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The Valen



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Sun Jun 17, 2018 7:52 am
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Carina says...



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The Valen: A coming-of-age dystopia with hints of sci-fi as the story progresses.



First, some background…
Spoiler! :
Fun fact: I’ve had the basis of this idea down since I was, like...in the 6th grade, but it was through a roleplay. So, yep, you can probably imagine how cringe the original story was when eleven-year-old me was writing it. Over the years, I combed through it to make it less cringe by renaming all the characters, giving them a reasonable plot, building a setting, and providing themes. Now, nearly ten years later (WOW this idea is a decade old and it’s been rottin’ in my brain all sad that it hasn’t come to life yet) with soooo many revisions, I finally decided to bring this idea to life -- and what better way to do that than with LMS?! I have a feeling that real life responsibilities are going to catch up to me fast, so I may fail at warrior status kinda-sorta right away, but I’m determined to at least keep going with a rogue status. So we’ll see how this goes. Thank you in advance for reading through my ideas and/or giving this a read. <3 It really does mean a lot to me, especially because this idea is so old that I’ve grown quite attached to it.

special thx to @TheBlueCat who first planted the idea of doing LMS in my brainz, then to @Omnom and @soundofmind for being so dang MOTIVATIONAL TYTYTY


Now, time to go to my summa-- NO, WAIT, not yet. I want to first give a disclaimer and list out what my goals are for this:
Spoiler! :
My goal isn’t necessarily to finish this project and make it the best story ever. Remember, this idea was born from a roleplay, which are heavily character-driven. So I want this story to also be the same; I want my characters to come to life, and I want my readers to enjoy the characters. I want my reader to wish they were friends with the characters and develop bonds with them as if they were there with them, all the while following a plot that may not necessarily lead to a happy ending. So in short, I want this story to be a journey, and I want my readers to read this as if they were reliving a tale from a long time ago (or, errr, the future since this is where it takes place lol), and at the end of the story, they go, “Wow... And that’s it.” Any critique to accomplish this goal would really help! I’m crazy rusty in writing, so my biggest fear right now is that I have too much planned that my characters come out bland and boring. Any suggestions, reviews, or comments to prevent this would be crazy appreciated. :’))


okokok, now without further ado --


xxXX A Sneak-Peak XXxx


“Okay, class, quiet down,” the teacher said. “You all did very well on test scores, so instead of going into the new lesson, we will watch a documentary instead.” The class stirred and ooh’ed, which the teacher immediately quieted down again, this time in excitement. “But this isn’t a normal documentary -- it’s real-life footage of a speech from the Valen-Human War we discussed. We will be going into the surface next week to tour the museum, so please enjoy and learn.” Buttons were pressed, and an ancient-looking screen whirled to life:

    “With CRISPR technology, we have eliminated genetic diseases and increased human potential, but why stop there? With gene enhancement technology, we can control the life around us. Cells, atoms, photons, and more -- we can manipulate our genetic makeup and hold some control over the laws of the universe. We can become the next level of humans. We can become... the valen.”

“Man, the irony!” Len cooed as a booming applause erupted on the screen. “Did it really start like that?
“Did you really not know that?” Mel asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, how did you pass your test?” Alistair said with a smirk.
“Hah. Good one,” Mel said back, high fiving Alistair.
“Ha ha, very funny,” Len muttered.
Alan stifled a laugh. “You guys are clowns.”
“Shhhh,” Evaline quieted. “It’s starting back up.”

The screen continued to glow in the dark room with a moving picture and an echoey voice from the past, and they continued to watch, unfazed and oblivious to the inevitable war that all of them will be a part of five years from now.


xxXX A Summary XXxx


The story takes place in the future at an undocumented amount of years after present-day, but it can be assumed to be centuries later. However, instead of humans roaming the Earth, it is the valen. The valen may look like humans, but the valen genetic makeup is far superior for one simple reason: they, bluntly speaking, have superpowers, which are called vale. Vales are mostly bound by science, and somehow a change in their DNA enables the valen to control some part of the world around them, whether it be by altering wavelengths, manipulating molecules, or more. Decades after the fall of the humans and rise of the valen, a peaceful world is created between the Seven Sectors, which were previously known as the seven continents with many countries. Following the lives of five friends growing up in the small underground Capital of Sector 3, they journey through adolescence and adulthood as they realize that the peaceful world around them is resembling more and more like a dystopia. Embarking on a long and adventurous journey of life as a valen, the five friends learn what it means to have freedom, forgive one another, hold faith, and live life to the fullest.



xxXX The Characters XXxx


Basic descriptions to get a feel of who they are:
Spoiler! :
Melakae [Mel]: [the MC whose perspective I will be writing in] brimming with optimism, worry wart, confident but doesn’t know what she wants in life, figuring herself out, loves to soak in the rays of the sun, dark complexion, laughs too loud, can stare at a painting for hours
(Note: Mel is not originally from Sector 3, which is why her name sounds foreign why she looks so different compared to everyone else there, who are typically pale with dark hair.)

Leonard [Len]: goofy, silly, lopsided smile, eyes always wide in excitement, carefree, too laid-back, daredevil, risky, natural leader, dances, crazy flexible, parkour, wears a shirt that says “will do a backflip for a hug”

Alistair: sarcastic, a bit cynical, acts tough, plays rough, a secret romantic, always late, messy uniform, sloppy hair, fidgets, easily bored, competitive, likes to take things apart then put it back together when bored in class

Alan: soft smile, friendly eyes, glasses, nose in book, always curious, always thinking, always looking out for others, perceptive, selfless, asks too many questions, the glue that holds everyone together, composes music

Evaline: always wondering, gets lost in thought, shy, submissive, straight-A student, loves to learn, finds the little things fascinating, a pretty face, lacks confidence, smiles too much, cares too much, plays the cello


xxXX Their Vale XXxx


The non-spoiler version:
Spoiler! :
Each character manipulates the following:
    Mel: photons
    Len: his cells
    Alistair: thermal/kinetic energy conversion
    Alan: chemical energy absorption
    Evaline: time (only re-living)

Note about Evaline’s vale: I’m aware that her vale is the least explainable by science, but it is said that one-directional time travel is the 4th dimension ;)

The spoiler version:
***DISCLAIMER: I really don’t recommend reading any of the spoilers if you plan on reading my story, since I’ll be unveiling each of their vale pretty slowly. But if you thrive on spoilers and still enjoy the story just as much, or if you don’t plan on reading the chapters but are interested in knowing, feel free to look!
Spoiler! :
Mel: photon illusions
    Photons are tiny light particles that posses a tiny bit of energy and always move at the speed of light. Some people with a light manipulation vale, for example, can control the wavelengths so the light becomes radioactive by converting it to gamma rays. However, for Mel, she is only able to change the wavelength of photos in the visible light spectrum. This means the light she controls is able to be different colors, and everyone around her can perceive her illusions to be real. Essentially, Mel is able to create illusions, but her vale is not strong enough to hold detailed, unmoving illusions for more than a few seconds.

Len: he’s a special case and has two different vales, but they are connected:
  1. Rapid cellular regeneration for his own cells, but triggered only by death: if his organs fail due to missing cells -- whether it be blood cells, skin cells, brain cells, and more --- his vale will automatically (without his control) regenerate those cells very quickly.
  2. Berserker cellular disintegration for human cells other than his own: not being able to die has consequences, and due to his unique genetic makeup, this consequence is brought on by his berserker physiology. While his body heals, he loses control and targets cellular beings around him (which can be plants, humans, animals, etc) for their cellular disintegration. This usually only lasts for several minutes, depending on how severe his inflicted death wound was. Len never remembers the episodes. Scientists later speculate that his berserker physiology “steals” cells from others so his body can use them.

Alistair: thermal/kinetic energy conversion
  1. Kinetic to thermal energy: similar to igniting a matchstick, he can convert movement into heat. Often time, he’d throw something in the air to generate heat. The faster a high-massed object is moving, the stronger the heat -- which would of course lead to fire.
  2. Thermal to kinetic energy: around areas with combustion, he can extinguish the flame in exchange for using what he likes to brag as telekinesis. The heat energy is converted to kinetic energy to object(s) of his choosing, making it look like the object moved on its own. He is unable to control where it goes, but often times it shoots up in the air as if it was being thrown. This power is really only useful for showing off, or maybe in the event of a fire. It is also useful in very hot days, but he mainly does that to cool down the air around him, since the object barely moves due to the small magnitude of energy.

Alan: chemical energy absorption
    The human body’s main energy consumption is stored through chemical energy taken from food, and Alan can absorb that for himself. Depending on how much energy he absorbed, the symptoms for his target can result in feeling weak, intense hunger, paralyzation, and in extreme cases -- death. Due to the nature of his vale, of course there are conditions. To be able to use his vale, he must conduct skin-to-skin contact with his bodily fluids acting as a barrier. This means his saliva, sweat, blood, mucus, and…you know...are affected. Obviously, this affects his love life a great deal, and makes it an inconvenience to be around others in hot days when he sweats. (Fun fact: It also makes other uncomfortable when he sneezes.) The kids in his class first jokingly tease him for having “poison spit,” but as the class got older together, it evolved into a laughing matter dubbed “The Alan STD.”

Evaline: reliving time
    Most people’s vale result from the mating of two valen together to create a new mutation, but Evaline’s vale is “purebred,” meaning that her valen ancestors all possessed a time vale as well. It is hoped that the time vale will mutate on its own to make way for actual time travel, but so far, all the vales have essentially been the same: if one possesses the time vale, then they will be able to relive that time, but not be able to change anything. What triggers the vale is dependent person-to-person, but Evaline’s only activates if she has intense feelings over the event.



Besides world building and a detailed synopsis, that's pretty much it! I'll write about the world building and important plot points later this week (hopefully). Feel free to let me know what you think, and if you have any comments. <3
Last edited by Carina on Sun Jun 17, 2018 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Sun Jun 17, 2018 10:00 am
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StellaThomas says...



Oh gosh I really like this! Firstly because coming of age stories are the best. But also because it's just a really interesting world concept.

I haven't read the spoiler version about the Vale ;) but I'd love to know, do the Valen have any weaknesses? Are they specific to each one?

So here for character driven speculative fiction <3 this is going to be swell
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
  





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Sun Jun 17, 2018 5:31 pm
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Carina says...



@StellaThomas !!! yay! <3 I'm so glad to hear. This was an idea I've constantly needed to revise over and over, and I almost didn't want to do LMS with this idea because I didn't feel like it was good enough yet, but then I thought, "Screw it. I just wanna write out these characters, improve my writing, and see what happens."

I agree, coming-of-age and character-driven books are the best! I think it's going to be harder for me since I've never written anything like this (or really any novel for that matter lol). There will be a lot of half-year-increment time skips from 14-20 years old (it might change from 12-18, but I'm not sure yet), so I know I need to be able to express their maturity in conversation as time goes on, which will be kind of a neat progression to watch. alskdfjlskjf I am SO rambling --

ANYWAYS to your question:

I'm happy to hear you didn't press the big fat spoiler button on that one. ;) But yes, they do have weaknesses! Mel's vale is pretty straightforward and almost comes with no strings attached, and she's the first to hit puberty, so --- oh yeah, forgot to mention, the vale awakens at puberty haha --- her vale awakens the first. And if my outlining is somewhat decent, then the reader will know her vale, like, right away in the first chapter. So since it's not terribly spoilery, here's her blub:

Mel: photon illusions
    Photons are tiny light particles that posses a tiny bit of energy and always move at the speed of light. Some people with a light manipulation vale, for example, can control the wavelengths so the light becomes radioactive by converting it to gamma rays. However, for Mel, she is only able to change the wavelength of photos in the visible light spectrum. This means the light she controls is able to be different colors, and everyone around her can perceive her illusions to be real. Essentially, Mel is able to create illusions, but her vale is not strong enough to hold detailed, unmoving illusions for more than a few seconds.

As said, she does have one main weakness: it's simply not strong enough to make complex illusions. But this is a pretty lame weakness, so I made sure everyone else's weakness is more complicated. I tried to make all the vale a zero sum gain; with the expense of their power comes the expense of something else. So some people may have crazy powerful vale, but the consequence is that they have crazy strict conditions for their vale to activate, or they have a very big, very obvious weakness. It truly does differ person-to-person! You could say...it's in their DNA. hahhaahBAHHAHAHhs

I hope this answered your question! Thanks again for reading. <3
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Mon Jun 18, 2018 9:47 am
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soundofmind says...



I'M SUPER CURIOUS ABOUT THIS SPOOKY LOOMING WAR AND how their world looks less like a utopia and more like a dystopia over time. Is this something revealed to them as they mature and stop seeing things through rose colored glasses, or is it like a sudden and abrupt pulled of the veil from over the eyes sort of deal. Is this something the characters learn to cope with (with each other I assume)???

I know this all probably spoilers (and I am avoiding the spoilers btw) but like... will they all be enlisted in the war or will they be too young for that? Or will only some be enlisted? Is there a draft? What kIND OF WAR??? Between sectors?? Is there some underground human resurgence who are trying to take out the Valen for whatever reason????? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!

But ooooh I like Mel. I feel like your Mel and my Mel would get along well ; ))))))

ONE QUESTION I think you can answer? What're these kids' family lives like? Is there anything drastically different in terms of how the family unit is structured that we wouldn't expect in comparison to what we know today? What kind of family backgrounds do they come from? Are some richer and some less well off?? Or do these kids go to some kind of boarding school where they don't see their parents often (if at all?)???

BUT YEAH!!! Tell me about their families!!!! How did Mel come to Sector 3? Did her parents move because of something back home? Did they get a new job offer? ????? I NEED DEETS!!!! Or at least.... as mmuch as u can give without spoiling everything u feel.

YEAH
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Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:06 pm
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Carina says...



@soundofmind THESE ARE V GOOD QUESTIONS I APPLAUD U

(totally didn’t type this up in a place where there’s free wifi)

also, I forgot the word utopia existed until you mentioned it LOL now I gotta change my thingy so, like you said, the characters think they’re in a utopia but then they realized naw it’s a dystopia

wow it’s a cornucopia of -opia’s (hEH HEH HEH) cough okay here are my answers:

1. Is the dystopia something revealed to them as they mature and stop seeing things through rose colored glasses, or is it like a sudden and abrupt pulled of the veil from over the eyes sort of deal?
HMMMM this is a rlly good and tricky question! So, it’s mostly going to be the former where they slowly realize it as they get older…mostly. Not gonna lie, I’m probably going to stretch this out a bit and the chapters might seem slow, but somewhere in the middle, it’ll be like. BAM. MAJOR DEVELOPMENT. MAJOR REALIZATION THAT THEY LIVE IN POOPYLAND.

2. Is the dystopia something the characters learn to cope with?
heck yea boi. Like, once you realize that the world isn’t what you think it is, like...what do you even do? Everything just seems bad. They start to rely on each other more, but at the same time, when their nice little world gets smashed by the mAjOr pLoT PunCh I talked about above, the friendships don’t exactly fall in place all pretty. heehee spoilerz

3. ALL DA QUESTIONZ ABOUT DA WAR
I only really mentioned the war in my blurb to make it more interesting LOL but yea there’s going to be some kind of war and omG I really want to give some background info but any kind of detail will be major spoilerz so heh SECRETS. But I will say that some of the characters are “enlisted” (aka, they have to go), and some of the characters are going voluntarily heh and um this happens at the very end and they’ll all be, like, in their 20s lol

4. What are the kids’ family lives like?
omg sound these are 10/10 q’s gj gj. SO. I think I forgot to say, but Alan and Alistair are fraternal twins, hence their similar-sounding names (cuz I have way too much fun w dis) and their similar vale. They both live with their mom, but their dad does not live in Sector 3 and visits maybe once a year. Evaline, on the other hand, is the only child and lives with both her parents. BUT. Len and Mel don’t have parents in Sector 3, nor have they ever met them. But Len has an older sister (and later, more about his fam will be talked about) who’s living with him, and Mel is an only child. So, yeah, there’s diversity in family life, and it’s not uncommon to be separated from your mom and/or dad. The only unusual thing about family would be if you have more than two siblings.

5. What kind of family backgrounds do they come from?
This isn’t that spoilery I think lol but Sector 3 is actually North America, renamed. Think: Capital is underground somewhere on North America, and like 95% of the people in the Capital have pale-skin, dark hair, and either dark or blue eyes. Mel, Alistair, and Alan fit this description and are born and raised in Sector 3. Len is blonde and hazel-eyed, and Mel has darker skin with freckles. (these are AWFUL descriptions lol w/e) It’s pretty obvious they’re not from Sector 3. Len’s parents are from Sector 2 (Europe), but he has never been there. Mel is from Sector 4 (South America), but *gasp* she comes into Sector 3 when the story begins, which is around when they’re 14?? So why did she move to Sector 3???? I’ll answer dat in da last question

6. Are some kids richer and some less well off?
uHHH UMM UHHHH ya know I never rlly thought about this LOL. But I mean, since it’s a utopia, I guess I’ve always imagined the Capitals as one big socialist thing where everyone works together to get stuff done and uses their vale in harmony for peace and luv and rainbowz. Even though this story takes place many years in the future, there isn’t really technology. I MEAN. If you can control the laws of physics itself and everything got destroyed after a war, do u rlly need cell phones. The economy fell apart after the big Human-Valen War, and it only recovered once humans went extinct and the valen took their place. “BUT WHY WON’T PPL JUST LIKE, RUN AWAY AND KILL EVERYONE OR SOMETHING” minor spoilers but um so there’s this thing that makes valen, um, more peaceful??? So yep literally everyone works together in harmony lol so there isn’t really an unbalanced amount of power or wealth that you will see… OH EXCEPT FOR PULPAS, which I totally forgot to mention. Pulpas are basically like cavemen or Neanderthals or like a weird hairy ape-lookin’ person, who are as dumb as rocks and are usually pretty derpy. They’re weird creatures lol and they don’t wanna be all up in the vale buzinezz so they only live outside the Capitals, while the valen (which are a generally small population to begin with) live only in the Capitals. The valen approached the pulpas and were like “yo u can live in our niiiiiice capital if u like….do the jobs we don’t wanna do like clean toilets and make us burgers n stuff” and the pulpas were like “omg ok” SO I GUESS THAT’S KIND OF UNBALANCED LOL

7. DEETS BOUT MEL’S FAM
OKAY. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS W/O SPOILERS….ehhHHhh I can’t really, but it’s pretty minor spoilers, but still I will enspoiler the answer for u ok YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Spoiler! :
Mel was raised by pulpas and it wasn’t until pulpas and valen around here were like “omg y u look so different from ur pulpa parents and omg why can u control light” that she was snitch-snatched away :[ the only reason she went to Sector 3 instead of 4 was because Sector 4 was overpopulated and Sector 3 was underpopulated, so yep


I HOPE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS thanks wafer frand for stopping by ❤
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Sat Jun 23, 2018 10:35 am
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soundofmind says...



I READ THE SPOILER CAUSE I'M WEAK AND >:00000 OMG!!!!!!

Does some of the corruption and dystopia stuff they notice have to do with the pulpas (who basically sound like they're being taken advantage of for cheap labor oh geez)?????

THIS IS ALL SO INTERESTING AAAAA
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Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:52 am
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gloriana says...



@soundofmind,

What enticed me to begin with was this idea of a dystopia. This is a dark and engrossing topic if done well and a horrific war looming is a prime way to ensnare readers.

I really like how on your character analysis you didn't just think of the physical features to the characters but also their staple characteristics, and together you have 5 well rounded characters. Description is key!

The vale are a difficult thing to write in depth about but the scientific aspects behind each vale show how much you have researched and thought through the qualifications for what it is to be The Valen.

It is wonderful how you've held on to this idea for 10 years, and my advice to you (besides what's written above) is to keep writing! First draft, second draft, it doesn't matter, I'm sure we're all keen to find out what becomes of the Valen!

@gloriana
  








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