Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Back when I was in elementary, I used to get teased a lot because of my hair which was too long and frizzy. It took up almost all of my face and you couldn't even see my eyes. It was horrible really. I didn't have any friends back then, although there were some who tried to stick by me because my mother was a model and my dad was a photographer. Still, I didn't have anyone who liked me for who I was.
In middle school, I started getting into fashion and cosmetics. My mother was ecstatic and she brought me to the salon she usually goes to. She got my hair treated every week and did my hair whenever she could. She also started buying me fancy clothes.
Alright, that is a tiny bit confusing there to be starting off with, one on hand, it looks like this is someone that's looked down upon for their looks which is definitely not a very nice situation at all, but then also it looks like some people are also sucking up to this person because of the parents...which is another interesting thing...it looks almost like a couple of cliches rolled into one there..and then the path that the mother puts this person on...is a very interesting choice here. I do wonder where this is headed.
In my second year of middle school, I started gaining some friends and became quite friendly albeit a bit shy sometimes. I pulled through though, which is good. I made two best friends, their names were Carey Vonharten and Veronique Loue. At the end of our second year in middle school, we promised to go to the same high school and still be best friends. However, fate wasn't too nice to me. I had to move to London for two years because of my mother's modelling job and my dad's photography career. It sucks really. Just when I started making friends and started feeling comfortable, I had to move.
Okay, so that then went off in a completely different direction and I've no idea how it connects to the earlier paragraph. That was a bit of a confusing transition cause it looks like this girl simply gains some confidence and therefore starts to make a couple of friends through that...but then there is also the whole salon and fancy clothes which doesn't seem to contribute, but it seems like that should've done something...and its all a touch confusing there. On the other hand, this moving away makes things interesting there.
After a tearful goodbye party hosted by Carey and Veronique, it was finally time for me to go. Ahh, how I would miss this place. I wonder if things would be different in England.
"Come on Tully, we have to go!" My mother called from the cab, motioning me to hurry up. Taking one last look at the place I call home, I smiled and ran to the cab, "Yeah, coming!"
At that moment when the cab drove off to the airport, I never really knew that moving to England would change my life so much.
So...the way that time seems to work there is just a tiny bit confusing cause I can't really tell what that is trying to focus on there, on one hand, we have this party, which seems like a sad event just kind of glossed over in a couple of lines....then there's a scene that feels like it all of a sudden becomes present tense with the scene slowing all the way down to a single line spoken by this person's mother and then all of a sudden its all big picture once more and we close on a rather dramatic final line...all in all, a bit of a confusing pace being set here...I feel like this one needs a tiny bit of a rewrite...but still...as a prologue I'd say its relatively effective and it does seem something I would read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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