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As I Cantered.



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Points: 1066
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Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:17 pm
JenGwen says...



Ode to Texas
Born; April 20th 2002,
Died; Sept 11th 2009


As I Cantered
As I cantered on Texas I felt so free
Like a sailor would feel on the open sea

My love was the wind rushing past my face
My love was the hills and the wide open space

The freedom to go so fast and so long
With nothing and no-one to tell me I’m wrong

My heart would always skip a beat
At the sound of Tex’s cantering feet

The special ways he had took my breath away

“Texas I love you” is what I used to say

You’re with me no more but we’ll always be
Partners forever, Texas and me.

No matter where you are.
No matter how far.
I will always love you forever to the stars.
[center]





Texas’s Last Breath.
As in memory of Texas, I think you should know,
That it all just goes to show,
Everything is not yours to choose,
And everything you can always loose.

I was cantering along a river shore,
But for Texas it was just too big a chore,

He fell down on the ground,
And with his last breath, he whinnied his last sound.

Just before he died, I said one last thing to him.
“I will never forget you. Never.”

I then knew he had left me forever.

As I looked back at his limp body,
I made sure that in my heart I will always save one last beat for him.

For all the good times we had,
I love you, my little lad.

No matter where you are.
No matter how far.
I will always love you forever to the stars
Last edited by JenGwen on Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The four elements of success: Talent, Skills, Try, and Luck. Talent you are born with; Skills you develop; Try is intestinal, fortitude or guts; Luck is spelled w.o.r.k. and is defined when preporation meets opportunity. :D
  





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Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:58 am
shiney1 says...



Oh my, now I feel so sad, because I am a horse lover. Is this a true story? No-wait, do not answer.
Maybe because I like horses is why I do not see much to be changed, but here I go:

Texas I love you is what I used to say.

This could be, "Texas I love you," is what I used to say. because he is talking.

His Last Breath

Everything you can-not just choose,

This could be changed to Everything is not yours to choose because it sounds a bit better and helps the flow.

And for Texas it was just too bigger a chore,

That could be changed to But for Texas, this was just too big a chore, because, bigger just adds a bit of redundancy since "too" describes the degree of the chore, and this new sentence seems to flow with the poem better

You could also use a bit more pauses in a few areas, but overall, very good poem! I would like to see more!
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1066
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Mon Dec 06, 2010 7:39 pm
JenGwen says...



I took your advice, is that better?
  








She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.
— Atticus