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Indecisive Fate Prologue

by TheMadWriter


Indecisive Fate

Prologue, Chronicling the Events

June 14, 2014.

I have been tasked with writing down the events that have transpired in these extraordinary young people’s lives. Though I don’t know why he chose me to do this I will nonetheless write it down with the information that I have been privileged.

Many of those I interviewed simply either refused to talk about certain details or didn’t have enough time to talk to me. The information I have gathered however is sufficient…for now. It has been difficult as of late to resist the urge to look over my shoulder for anything that might be following me. I don’t know what I’m afraid of but I just know that I don’t want to meet whatever it is. I can hardly sleep at night knowing what I know. I have poured hours and hours and hours of work into my research and still I feel as there are holes in my knowledge. There is picture I am missing but not for long.

Hoping to get some sleep, Mattius.

Having written this down in his journal, the young boy picked up his notepad and pen and walked out of his apartment and down the hall way to the elevator. A few minutes later, he stepped out onto the flagstones of the center of the town. The town had an old, European look to it, as if you were back in the Renaissance. He walked down the busy streets, heading none of the shops advertisements or other such distractions.

He stood outside of the gigantic tower were on of his seven contacts resided. He could only hope that he would be there and stay there long enough to recount the tale that had transpired in the town.


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Sun Jul 25, 2021 8:39 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I have been tasked with writing down the events that have transpired in these extraordinary young people’s lives. Though I don’t know why he chose me to do this I will nonetheless write it down with the information that I have been privileged.


Alright, well that's an interesting way to frame this prologue here, it looks like we've got someone here writing down the story of what is to unfold in the chapters to come. Its not the first time I've run into this particular strategy but it does never fail to add an extra level of excitement to a story.

Many of those I interviewed simply either refused to talk about certain details or didn’t have enough time to talk to me. The information I have gathered however is sufficient…for now. It has been difficult as of late to resist the urge to look over my shoulder for anything that might be following me. I don’t know what I’m afraid of but I just know that I don’t want to meet whatever it is. I can hardly sleep at night knowing what I know. I have poured hours and hours and hours of work into my research and still I feel as there are holes in my knowledge. There is picture I am missing but not for long.


Hoping to get some sleep, Mattius.

Having written this down in his journal, the young boy picked up his notepad and pen and walked out of his apartment and down the hall way to the elevator. A few minutes later, he stepped out onto the flagstones of the center of the town. The town had an old, European look to it, as if you were back in the Renaissance. He walked down the busy streets, heading none of the shops advertisements or other such distractions.


Well, that adds an extra dimension of mystery to there, to see that whatever this very dangerous and sensitive sounding research could be, its all being done by a young boy or at least, its a young boy writing on behalf of someone else, which doesn't seem like the likely situation. All in all, this prologue continues to be very intriguing here.

He stood outside of the gigantic tower were on of his seven contacts resided. He could only hope that he would be there and stay there long enough to recount the tale that had transpired in the town.


Well it looks like this person is about to make a move towards whoever is going to give him some more information and they're moving towards it with the hope that their contact will make it...well, a neat little ending there to that prologue...all in all, this was a pretty solid prologue, and it seems like a story that I would read here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:07 pm
Cressida wrote a review...



Hi there! Lucrezia here to review.

Sorry I'm so late with this, first off. Second, this is a really intriguing prologue. As the others noted, it is short, which I liked because you kept it to the point and didn't get lost in it. Prologues that drag on can be annoying.

I really found nothing wrong with it. The spelling, grammar, punctuation all looked good. My one critique would be to put the first part---which the boy is writing in his journal---in italics. But that's kind of for stylistic purposes, so really it's up to you.

Other than that, nice work! I can't wait to read the first chapter... :D




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Sun Nov 24, 2013 1:03 am
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...



Hey! Here for the review! I really hope you find this helpful.

Okay, so first I must start off that I am a major fan of prologues, especially short ones. Most of the time the traps writers fall into, as I am told, it called name dropping where they just list all this really cool sounding stuff to entice the reader into learning more about the story and answering some questions. I'm so happy you didn't do that! I love the fact that you made this kind of like a journal so that the reader may get to know the main character better. It's also awesome how you managed to make mystery with no name dropping!

When you say "these young people" it's kind of like you're pointing at someone and trying to show them to a blind person. I don't really know who these young people are and why they're so special. I don't really know how else to explain it. I want to see this world you are creating, but I can't because the prologue is so vague. I realize you probably want to make this seem a little rushed so that the narrator's nervousness comes off to the reader, but I feel you should add just a little more so that the reader isn't too confused.

Other than that great job! It was short so I couldn't really help out much more, but I look forward to reading the first chapter!

Sushi :D




TheMadWriter says...


I have modified it so it works with the first chapter so READ IT AGAIN!





Yay! Now it's making my blood rush further XD Awesome job.



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Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:07 am
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hi there, TheMadWriter! I'm here to review for The Epic Ice Cream Warriors of Pluto on this fine review day… :)

I will review as I read so that it makes a lot more sense to both me and you - I tend to get a little muddled up otherwise.

Here goes!

1. I love prologues. I love seeing prologues. I think they add so much more to a story!

2. "I will nonetheless write it down with the information that I have been privileged." - I think that this should be - 'the information that I have been privileged with'

3. A very interesting start! I kinda like that you've given us next to no information what so ever about what could be happening here. A little touch of mystery is good! I think you could connect us with this character a little more though - you could had some heartbreak or emotion in there so that we immediately feel for them.

4. There is not one comma in this entire piece! You NEED them. Read your prologue out loud to yourself and you should be able to hear where the natural pauses should fall.

Good luck! I hope to see more of this posted soon.

Olive <3




TheMadWriter says...


Read. This. Again.
I have modified it so it fits the first chapter.



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Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:00 am
KittyCatMeow wrote a review...



Hello, MadWriter! XD I'm here to review your prologue!

I'm not very good at novels, although I can have a shot at it! Give me the best of luck!

June 14, 2014.


I like how you put this in future tense, to inform the readers that it hasn't happened in the past, and more rather in the future. That's the reason why it's not in any history books. Good so far!

Firstly, I believe that you need hidden clues, not really giving the first chapter away as it is a prologue. If you do that, it gives a better suspense inside the readers rather than just throwing out more information. This definitely has more space to say more, so yeah, even as a suggestion, it would help.

The information I have gathered however is sufficient…for now.


Why is it sufficient for now? That confuses me. Even so, maybe it is to add less words to keep the little prologue shorter than it needs to be...

There is picture I am missing but not for long.


Here's another why.

Why is the picture missing not going to be missing for long? It doesn't need to give away the entire thing but tell how or why. That is recommended.

...sleep, Mattius *******


I don't think the asterisk are necessary. I mean, why are they even there?

To conclude, this is a great prologue with just some more hidden potential in it. If you put some more effort into it, that would've probably really improved the beginning of "Indecisive Fate".

Keep writing! :)

~Kitty




TheMadWriter says...


YEEEAHhh...I put no thought into this. At all...forgive me...

The asterisk are there to place hold the last name but I guess it could be removed.
As for the 'picture that I'm missing but not for long' and '...sufficient...for now' just means that he is going to meet up with others who are connected to the event. Got it?



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Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:08 pm
Cheetah wrote a review...



Heya, Cheetah here to review your prologue.

Interesting. This was a short prologue, which is okay. Prologues are often short. The thing is, though, there's not much to go on here. It would be nice to have at least SOME insight onto what's going on. Right now I know there's someone named Mattius, he interviews people, and he does research. Sorry, but personally I would like more information.

This has a lot of potential, and I'm sure it'll be great once it's done! I'm also curious as to who he is. :)





Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
— James R. Cook