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Misake, Prologue

by KLovelace


Blank and milky eyes gazed around the cluttered tower room, yet saw nothing. Cracked lips mouthed words and in front of the old man, a quill marked them down on equally cracked parchment. The room was beautiful, it was a shame the old man couldn’t see any of it. Books lined the walls and windows gave view to a beautiful world outside. The man was busy, however, and wouldn’t have time for the beauty even if he could see it.

A prophecy was being spoken in an old tongue long forgotten. In the realm of Kaiserin, prophecies were taken with complete seriousness. There was nothing more important than a prophecy, because nothing could stop them from coming true. This prophecy was even more important, because it spoke about the prince Celyn.

Prince Celyn, the heir to the throne, was well liked within Silevon. The people adored his kindness and bravery, for that was all they saw. Within that exterior though, there were flaws. Celyn was a man of fiery passion; he was always eager to fight battles not his own just for the sake of the cause, and he always chased after things that were never of real importance. Celyn’s bravery and passion led to a problem of overconfidence when it came to things he cared deeply about. This prophecy seemingly exploited this.

The old man spoke of a girl who had been alone her entire life. A girl who was going to rescue Celyn from his own faults, and rescue him as well from one of the three dark princes in the realm of Minasdess. After that, the prophecy spoke of the same girl destroying the other two princes and collecting three objects that would ultimately be used to destroy the dark king, Medinor. The girl and the prince would then return to Kaiserin and eventually back to the city of Silevon, where the girl would find what she was looking for the entire time.

The prophecy spoke of love and adventure and fate. A girl who had never been happy before was going to be happy for the first time with the prince of Kaiserin, in the quest to free the dark realm of Minasdess from the power of the king and princes. A girl who’s name was Misake.


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Sun Aug 01, 2021 4:50 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay...well, this was a pretty interesting prologue to read here. I did actually enjoy this one quite a bit...it has most of the essentials that you want from a prologue, but I will say it does have a bit of room for improvement. More on all of that down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Blank and milky eyes gazed around the cluttered tower room, yet saw nothing. Cracked lips mouthed words and in front of the old man, a quill marked them down on equally cracked parchment. The room was beautiful, it was a shame the old man couldn’t see any of it. Books lined the walls and windows gave view to a beautiful world outside. The man was busy, however, and wouldn’t have time for the beauty even if he could see it.


Okay, you don't see too many prologues starting with a relatively relaxed description like this one has here...so, well it certainly is a pretty interesting choice there. The description does come across quite nicely though..you get a very nice sense of the surroundings that we are in and who is in said surroundings.

A prophecy was being spoken in an old tongue long forgotten. In the realm of Kaiserin, prophecies were taken with complete seriousness. There was nothing more important than a prophecy, because nothing could stop them from coming true. This prophecy was even more important, because it spoke about the prince Celyn.


Alright, well, I've run into more than my fair share of prophecies, so well, we all definitely know they are quite important, and to see that we have one of those primed and ready here right at the very start of things is a pretty interesting detail here. It definitely lets you know that some interesting stuff is about to go down here.

Prince Celyn, the heir to the throne, was well liked within Silevon. The people adored his kindness and bravery, for that was all they saw. Within that exterior though, there were flaws. Celyn was a man of fiery passion; he was always eager to fight battles not his own just for the sake of the cause, and he always chased after things that were never of real importance. Celyn’s bravery and passion led to a problem of overconfidence when it came to things he cared deeply about. This prophecy seemingly exploited this.


Well, it looks like a pretty good character there, definitely a nice balance there, to see that it is someone that is considered to be good, but also clearly has some pretty noticeable flaws that are acknowledged as well. The fact that the prophecy appears to also be preying on said flaws to cause whatever trouble that it is going to cause is a lovely little touch there...and definitely makes room for a much more interesting narrative that way.

The old man spoke of a girl who had been alone her entire life. A girl who was going to rescue Celyn from his own faults, and rescue him as well from one of the three dark princes in the realm of Minasdess. After that, the prophecy spoke of the same girl destroying the other two princes and collecting three objects that would ultimately be used to destroy the dark king, Medinor. The girl and the prince would then return to Kaiserin and eventually back to the city of Silevon, where the girl would find what she was looking for the entire time.


Okay, well, that is definitely a bit confusing, which is perfect, cause prophecies do be like that...most of the time..so, this is a pretty fun one here. It does look like this girl is going to end up being our main character here...and is going to end up doing quite a lot...this almost reads like a bit of a plot summary as well in addition to being a story which means you do know kind of what you're getting into, which is fun in a prologue.

The prophecy spoke of love and adventure and fate. A girl who had never been happy before was going to be happy for the first time with the prince of Kaiserin, in the quest to free the dark realm of Minasdess from the power of the king and princes. A girl who’s name was Misake.


Right, well, that covers the earlier question I had, if the title has anything to say about things, this girl is certainly going to be the main protagonist here...aaand, well, that should be quite interesting. Its a very dramatic sounding ending there, although I do have to say that part sounds less like a prologue and more like the blurb for this story here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, we have ourselves a realatively solid prologue, but I believe keeping this prologue a bit more focused on the prophecy and making things just a tiny bit more vague here would be a good idea. As it stands this is a little too much information in the sense that it comes off sounding like a blurb...and you may want to look into that a bit. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:18 am
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hello there! Here to review your work for review day! :) I will review as I read to make it have more sense for me and you. I tend to ramble on otherwise. Here goes!

Well it has already caught my attention which is always a good start! I'm always into the idea of prophecies.

Oh and I like that you haven't made this Prince into the most perfect specimen on Earth. I like that he has a few arrogance issues.

I'm getting a bit distracted with trying to pronounce some of your names of places and people. Maybe that is something for you to think about - you want it to flow a little better so that the reader isn't stumbling over your terminology and losing interest.

I think you could have maybe left some parts of the prophecy out? I feel as though I already know what this Misake is going to do to save the land. My favourite author quote from Stephen King is, "Good books don't give up all their secrets all at once."

Good luck! I hope I helped a little and I look forward to reading some more.

HAPPY REVIEW DAY!

Olive <3




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Sun Jul 14, 2013 4:42 pm
IHI wrote a review...



Hello KLovelace! Merry Christmas! Ho-Ho-Ho! ; )
Anyways, i've never reviewed a story before (that I can remember) i've only done poetry, so please forgive me if it's not helpful or it's just annoying. : )

Well I liked it a lot and I might start following you so I can read this whole story but there are a few things that could be clarified or "fixed". One thing is, as a reader I think having the names of places and people being easier to read/remember would help grab the attention of the possible followers of this story. Also I think that you might have gave away to much information in the prologue that would have made the story more exciting later on.

Now I have some suggestions that might make people who are just looking for something to review/read and see your story to more likely stop and review/read it (if that makes any sense). #1 : Make an eye grabbing description like making a few words all caps or try seeing if you can write it in a different font then the rest of the descriptions or maybe make the font a different color. #2 : Make the prologue more eye appealing, like make the words into a picture or capitalize every first letter in every word, that kind thing, you know make it like just READING or LOOKING at it is fun.
WARNING: DO NOT MAKE THE WHOLE INTIRE STORY INTO A PICTURE, IT CAN ONLY BE PULLED OFF IF DONE WITH THE PROLOGUE OR DONE EVERY NOW AND THEN LIKE AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY CHAPTER, otherwise if every page is a picture it just gets repetitive and you will LOSE people who WHERE reading it (maybe).

Sorry for making it so long and I hope it helped. Also you don't have to change this story because of anybody's reviews, unless YOU want to, just make sure you keep them in mind when you write your next story or whatever you write next.

Sincerely,
IHI




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Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:58 pm
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TheClosetKidnapper wrote a review...



Hi, KLovelace!

I started reading the first half of part one for this, realized there was a prologue, and stopped a moment to glance over it. When I saw it only had one review, I thought I'd help you out and drop one in here, too.

This is great. Truly. It reminds me of something I wrote years back but never got around to editing enough for any real benefit but my own; but this is ten times better. You have a wonderful idea that, while it isn't completely original--I follow the thinking of Foster (How to Read Literature Like a Professor) when he claims that no piece of literature is one hundred percent original, as the author draws from several sources for inspiration and that the human mind is incapable of creating something no one has thought of or done before--, is intriguing and different enough to have such a high potential.

You do make a few grammatical/phrasing errors, but nothing more than nitpicks that can be weeded out through a quick once-over; and other than that your writing is nearly eloquent.

The only thing I have to say about this prologue is that you almost outline the whole plot here. In the prophecy, you lay out all that is to come for Misake and Celyn, even if vaguely. While there are still missing pieces, which is what prophecies are supposed to have, you leave very little for suspense. Perhaps you should keep a few more details hidden, or rephrase the prophecy so that it still keeps its beautiful flow but shows just enough to peak the interest of the reader rather than enough for them to know all.

I hope this helps, and I'll be looking forward to reading more from you. Keep writing!
~ Rocky




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Wed Jul 03, 2013 12:39 am
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Sarrasponda wrote a review...



Hello KLovelace! I loved your poem so I thought I'd like your prologue, and I was right :D
You've got a really interesting idea going on here, pure fantasy (which I am a fan of). Prophecies and all that :P

So, your first paragraph deserves to be praised:
'Blank and milky eyes gazed around the cluttered tower room, yet saw nothing. Cracked lips mouthed words and in front of the old man, a quill marked them down on equally cracked parchment. The room was beautiful, it was a shame the old man couldn’t see any of it. Books lined the walls and windows gave view to a beautiful world outside. The man was busy, however, and wouldn’t have time for the beauty even if he could see it.'

I love how you word things; it makes the story flow so nicely. in the last sentence between the 'have' and 'time', a minor detail really, I believe you should add a 'had'. Other than that, amazing first paragraph.

Your next paragraph confused me a bit: 'A prophecy was being spoken in an old tongue long forgotten.' so who was speaking the prophecy? Was it the old man? I think this information should be included, the speaker of the prophecy. Was the man writing down what he or someone else was saying?

Another sentence in your next paragraph also confused me: 'he was always eager to fight battles not his own just for the sake of the cause,' - so what's this cause? Why does he fight for its sake?

I can't find anything else to nitpick for you. Over all this was really excellent so great work. It really gives background for the reader on your story in a neat concise way that doesn't make it sound like you're just dumping the setting on them.

Happy writing ;)





The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price