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Bye.



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13 Reviews



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Points: 1938
Reviews: 13
Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:40 am
SilverSharpie says...



Blue as
the navy shadows
chasing your disappearing
figure and leaving me
in the grips of
what can only be
called...

Gray as
the clouds above me
disobliging,
pressing like blood
in veins
I feel no
cleansing rain,
only impending;

Red as
regret
as the hate
laced with love chasing
my sorrow and
tinting the world
with too much
passion of...

Black as
the words I cry
alone in my head
with too many thoughts
and questions
and old wounds
for me to-

Dead as
us.

**done with Prompt of the Week starter**
Know what I would love? A review!
topic64587.html
  





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49 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5741
Reviews: 49
Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:52 am
Glimmerglass says...



Wow. This is a fascinating piece, particularly because of its movement. I like how the stanzas flow together easily, and how you used symbols like ..., - , and ; to end each stanza. The color imagery is quite vivid, as well.

The last two lines are a great way to end the even poem. Their arresting abruptness catch the reader's attention and hold it. The phrasing is powerful:
SilverSharpie wrote:Dead as
us.


Excellent job!

--Glim
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
~Winnie the Pooh
  





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52 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8413
Reviews: 52
Tue Jun 01, 2010 4:55 am
eab10 says...



I really liked this poem. It was very emotional, like the narrator has some deep anger inside and is letting it out very calmly. That's epic. Just as Glim mentioned, I really liked the very last line. It adds onto the anger the narrator seems to have.
Personally, I liked your use of the colors. Colors just fascinate me, and I think that is what drew me into the poem. I have no issues with it. Well, it is very well-written, and I really loved reading it! Good job! Keep writing!

-Emily
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22
  





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556 Reviews



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Reviews: 556
Tue Jun 01, 2010 4:17 pm
ziggiefred says...



Hello there
This was a great poem and I quite enjoyed it. It was deep and the level of emotion was just right. I also like how you ended it.

Black as
the words I cry
alone in my head
with too many thoughts
and questions
and old wounds
for me to-

Dead as
us.

This was my favourite stanza...the ending, like I said before. And the best part about the poem is your use of colour, I liked that. Good job hey.
The best is what you make it!

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13 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1938
Reviews: 13
Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:16 pm
SilverSharpie says...



I'm glad you all liked it! I don't really write poems so much so I'm excited that people enjoyed reading it.
Know what I would love? A review!
topic64587.html
  





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522 Reviews



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Reviews: 522
Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:24 pm
canislupis says...



Hi again!

I think I like this one even better than the other one!

I especially love the ending. :)

Lol, I don't have anything at all to say! I really liked the emotion behind the words.

XD I'm not used to not having anything to criticize!

See you around!

Lupis
  








Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
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