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Her Name Was Jessica

by Wildspark

I must have looked nuts just sitting there and staring at the door, but I didn't care. I tapped my desk impatiently and looked at my watch. Eight Twenty-Nine. I wondered if she was coming to school that day. She has to come, I thought. Today was the day that I was going to embark on the most dangerous and perilous endeavor of my entire life: I was going to ask out Jessica Vasquez.

From the first moment that I saw her, I knew that she was something special. She got good grades, was kind to everyone and had a great sense of humor. Jessica was so gorgeous that she just had to look at a guy and he would melt into a puddle on the floor. After a long internal battle the night before, I had decided that I was finally going to ask her out. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart was already racing. The classroom door flew open and Jessica walked in. The butterflies flapped their wings like mad and my heart started beating like a snare drum.

She pushed a strand of brown hair out of her eyes and sashayed to her seat. That seat just happened to be right next to mine. My heart was beating so fast that I was afraid I might go into cardiac arrest. Alright, it's show time, I thought to myself. I snuck a quick glance at her. She was copying the notes that the teacher had written on the board. Without meaning to, I found myself staring at her lips. Those plump, red lips. I managed to pry my eyes away before she caught me. A drop of sweat rolled down my face and my hands felt clammy. Get a hold of yourself and just go for it! I yelled internally.

But I couldn't help but think that Jessica wouldn't be interested in someone like me. I wasn't popular or good at sports and I don't think anyone would consider me attractive. There was nothing that made me special. Jessica could have any guy she wanted, so there was no way that she would settle for me. It was unthinkable. It was impossib--

"Hey Kevin, could you get my pen for me? It fell next to your foot," Jessica whispered. She was actually talking to me? I tried to keep the shock off of my face as i leaned down and grabbed it.

"Here you go." I handed it back to her. She grinned and I couldn't help but smile back

"Thanks Kev!" I turned back to my notebook and willed myself to stop blushing.

"No problem." Jessica went back to copying notes. I'd had enough of the suspense.

"Jessica, I have to ask you something," I started. She turned towards me again.

"Sure, what's up?" It was now or never. I mustered all of the courage I had.

"Do you want to go out some time? With me?" I blurted out. I braced myself for the harsh rejection. Jessica looked surprised and then she actually started to blush! She ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook and quickly scribbled something on it before handing it to me. The paper had some numbers written on it.

"I was wondering when you would finally ask me out," she said, still blushing. "Call me tonight, okay?"

I just nodded. Jessica winked at me and went back to work. Mission accomplished.

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104 Reviews

Points: 4629
Reviews: 104

Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:13 am
comrie wrote a review...

Hey there, here to read =)

This is incredibly cute. I honestly could not find any faults anywhere. I think most of the other reviewers probably pointed them all out and it looks like you got to work!

I think that the title should capitalized at some parts. Right now it's "Her name was Jessica." If it were any other sentence, then this would be all right. But it's not - this is the title. So, remember: caps. Her Name Was Jessica - I think that would be better, but it's up to you, haha. I wish I could offer more than praise but I've got nothing else to say.

So: awesome job! Keep writing!

(Sorry about that previous "review"!!)

Wildspark says...

Thanks and it's okay haha

User avatar
104 Reviews

Points: 4629
Reviews: 104

Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:10 am
comrie says...


User avatar
187 Reviews

Points: 13001
Reviews: 187

Wed Jan 15, 2014 3:40 am
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...

PeanutPhoebe, here to review! This story was TOO CUTE! Loved your use of words. I also like how you broke up dialogue into sentences. Your descriptions were great! Simple, yet informative. I honestly can't think of anything I didn't like! I know I say that a lot, but that's because it's true! Everyone on here has amazing writing!

Wildspark says...

Thanks haha :)

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49 Reviews

Points: 398
Reviews: 49

Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:53 am
thehotinpsychotic wrote a review...

This was an adorable story.

The only wrong things are that you can't have a cardiac arrest, the subject and verb don't agree. You go into cardiac arrest, and have a heart attack. It's not proper grammar. Also, you might want to have it so they're whispering or at least talking softly when Jessica gets asked out, because I couldn't help but wonder why the teacher wasn't yelling at them for talking during class.

Good writing skills though, and some nice vocabulary. Overall cute story.

Wildspark says...

Thanks for the critique

Wildspark says...

Thanks for the critique

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269 Reviews

Points: 208
Reviews: 269

Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:17 pm
Gravity wrote a review...

I loved this story. The only negative thing I have to say is that at one point, you accidentally change the tense.

She gets good grades, is kind to everyone and has a great sense of humor.

Since most of the story is written in the past tense, I thought it was odd that you changed it here.

Other than that, I thought this was absolutely adorable and I loved it. You did a good job, and although it was just a little corny, I thought the corny factor made it even more cute. This was refreshing because lots of people have decided to write about darker topics and things that are more emotional (that includes me), but this story was just so light and refreshing. Keep Writing and I definitely look forward to reading more from you.


Wildspark says...

I didn't realize that I changed the tense. Thanks for pointing that out. I actually like writing dark stories, but I wanted to try something different for once haha.

Nice! Yeah I think that's something we should all do. Try something different, I mean.

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41 Reviews

Points: 1963
Reviews: 41

Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:28 pm
Inkpot wrote a review...

This was a cute little piece- I enjoyed it :)
Some of the images you create in your writing are really interesting. For example:
"he would melt into a puddle on the floor"
"pushed a strand of brown hair out of her eyes and sashayed to her seat."
I thought the piece was a good length and had a strong ebginning and end, which made it very pleasent to read. There's only one little thing about it that I personally would change, but it is only because it doesn't read well for me. It's this line:
"Those juicy, red lips."
To me, the word "juicy" just doesn't fit in with the rest of the gentle language thaat you've used. "Juicy" seems a bit... well, edible, to me. I would change it to something like "plump" or "rosy" to make it sound a little softer. But like I said, this is a personal preferance.
I really enjoyed your writing :)

Wildspark says...

Thanks, I decided to change that line.

All we can do is our best, and hope that it was enough.
— CandyWizard