Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

How can I feel so alive while everyone else is sleeping? Our bodies are like machines—programmed to wake with the sun and sleep with the moon. But somehow the clock inside me is reversed and the moon becomes my sun.

I just sat there in my dark room staring up at the ceiling trying to find a way to fall asleep, but all I ended up doing was watching to time change on my clock. Every night I was so unexplainably restless. How romantic would it have been if I was some talented artist or poet—suffering through the day to come alive with creative energy from the moonlight?

But I was a cursedly horrible artist and writer even at three o’clock in the morning. I’ve tried it. Still, I have this aching feeling inside me that I’m supposed to be doing something other than watching the minutes fly by.

I could always take the boring logical route and say I have insomnia or some other sleep disorder, but I know I don’t.

I’m not tired right now; my body doesn’t crave sleep like it should. There’s so many things I should be doing…I should be sleeping…I should be studying for school…And according to my mom, I should be listening to her.

But I can’t, for what is there to do when you live in the middle of nowhere with your mind in a galaxy far away from everyone else’s. What do you do when there is nothing to do?

You run away.

Ok. I didn't find any grammatical mistakes in your work. However, I did notice the abundance of "filler" words littered throughout. An example of this:
"I just sat there in my dark room staring up at the ceiling trying to find a way to fall asleep, but all I ended up doing was watching to time change on my clock."
I sat in my dark room staring at the ceiling trying to fall asleep, but all I did was watch time change on my clock.
See what I mean? Write with purpose. Fill the pages with meaningful words.

Something else, ellipses can be useful. Here however, I think you could do fine without. End the thoughts with a period, or combine them with a comma.

"I’m not tired right now; my body doesn’t crave sleep like it should."
The ; here isn't necessary. A comma will do.

Your use of imagery here is great. I found nothing lacking in that department. Keep working with it, and keep writing.
~Kay

Ohh, I really liked this!

I like how you told us about how our bodies are programmed, it showed us a hint to the next sentence, that I liked.

And, when you go "...I should be sleeping...I should be studying for school...And according to my mom..."

I liked that too!

I can't find anything wrong with it on my part.

I love how you simply made it not one of those "The Moon is the creative energy." This screams creativity in your writing. Its unique and I would simply love more!

Keep me posted! I will see if I can find anything wrong with it, but at the moment I can't!

Thanks,
pegasusgirl2

Hi there!

Okay, for a first post I have to say this is really good. I like you're writing style. You kept me interested the whole time despite the fact that this is just describing someone's feelings. This is the kind of stuff I usually skip over when I read novels. But you did a good job making this interesting.I hope this is the start of something great!

So now I'm going to focus on some ways that you can make this better.

How can I feel so alive when everyone else is sleeping?

I just sat there in my dark room staring up at the ceiling trying to find a way to fall asleep, but all I ended up doing was watching to time change on my clock.

Every night I was so unexplainably restless.

There’s so many things I should be doing…I should be sleeping…I should be studying for school…And according to my mom, I should be listening to her.