made up of books. The inner walls were constructed of tomes stacked in piles from floor to ceiling, back cover to front cover; the desk and bedframe and wall cubbies were made of books. Even the bookshelves were made of books.
The Book House had been a point of interest and favorite topic of discussion amongst the locals since its completion nearly six years ago. Newcomers, if they provided no interest themselves, were regaled with tales of the house and its elusive owner by the jolly (if inebriated) patrons of the Dragon’s Den Pub.
“You seen it yet?” the trash-collector asked one Thursday night at the Den. The newcomer in question, a balloon-artist from London, shook his head. “Just wait. Over on Cherry Street, across from the park. Can’t miss it. You can see right inside—big glass windows all across the front. Can even catch a glimpse of the bloke what lives there, if you’re lucky. I reckon I seen him myself, once.”
The bar patrons gathered close. The Book House’s owner was famously reclusive; they loved to exchange stories about him.
“What’d he look like, Spitz?”
“Tall fella, real tall but thin as a stick. Pale, like. Well, I ‘spose he don’t get out much, eh? And he’s got a big red beard, the loveliest beard you’d ever hope to see.”
His audience sat back again, shaking their heads. A bushy red beard on someone so bookish? He couldn’t expect them to believe that.
“He hasn’t got a beard,” one of the other patrons said, and then, leaning in toward the balloon-artist: “Don’t you listen to him. I’ve seen him myself, the man who lives in the Book House. He’s tall and thin alright, but clean-shaven as a newborn babe.”
“And his hair isn’t red at all,” said the local barber. “It’s black as night. As if he don’t look tragic enough, always in shirtsleeves like he was off to a funeral—”
The trash-collector eyed the other drinkers. “What’s this about shirtsleeves? He were wearing an old t-shirt and jeans, like I am now. And his hair was red, I tell you.”
The others shouted him down, but in truth the trash-collector had gotten perhaps the longest and best look at someone inside the Book House, out of the group at the Dragon’s Den that night. He was simply mistaken about whom he had seen. It had not been the owner himself, but rather the owner’s father, whose magnificent beard had remained steadfastly ginger until its wearer’s death half a year ago.
His son, however, was neither bearded nor ginger. He was as tall and skinny as his father had been, so the suits he wore for work had to be tailored to fit his lanky frame. But there their similarities ended. His hair was black and his eyes as pale and blue as an iceberg, though few people ever noticed his eyes between his glasses and the way he looked down when strangers passed by. He worked, as you might guess from his appearance, a rather dull job as a staff accountant, but the townspeople knew nothing about this.
“What’s his name?” the balloon-artist asked. “This bookworm of yours.”
“Abernathy, that’s what it says on the post-box,” the postmaster said. “C. Abernathy. Doesn’t get much mail, just bills and things. Not even a card for his birthday. Sad, I say.”
“All alone, poor bloke,” the barber said. “Don’t say much when he come in for a trim. Just please and thank you and how much will that be. Politest fellow you’ve ever seen, but it’s just not good for a man to be so alone in the world.”
Though largely unacquainted with the Book House’s owner, the townspeople were fond of him in the way small-town residents often become fond of a belligerent but untroublesome drunk. They believed their bookish hermit to be wealthy and eccentric, a classic recluse. Nonetheless, he was pronounced an oddity to the London balloon-artist.
“He’s a strange one, whatever he looks like,” the trash-collector said. “Only a weirdo would live in a house made of books. Seems an awful fire hazard to me. Not that it isn’t the prettiest little house you’d ever hope to see, but all the same—”
The balloon-artist thought privately he had seen much stranger things in the townspeople’s own park than a recluse whose house was made of books. He said nothing, however, preferring to nod at appropriate moments in the running commentary. A short while later, as the townspeople became increasingly intoxicated and their stories less coherent, the balloon-artist slipped out of the pub unnoticed and headed in the direction of Cherry Street.
This is a really cool introduction, and I love how you wrote this as a movie scene.
I probably made you're eyes go wide or I made you cringe or something I dunno but the title sounded super fun so here I am. TCG was crazy awesome so I'm here for more. :3
~Lib
Heya BlueAfrica, I admire you for being so dedicated for this novel. I believe that you are revising it for the third time, correct?
The locals called it the Book House.
Even the bookshelves were made of books.
And he’s got a big red beard, the loveliest beard you’d ever hope to see.”
Heya BlueAfrica, here I am just to comment that I have read this first chapters. I think that you have plenty and enough reviewers on this chapter, even though it's revised so I will move on to read the next one. I just have to say that I love love this idea and I already adore your writing style.
/pretzelsing/
As I warned you yesterday, there are a LOT of reviews (especially on the first several chapters, less as you get further along), but if you find anything you'd like to mention and get a few points for, I am all ears.
Just leaving a comment. I love the idea of a book house. Very cool. I also love that you entitled some of your characters based upon their occupations. Like balloon maker. I have to say, the way you've described this Abernathy character is almost identical to the way my character Terance looks in my stories. I will be sure to read more of this and give you helpful reviews when you need them.
Hey, Blue! Reviewing from Team Plasma, and out of all of the possible novels I could have picked for the Elite Eight challenge, I picked yours. And I always want to review all the chapters chronologically in a novel, so it looks like I'll be doing my best to review till the very end! (Plus I've heard a lot about this novel, so I'm excited to start reading it.)
This chapter is short, sweet, and a perfect introduction to a book. I can already tell that the place of books is a mysterious place with a mysterious man and his father, so good job on that. The hook could have been stronger, but it reeled me in and made me more excited, so that's all that matters.
I loved the first paragraph with the descriptions of books, and I think it's a perfect opportunity to bring in sensory details—especially smell. Oh man, the smell of new or old books? They're unlike anything you've ever smelled, and I'm sure you're probably bouncing around and agreeing. Sensory details are so important to make the story breathe and pulse alive, and to have that part of the hook would be phenomenal.
I liked the initial confusion of the red-bearded and dead-as-night descriptions. It brings out the mysterious atmosphere, because the people in the town don't know their facts quite well either. It makes the readers want to read more and answer the question at the end of chapter one: "Who is the Book Man?"
However, after their little spiel, the descriptions turned into exactly that—descriptions. Avoid long physical descriptions whenever possible, especially at the beginning of the novel. Since the characters and story are new at the beginning, the readers will most likely not remember the descriptions, and they might get a bit bored anyways. Instead, let out a few physical treats at a time, and stretch it out for a few chapters. It's much better than info-dumping.
That's all I have for this chapter, so onto chapter two! Keep writing.
Wow this is like so amazing. I really like it a lot. You like literally drew me in right from the start and I don't normally say that for most stories. I CANT WAIT TO READ THE REST OF WHAT YOU HAVE.
I'm getting chills. This is a great introduction. You are a great writer. I can HEAR the ACCENTS. I love the atmosphere and the description of the book house. The man sounds nice and the balloon artist is curious, though skeptical. I'll continue reading. Please keep writing!!
The flow was great and the grammar spot on, you were perfectly on top of everything. The characters are well rounded in the few words and actions they get. And you left me curious as to what would happen next.
An easy, clean cut, 10/10 that I thought I'd never give out.
Very much looking forward to reading the second chapter!! (Which I am going to do, right now!)
I'm getting chills. This is a great introduction. You are a great writer. I can HEAR the ACCENTS. I love the atmosphere and the description of the book house. The man sounds nice and the balloon artist is curious, though skeptical. I'll continue reading. Please keep writing!!
The flow was great and the grammar spot on, you were perfectly on top of everything. The characters are well rounded in the few words and actions they get. And you left me curious as to what would happen next.
An easy, clean cut, 10/10 that I thought I'd never give out.
Very much looking forward to reading the second chapter!! (Which I am going to do, right now!)
This is very very well written. personally, i loved it. Very good description. I'd like to read more, and definitely will take the time later to read the rest of it. I was sorta sucked into it, kinda drawn into the void of the words. I love when that happens thanks for a good read! Will be sure to read more!
Ooh I like this change. I wasn't too much a fan of the big bit of description at the beginning, but I like being able to see the local's opinion of him. And I guess this is how Conrad gets to know of him too, before they meet ^^ Nice. I like this version of the chapter better...
Timmy here for a quick review!
I remember that you reviewed many of my pieces, but I have never really returned the favor. I shall do so now! Here is my goal, so that you may remember it and scold me if I don't finish within the next couple years or so. I will go through and review all of your Bookman, or at least try. There will probably be a few chapters that I skip over because they are too good, and I can't find anything in them to nitpick.
I love, love your beginning. For some reason, it reminded me of the beginning of Lord of the Rings. Gossiping townsfolk spreading rumors about the most mysterious guy in town. In that case, it was Bilbo Baggins. In this case, its C. Abernathy. Bilbo went on a long adventure afterwards. I just have this feeling that Christian is going to, as well. Starting your book off this way really pulled me in. The chapter had this mysterious air to it, everyone in the pub throwing in their two cents(and often, their twenty dollars) worth of opinions, while most, if not all of them, were incorrect in one way or another. The balloon artist seems the only one who possessed a level of common sense in the pub, preferring to sit back and just listen. He seems like he is going to be a big part in the book, but I don't know what yet.
ALL THE QUESTIONS!
An entire house full of books? Sounds... expensive. xD Aley was going over how it would--and if it would work. I know that you did your research to make sure that it was possible, but I am sure that it could work. Possibly. One issue, though. The house would have to have some other materials besides the books in order to remain standing. Foundation, nails, rafters(absolutely necessary. No way books can do what the trusses do) I think that it may be possible for books to be the walls and such, though. Oh, and roofing! That would have to be something besides books. Perhaps specially shingles specially made to look like pages of a book? Just a suggestion. With your description of the house, I can really see all of the books lining up to create that purty picture. It sounds so cool!
Over on Cherry Street, across from the park
But there their similarities ended
Seems an awful fire hazard to me
Hello~
Aley here.
This was really easy to read, which is great because I get bored with reading things that are hard to read.
I really love how you introduced us to the story. It is so true that people in towns like that mill about and decide to talk about "that one guy" and tell you about all the really cool places like "The xen y" which has been [Yatta yatta yatta yatta.] I think there are some things that could be changed though, and some physics problems that need attention.
The biggest plot thing I've noticed is that you say
and yet, you also say that the barber cuts his hair, and appears to know that he cuts his hair.but in truth the trash-collector had gotten perhaps the longest and best look at someone inside the Book House
“Don’t say much when he come in for a trim. Just please and thank you and how much will that be. Politest fellow you’ve ever seen, but it’s just not good for a man to be so alone in the world.”
this transition is absolutely great. It's amusing, light-hearted, and well timed. I also love how much of a snoop the townspeople are.A short while later, as the townspeople became increasingly intoxicated and their stories less coherent,
Hi, BlueAfrica. This is Pinkie here for a review for the Rugido Sol. I like to be your reviewer if you don't mind.
I love this chapter. It is very amazing and engrossing to read. I like the descriptions on there. It gave the image of the story in my head. The plot is very good and the chapter is just....interesting! It made want to read more of your novel! It made me lured in the chapter already! However, some of the sentences made me confused. Maybe you need to check before you publish this, but it is still amazing! I hope to read more from you! Have a nice day.
Awesome job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: Happy review day!
Alrighty, I'll bite on your challenge and see how far I get. Hopefully I will be of some help to you!
First thoughts on first read through:
Newcomers, if they provided no interest themselves,
jolly (if inebriated) patrons
He worked, as you might guess from his appearance, a rather dull job as a staff accountant
A short while later, as the townspeople became increasingly intoxicated and their stories less coherent, the balloon-artist slipped out of the pub unnoticed and headed in the direction of Cherry Street.
For a man whose cart had just been upset, he seemed incredibly personable.
Three children who had been trailing after their parents shouted in delight and chased after the drifting balloons. The accounting forms, being rather less interesting, were lost to the wind.
On to the next, shall we?Okay, so I haven't read this at all, this will be my first chapter, and I also haven't read any of the other reviews (I don't like doing that), but what better way to start off my reviewing streak with The Book Man?
Keep in mind, I haven't reviewed in quite awhile, so I might be a little rough around the edges xD
Shall we begin?
Chapter 1:
Okay, first off, I couldn't find a spelling mistake in this chapter. I shouldn't be surprised, seeing how many other people reviewed this and probably how much you revised this. It's a short chapter, and I will get somewhat nitpicky, if that's alright with you.
The locals called it the Book House.
“What’d he look like, Spitz?”
“Only a weirdo would live in a house made of books.
The balloon-artist thought privately that he had seen much stranger things in the townspeople’s own park than a recluse whose house was made of books.
“I do, yes,” he said. “And, as a matter of fact, I ought to be getting back to it. A pleasure meeting you—yes, a pleasure. Thank you. Goodbye!”
He felt it was unbookish to enjoy it; he ought to have been more interested by classical music, but he couldn’t help it that he found Bach and Schumann dull.
BlueAfrica! This is a hooking beginning you have. I'm usually not into 'short chapters' (I think it has to do with the Goosebumps series employing them- I hated that series) but I think it works for your story.
Your writing style is very hooking! Short sentences and neat descriptions. Maybe too neat?
Back then it was covered in torn and tarnished papery gold upholstery, the stuffing spilled from the seat, and the wooden pieces were weathered as if the chair had previously lived on someone’s patio.
In the center of town stood a glass house filled with books. The inner walls were made of books stacked in piles from the floors to the ceilings; the desk and bed-frame and wall cubbies were made of books; even the bookshelves were made of books.
And at night, when the park finally closed, Conrad Smithson came knocking on the door of the Book House to offer its owner his choice of leftover balloon-animals.
Messenger here to review for you. I'll be reviewing b sections.
Chapter one
I got two things to say. Number one, that was just so beautifully detailed and explained in so few but powerful words. It sounds like such a pretty and mysterious house. Number two, I WANT THAT HOUSE!!!!! Ok that is about it for chapter 1
Chapter two
(he read the banned books especially eagerly)
It adds realisticness to it with another in his hand and a dead flashlight lodged uncomfortably beneath his cheek.
and myriad other creatures.
Hullo! I've been intending to review this for a really long time, but procrastination just keeps getting in my way. Without further ado then -- onwards!
Page 1: The Book House
First off, I love your format! It was a little confusing in the beginning, but it gives your writing character, and is just so very intriguing! The setting is wonderful, as is the idea of living in a house made of books. But it feels kind of ... bland, I think. Not the idea in itself, more like the way you've introduced us to this world. I think it would be slightly more captivating if you played with the sentences a bit; shuffled them up like a deck of cards. I know I'm not being very clear on this, but that first sentence:
In the center of town stood a glass house filled with books.
even the bookshelves were made of books.
from the time of his childhood in the dingy alleyways of London.
Hey Blue!
Yes, yes I am finally here... I know it took me a while *hides* And even now that I am here this review is going to be pretty short because the reviewers ahead of me have done a wonderful job. And you're writing itself is amazing. So yes, I don't think there is much to add. I'll write this review based on what I think.
Chapter 1: Great description of the book house. It sounds just like my kind of place, almost too real to be true. I'm not sure how I feel about the very first chapter being opened with description... I know patient readers like me don't mind, especially as its such a short bit. But hmmm... depends on what chapter two is like.
Chapter 2: Agh, now the house and Christian both sound like my type of people/things! Now I'm just curious as to what is going to happen next. Some people might not have been so with it though. So far we've only got descriptions of a house and a person (who seems to be a pretty normal person. Maybe spectacular things are going to happen to them, but so far you might want to add something gripping, something less "standard.")
Chapter 3: The balloon man sounds interesting. Now I can picture the book house and alongside its ceiling some stray balloons are bobbing there, twisted to be shaped like animals. I must say you have a great way with managing to paint vivid images with your words. And although I REALLY like the first chapter, some people may not. For me as a person it's intriguing. I'm curious to what might happen to these characters, where this story is going to go next. You can go in any direction. My main problem is that some people might think 'boring' and move on. This may not be the type of audience you wanted to capture, but if you wanted to widen your audience this might be something to think about? I don't know where this is going yet, so it's really up to you and what you want.
For me though, I loved it <3 Going on to read more!
Deanie x
Hey Blue! Auxii here to review! I waaas going to review just the chapters in the Green Room, but that would be lik skipping the first chapters of a book, and no one would do that. This may be more of a ramble than a review...
Page 1:
I adore the concept of the Book House! But what happens when he wants to read one of the books making a wall? wouldn't the whole wall fall over? D: That would be a catastophe! I'm guessing it's a bungalow, cause that would be hard >.>
The image you've built of the Book House is amazing! I can just close my eyes and see it in the evening, with soft light glowing inside and the stars glowing through the ceiling!
Page 2:
This sentence seems a little awkward to me:
He wore black-rimmed glasses and three-piece suits, which he had to have tailored because he was so lanky.
Blue!
I was going to jump on your chapters still sitting in the Green Room, but ended up breaking down and deciding to head back to the start and review all the way through because hey I love full novels and also I love beginnings. So here we go!
Page One
Okay, so I can see you're going for an interesting stylistic thing here with the super short "chapters" and I can totally get behind that. I'm going to refrain from making any more comments on that structure until I've gotten a bit further in, so that I can really say something meaningful about how it carries through the story.
The problem I do have with this opening chapter, though, is that it just isn't a very interesting way to start a story. You have a super interesting place, but all we get is a run-on infodump about it that is also kind of detached because we don't get a good character to ground ourselves in until the last sentence of the chapter.
Your first chapter, your first sentences have to be among the strongest in your book. Especially when it comes to sending it out to agents, who only look at the first page - if that -when determining if they want to buy your book. The best openings, in my opinion, open en medias res ("in the middle of things"). It doesn't have to be something action-packed, but it's got to have something - preferably someone! - for me to connect to immediately and invest myself in. Also, using action to describe a setting always makes it a more interesting place than sitting there reading a laundry-list of characteristics!
Page Two
Christian Abernathy. A man of books. So what?
As it is, Christian seems like a lovely fellow. Nice enough, quiet, keeps to himself. But what is it about him that should make me want to hear his story? He likes books? So what, I know a thousand people (and a thousand fictional characters) who love books.
As our main character, and the person I as the reader am supposed to become invested in, am supposed to root for, I need to know why I should care about him. What are his struggles? His pains? What has he lived through? What has almost done him in? What about him do I identify with? Why should I sympathize with him rather than any other person who could tell me this story? Why is this Christian's story, and why do I care about it?
This is a sweet opening for a character in chapter two, but it isn't a whole lot past that. Christian has lived an almost perfect life, one of presumed wealth and success, that has allowed him to do everything he has dreamed of with little difficulty. That's great for Christian, but that's not why we read fiction. We read fiction to watch people struggle, to find pain that we can identify with and triumph we can feel for. I want to love Christian, but right now I only kind of like him.
Page Three
Another character! I like that he's a balloon maker. It's interesting and different and kind of reminds me of Carl from Up with his balloon stand outside of the zoo, which also kind of sets it in my mind in the past.
Speaking of which, what exactly is the time period? The style of narration - as well as certain facts like this - makes it seem like this story isn't a modern one, or one set in our own time. But then they're accountants who presumably live in a pretty modern world and those two images clash for me. It might be that I'm just having a hard time picturing the world being set up here, though. I have a lot of questions about this place, like: how big is the town? is it busy? are there a lot of people living there, packed into tight spaces? or are the streets open, the houses set far apart? what other towns or cities are close? Is London nearby? Is this London? Is Christian's house made entirely of glass? Or is it just called that because it has really big windows facing the front of the house?
Answering these questions, and really giving a strong setting will help the reader step into the world and ground themselves in where they are in this story. That will help get a better understanding of the characters, too, who also feel underdeveloped.
For example, this is my biggest issue in these first three chapters plot/character-wise:
Christian asked one day, and that was how they met.
Hey Blue! I'm here to plague your novel =]
Page One
I haven't read enough to fully understand where the 'page one, page two, page three' structure comes from, but I like it. It's interesting.
As for Page One as an opening... I don't know what to make of it XD There's nothing particularly gripping about it and it feels a bit info-dumpish, however because it's so short I kept on reading. I'll read more and decide later whether I think it's a good option or not.
Page Two and Three
Again, the same as page one. Christian is a peculiar guy =p but I still have no idea where this is going.
I do however like the contrast between them. Christian seems like a bit of a hermit, and Conrad is much more sociable, which is really good! Characters and relationships are important so I'll be interested to see how this spans out.
Hi, darling. Here as promised <3
Okay, so nitpicks:
and there he would lay in bed with his hands behind his head and watched the sky darken
The someone would smile and wave;
The only exception was when the someone was the balloon-artist
Hi, GreenTulip here for a review.
Okay, as I read this (Well what I did read of it..I got lost after two paragraphs in page two), it is pretty good.
I am going to offer you a way to edit your 'page one'.
This is how you have it. Edits I have made will be in bold
In the center of atown stood a glass house filled with a large amount of books. The Book House was a favorite spot for the locals to stop by on the way home in the evening, when it was ablaze with light and every detail of the architecture and furniture was visible. The inner walls were constructed of books stacked in piles from the floors to the ceilings; the desk and bed-frame and wall cubbies were made of books; even the bookshelves were made of books.
It was for this reason that the locals called it the Book House, but there was one thing inside that was not made of books. It was the lonely reading-chair, which was a puffy armchair upholstered in fake red velvet. It sat in the spot of glory by the front window in the reading-room, where sunlight streamed down on it all day and the comings and goings of visitors to the park across the way could be observed at leisure.
Every detail could be seen—except its maker. He removed himself each night to the sanctuary of the inner rooms, his bedroom and study, and there he lay in bed with his hands behind his head and watched the sky darken through the glass ceiling.
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