Title By_____________Start Poem
Every morning I wake up wishing you were thereEvery night I go to bed saying the same old prayer. Perfect rhyming and rhythm.Your love means everything to me; without it I am goneI felt like an ugly duckling and you were my beautiful swan. The second line of this stanza is a bit too long. It destroys the rhythm or maybe I'm reading it the wrong way, I don't know.We used to eat together, sleep together whatever happened?I thought that you were my dream and more than just a friend. I never thought this day would come but now it’s time It’s like repeating an old and tiring nursery rhyme. I like the concept in this stanza but the rhythm is slightly lost.It’s not the same without your tender loving careI can’t help thinking though “Were you unaware?”
Suzanne wrote:Don’t tell us how you feel, NO, don’t even show us how you feel. Make us feel it. Emotional poetry often times turn into, to steal Snoink’s word, a shopping list. You list the things that happened, followed by a few lines of boo-hoo’s, and call it a day. This isn’t good enough. Put us in your seat, and yes do tell us why we are feeling this way, but make sure we feel it. You want to make us cry/scream/laugh/freak out, what ever you are feeling you want the reader to feel. This is just as close to ‘show, don’t tell’ as poetry will ever get, because telling is the most boring thing in the world. Showing is one step up, and from there is feeling.
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