Young Writers Society

Hey there.
This poem caught my eye because I also happen to love Sylvia Plath.

I definitely think that this is a good poem. Lots of imagery, a good rhyme scheme, I liked a lot of the words you chose, good punctuation.

But I'm a little confused as to what the "A Broken VIllanelle" is supposed to mean. Is that part of the title? Or is it the first line? And if so, why is it bolded?

I'm also not so sure about your use of a repitition of 'I always go for the girl with no head.'
It does't so much for the flow, actually it somewhat takes the flow to a crashing halt every time it appears.
As for it's meaning, is it figurative? Because Sylvia Plath does very much have a head, she just stuck it in the oven is all.

Beliefs are feelings impossible to recant.

Also, for this line, the idea that beliefs are impossible to recant is definitely not always true.
You might want to rework it so it's a bit more universal.

That all being said, I did very much enjoy this poem. Hope my revisions helped.

A Villanelle is a type of poem, FrayedJane. What happens in these kinds of poems is that every line of the first stanza is to be repeated down through the poem, in order of where they're placed. This short explanation may help you: Villanelle. This is a broken Villanelle because Bolshevik has chosen not to repeat the second line "As I was walking down the primrose path."

It's a fairly epic decision, really, because a Villanelle is already a difficult medium to make work, to break it is both easier and harder. You have to force the form to adapt to both suggestions. You're doing this fairly well, Bolshevik. It's running fairly smoothly - although I find myself trailing through the poem rather than being thrust through the lines. Instead of propelling us from line to line, you're dropping them down so we read more slowly. I'm not sure if that's what you want, or if it's really working for your poem. It's weighing it down - the subject matter suggests that some heft is good, but you don't want your reader dragging along with the poem, they should lift it as they read.

I enjoy the implications of your lines, but I think they're not... revolutionary enough for the form. Most of this I find is an issue with your rhymes. They're not quite pulling their weight. They move the poem somewhat (poorly) but when we hit "head" it stops completely and we have to start again. The repeated lines, as well, should say something new. I know their the same lines, but they should be giving us something new rather than the same sentiment.

I'd keep experimenting with these forms though, I like the base you have. Let me know if you change this at all!

Thank you both, and yah, the rhymes are kind of arkward, but so was she (and so am I) that's the idea...

I loved this! I thought it was really well put together and I liked the rhymes and there was nice imagrey. I think it flowed nicely and I just really enjoyed it. Well done! Keep writing!

This will be a semi-short review because I am about to go to work. I will start out by saying this was a very interesting piece. Before reading this I had never heard of Sylvia Plath, which then compelled me to look her up. --Interesting woman--

While reading through the poem I found it confusing, causing me to have to re-read it a few times before understanding what you were saying. (I don't know if this was intentional or not) Maybe you could go back through the poem and see if you could tweak a few lines to try and make it read smoother. Other then that, you have a nice poem here.

That is just my suggestion, feel free to take it or leave it.

Don't stop writing,
Dezzy