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LMS V: exorcism of a love that never was



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Thu Sep 26, 2019 3:03 pm
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niteowl says...



Perhaps it's unhealthy to dwell on the past, to exhume feelings that should be long gone by now, but I find myself dwelling anyway, so let's make a project of it.

work/niteowl/On-Cigarettes-and-Limerence-142109-a prologue of sorts as I plan to dive into the nitty-gritty of this non-romance.

Poems may be 18+ for language and sexual content. Some will also address mental illness. I will post relevant warnings on each entry.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Fri Sep 27, 2019 4:57 pm
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niteowl says...



Playlist Songs that make me think of this person/situation (in progress)(also yes I have a slight Taylor Swift problem lol)

Katy Perry "Never Really Over"
Katy Perry "The One that Got Away"
Taylor Swift "Red"
Taylor Swift "Fearless"
Taylor Swift "Stay Beautiful"
Taylor Swift "Invisible"
Taylor Swift "Hey Stephen"
Taylor Swift "White Horse"
Taylor Swift "Cold As You"
Taylor Swift "Sparks Fly"
Taylor Swift "Enchanted"
Taylor Swift "Last Kiss"
Taylor Swift "Long Live"
Taylor Swift "Holy Ground"
Taylor Swift "All Too Well"
Taylor Swift "I Almost Do"
Taylor Swift "The Story of Us"
Taylor Swift "All You Had to Do Was Stay"
Taylor Swift "Blank Space"
Taylor Swift "I Wish You Would"
Taylor Swift "Clean"
Taylor Swift "Jump That Fall"
Taylor Swift "Come In With the Rain"
Missy Higgins "Where I Stood"
Michelle Branch "Where Are You Now"
Michelle Branch "Find Your Way Back"
Michelle Branch "Sooner or Later"
Michelle Branch "Everywhere"
Michelle Branch "Heartbreak Now"
Paramore-"Tell Me How"
Yolanda Be Cool and DCUP-We No Speak Americano
Edward Maya and Vika Juliana-Stereo Love
Shakira-Waka Waka
Melendi-Loco
Melendi "Con Solo Una Sonrisa"
Melendi "Por Amarte Tanto"
Lady Gaga "Bad Romance"
Shakira "La Tortura"
Shakira "Dia Especial"
Shakira "Lo Imprescindible"
Jade Bird "Good Woman"
Maggie Rogers "Light On"
Maggie Rogers "Overnight"
Dido "White Flag"
Lady Gaga "Perfect Illusion"
Ria Mae "Not Your Type"
Brandi Carlisle "Every Time I Hear That Song"
Metric "Now or Never"
Julieta Venegas-Limon y Sal
Lorde "Green Light"
Lorde "The Louvre"
Lorde "Liability"
Lorde "Writer in the Dark"
Lorde "Supercut"
Serena Ryder "Weak in the Knees"
Kesha "Your Love is My Drug"
R.E.M. "Losing My Religion"
Fall Out Boy "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me"
Fall Out Boy "7 Minutes in Heaven"
Fall Out Boy "Dead on Arrival"
Fall Out Boy "The Pros and Cons of Breathing"
Passenger "The Wrong Direction"
Passenger "A Thousand Matches"
Passenger "The Way that I Need You"
Camila Cabello "All These Years"
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Fri Sep 27, 2019 5:11 pm
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niteowl says...



#1 the last "great love of my life"

i will never love again
the way i did that summer,
like a good girl tasting wine
and getting drunk for the first time.

the way i wandered foreign streets,
lost, confused, broken,
inhaling desire and exhaling heartbreak,
every step wishing i could forget you.

no one will ever linger
on my diary pages
for years and years,
a symbol of everything i lost.

one day, perhaps,
someone will love me
in a way you never could,
the kind of love that holds hands
and kisses in the daylight
and doesn't play games.

and i will want to love them back,
but now i fear my own heart
and i will try too hard to dim
my own intensity
because i can't be
too much
too loud
too crazy.

i can't love anyone the way i loved you,
and that should be a good thing,
but then why do i miss that aching desire?

Line count: 28
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:20 am
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niteowl says...



Okay so this is the poem I had in mind when I put that 18+ warning on this bad boy. So yeah. Enspoilered for language and mild sexual content.

the lunch special: envy with a side of lust

Spoiler! :

we're eating lunch in dublin
with the boyfriend girls
when you get up to use the restroom.

free of the extra testosterone,
they launch into talk
of lingerie shopping
and orgasms over skype.

and i should be glad
to be free in this foreign land,
unencumbered by love an ocean away,

but i can't help but want
to have something worth missing
even though i know better
than to think anyone would want me,
that you would want me.

when you return,
my face reddens as i notice
your arms, your eyes, your smile
and i am fucked
even though you will never touch me.


Lines: 20
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Mon Oct 14, 2019 1:25 am
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niteowl says...



the first walk home

here it starts: on a beach
with the people i now wish
i had never met
(whether that includes you or not,
i haven't decided)

here it starts: with hesitant sips
of don miguel and grocery store wine,
still not understanding
how people drink this stuff.

here it starts: a walk home,
you and me, up spanish hills.
i babble, you listen,
and though we've just met,
it feels natural, safe, familiar,
all the things i do not have here.

here it starts: not with ecstasy or tears
nor secrets nor unclothed truths,
just two people breaking new ground
as we walk home in the dark.

Lines: 19
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:41 pm
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niteowl says...



falling upstairs

the day i turned twenty,
i learned my dog died,
and still i tried to celebrate.

an open invitation
turned into circles of classmates
and i stood alone,
because who would make room for me?

several wines later,
you led me up the stairs
from downtown to my place
and i talked about my dog.

how many times did we walk those stairs?
what did i tell you on those dark spanish nights?

i don't remember,
but i know that on one of those steps,
a piece of my heart lies
right where i left it for you.

Lines: 17
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 2:47 am
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niteowl says...



lost, like my religion

the first time i got lost,
one wrong turn took me uphill,
my legs burning with every step.

i was gasping for air
and grasping at straws
trying to call someone, anyone,
but i was met with silence
(they only spoke to laugh at me).

when the bus found me,
there were no seats left,
so i was wedged in the back,
leaning on you.

i got lost many times after that,
armed with only a map and a mission
to see every corner of this city.
i stumbled upon roman ruins,
museums about caves,
and bands playing REM.

if i could go back,
i would spend less time
trying to please the people who broke me
and wishing i could be with you
and more time getting lost.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Mon Nov 04, 2019 3:44 am
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niteowl says...



Writing this on my phone to beat the LMS deadline so I’ll have to edit later.

gravity

I tried to love you in daylight once,
the day we went to the mountains
where there was snow in June.

I only wanted to orbit you,
but I had to stay past the asteroid belt
of people who only wanted to hurt me
(even after everything, I still hate them
In a way I could never hate you).

I left a seat open for you on the bus,
silently begging for you to take it,
but you didn’t.

In the village we ate lunch.
I dared to sit next to you
And try morcilla.
(You might taste better,
But I have no way of knowing).

On the way home,
I wished I could have stayed away
My heart frozen like a mountain, like an icy planet,
But instead I sat next to you
Because I love burning too much.

Lines: 21

(A/N: Morcilla is fried pig's blood. Spain has a weird obsession with ham and all parts of the pig. I tried it on a platter with other tapas. It...wasn't that bad, though I don't think I'd go out of my way to try it again.)
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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Mon Nov 11, 2019 3:24 am
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niteowl says...



it's over now...or is it?

these days, i've been too busy living.
who has time to mope
when there's karaoke to sing
and bar trivia to win?

maybe the ache is finally gone
for good.
maybe i'm done missing you
when there was nothing to miss
in the first place.

but i've thought that before,
haven't i?

nine years is an eternity,
but in the throes of madness,
it feels like yesterday.

if i could be sane,
you might have loved me back,
but my sanity is fleeting,
so i write about you instead.

Lines: 18
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”
— Dylan Thomas