Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Captain's log: Date of 213 in Flower Bloom. I, Captain Blux Spake, note that a the race we call the humans have landed on Cruxian. I have sent down a crew to observe these strange aliens. So far, my crew has not been heard from. The leader of my race, Honorable Krux Lanve, King and General of the Guraz, has warned me to not interfere with these humans. I am denying his request, for that I fear that the humans are growing too strong and that the may one day take our homeworld. I will land my vessel with my crew in the molten center of the earth and wait till the humans are at their weakest. Then I will kill each and every one of those vermin. Till that day, me and my crew will wait, like a snake waiting for its next meal.

You are going to continue right? Sorry I must ask that since it seems as if this will make a good story. Admittedly I typically do not like Science Fiction, and I never really have but the beginning of this intrigues me. Like another person mentioned below I like the voice you used for the captain. You took on his point of view even calling humans vermin which I can applaud you for, not that I think we really are vermin. I wish you luck n this story and would love to read more.

Honestly I cannot find any problems with this at the moment unless of course you are not planning on continuing, in which case there is a HUGE problem. Taunting us with a prologue just isn't fair.

Actually I take my original words back I can spot one error, or awkwardly phrased sentence towards the end that says the following:

"I am denying the request, for that I fear that the humans are growing too strong and that the may one day take our homeworld."

Okay I would have phrased this as, "I am denying the request because I fear that the humans are growing too strong and may one day conquer our home world." You could of course still use the word "take" but you have an excess of words in the sentence that ruins the flow.

Other than this sentence and the shortness I found this to be a rather nice, if small, piece of work. I honestly look forward to reading more.

Hey Legend!

I love science fiction, so obviously I was drawn to this piece.

Now, this work does have a lot of issues though. Namely, it's very small and filled with expositions.

What I would have you do is expand on the piece, a lot. You can add more backstory to these guys we are following, and expand on their contact and experience with the humans. This would remove the need for all this exposition, which kills any way of proper storytelling.

Ok then, what do I like?
Well, I really like your main character. Some stubborn, hotheaded guy who is in command of a spacecraft and it's crew.

What I would do is tweak the story you have got here, into this starship Captain of an alien race's first contact with the humans in space. Maybe they happen upon a human exploration vessel in space and the stubborn Captain decides to follow this vessel to where it came from.

And add in some dialogue. Dialogue is a hard thing to master, it would be interesting to see how you do.

Think it over on how you wish to continue this, and you could have an interesting story.

Birkhoff

It's very good! I like the formality of it, and how you capture the character's 'voice' in the paragraph. I'd love to hear more of it too!

Just a few words of advice: Maybe explain more about this planet/world Cruxian. It's a great idea! But I'd like to know more about it, and I think I can say the same for many other people. Also, what are the natives of Cruxian?

Overall, it is a lovely piece and I reckon you should keep going!! I'd love to know what Captain Blux Spake will do with these humans too Good luck!!!