every pore in his body
He had been trained well, too well thought Aden.
There was a burning desire for water, head throbbing, and eyelids heavy, he trudged on.
The desert had been sandy in the beginning of his journey.
Sand dunes provided shade and he would sit tight underneath their cover, close his eyes and dream.
“We’ll be able to marry, Chara,” he had said
“Your father will let me marry you, Chara.
She pulled her hands back from him and frowned, staring at her lap.
“I’d rather this, Adan, than never see you again.”
“Chara, I will come back, and I’ll marry you. I promise.
“And many more have died at the attempt,” she cried, throwing her hands in the air. “It is not a stroll through the gardens, Adan!”
You are a mortal,” she whispered. “You’re just a boy Adan,” she added softly, touching his cheek.
“Galen says he’ll train me,” he had insisted. “He thinks I can do it.” Why couldn’t she believe in him? He would show them (It's a bit odd that you go from referring to her specifically to them. I'd replace this with her or at the very least say all of them.) he was no boy.
“Don’t you see? You will not come back!” she had yelled.
“Chara, someone might come (I think hear would be better here)!” he had warned, reaching for her. She pulled away.
“I don’t care! Hear me through, Adan.
void of any life except for Adan who stood at its centre.
What if there was no end? Would the desert to be his final end? (I don't like the repetition of end here - maybe replace the second one?)
he’d already drunk too much yesterday.
This left the Erobus Desert as [s]being[/s] the only chance at heroism for Adan, and also his only chance for honour, recognition and the fair Chara.
Chara, he longed to hear her sweet voice, her cool, soft fingers
Galen had told him his feet would give up long before he did.
Each step felt as if he was lifting a heavy boulder,
He would crawl, then heave himself up and stagger forward,
taste the hot earth breathing into (Er...breathing into doesn't sound right. Perhaps breathing against or just replace this verb altogether. That said, lovely imagery here!) his mouth.
Two days from Kartan, Adan lay on the hot, caked ground, eyes closed, smiling at the sun.
The Atprossians, who had travelled by river to Kartan,
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