Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

E - Everyone

One Last Chance

by niteowl

The dreadful bells will toll this afternoon,
as my love gives away her golden name
for a man who will betray her too soon.

She was once smarter, so it's a shame
that she had to fall for his charming eyes.
By his side her once-wild heart is now tame,

so now I run to make her realize
that l still need her and it's not too late
to leave the one who will cause her demise.

As I get closer, the cruelty of fate
steps in and I never did see the car
that stopped me from saving my perfect mate.

I die in peace, for my love is not far.
In heaven she will be the brightest star.

A/N: This is an experiment in the Terza Rima form. More info here.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 495
Reviews: 6

Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:26 pm
kazza says...

JUST BEAUTIFUL - sad but true I am impressed how you have explained the love, the use of simile and metaophors - the adjectives, very well done, impressed indeed! ~ Kazza

User avatar
146 Reviews

Points: 17572
Reviews: 146

Sun Aug 11, 2013 2:35 am
View Likes
MooCowPoop wrote a review...

That was good. The speaker sounds like a woeful man who is distraught because the love of his life is making a wrong decision, according to him. The feelings he describes are compelling, and at the end the reader can really understand how just how much this guy (or girl) cared for this girl.

The last line in the second stanza confused me: By his side her once-wild heart is now tame.
Does this mean that now that she is with the other guy, she can rest and not think about having relationships with other people? Is her "settling down" considered a bad thing to the speaker of the poem? If so, why is that?

The last stanza was a little confusing too. It seems like the speaker is happy that he is dead and now carefree about saving the girl he likes from that man. I thought that he would have shown a little more anger and guilt for letting himself be killed and not getting to her in time. But the reason he is feeling this way could also be that he knew that she was going to die had he not saved her, yet now he doesn't have to save her because he knows that they will be together in heaven once she dies so she'd automatically be saved. But if he knew that, why didn't he just kill himself I'm the first place?

I don't know much about poems but other than that, it was good. I could never write a poem as good as this one. Thanks for sharing!

User avatar
110 Reviews

Points: 6441
Reviews: 110

Sat Aug 10, 2013 11:40 pm
View Likes
Gardevite wrote a review...

Hello niteowl :),

I just thought I'd write something quick because I really liked your poem.

At first, I thought that the speaker was maybe her father, but then I realised it wasn't and, after rereading it, it seemed almost more beautiful.

Your rhyming scheme was lovely, and usually a nice, rhythmic rhyming scheme would be found in a more happy poem, but it fit nicely into this poem.

Also may I just say how much I loved the rhyming couplet at the end. Simply beautiful.

We'll done on this niteowl :)

— soundofmind