Young Writers Society

Opinions wanted

Irin Dread

- Unknown birthplace (Caucasian, presumed Irish/British).
- Unknown age (claims to be thousands of years old but looks no older than 18).
- Sandy blonde hair.
- Grey eyes (changes between blue, white, yellow, red, black, silver, cyan, green and brown).
- Six feet tall.
- Slim built.
- Highly advanced powers beyond all known Inheritors and Monarchs (elemental).
- Regenerative abilities.
- Superior strength and agility.
- Mostly untrained but displays great skill with swords and handguns.
- Wears a long red trench coat, silver waistcoat with pocket watch, crisp white shirt with black tie, formal black trousers and fitted shoes.
- Wields a Remington 1858 Revolver with a long barrel and special handle alongside a three foot long sword of an unknown material dubbed Excalibur.

We're going to need some background on what you're writing. This character would be great in fantasy, awful in tween vampire romance. Get what I'm saying?

The series is a fantasy and science fiction mix. The universe it takes place in is large and complicated with various magical powers harnessed by a host of alien races.
The focus is on how Earth comes into this as humanity stands as a much newer species surrounded by all sorts of ancient creatures.
I hope for it to be a very dark series, as far away from the 'tween romance' genre as possible. Although vampires do appear, I depict them such as the classic draculian kind.

Is he the protagonist?

Welll, this character seems a little too *tailored for the generic fantasy role*. I suppose it would help for some background info on the story.

He is the protagonist from part 4 to 7.
The story is based around nine magically enhanced races known as Monarchs. Each Monarch race is tailored to a specific field of magic. Some other races (including humans) show some potential of magical power too (some not all). These individuals are known as Inheritors. In very rare cases, beings who can govern all nine magical fields appear. Our protagonist here is one of them. He seems tailored because that is what he is. In this universe, Heaven and Hell do exist. He was created to be a embodiment of Heaven to fight his equally strong counter part.

If you wish to see more deatils just ask.

I agree with Lava, this guy is way too perfect... For a bad guy, or a bad ¿#! dude. The thing is, you wont have people saying: "Holy crap! That guy's scary!" it'll be more like: "Holy crap! Doesn't he remind you of The Doctor?"

I think it's partly his attire. I'm glad you didn't go for the black shiny leather... But still, I don't now. It just seems like we keep reviving the same guy to do our biddings. You know?

Wobbertson wrote:He is the protagonist from part 4 to 7.
The story is based around nine magically enhanced races known as Monarchs. Each Monarch race is tailored to a specific field of magic. Some other races (including humans) show some potential of magical power too (some not all). These individuals are known as Inheritors. In very rare cases, beings who can govern all nine magical fields appear. Our protagonist here is one of them. He seems tailored because that is what he is. In this universe, Heaven and Hell do exist. He was created to be a embodiment of Heaven to fight his equally strong counter part.

If you wish to see more deatils just ask.

Than, I don't know.

I've failed to mention his personality. Whilst he seems perfect in the physical sense being very skilled and stronger than most others, he is fairly flawed mentally. He refuses to acknowledge his purpose and constants runs from it. He is also ruthless, killing any and all in his way to get what he wants, nearly as bad as the antagonists. He often toys with his defeated foes before killing them.
This is a man tortured by immortality and it slowly drives out his humanity.

This guy needs some weird quirks. How about sleeping with a bunny rabbit teddy, or an obsession with chocolate fingers, or dyspraxia or something.

I think he needs some physical drawback. Like others have said he comes across as quite perfect. He has all these powers, skills and strength and what not. And although you mentioned that he is mentally flawed I still think it would be interesting if he has a physical flaw. You need to put limitations on him to make him more interesting.

For example, in an anime I watch there's a character called Zoro. He is super duper strong and very talented with swords and stuff. But on the flip side he sucks with directions and always gets lost. In the series it is quite a comical thing but you don't need to have be comical. Maybe he has an old injury that plays up sometimes. And I like what Tenyo said about a quirk to make him more interesting.

Also, I don't know if you've thought about this already but you need to ask why for a lot of the information you've put down already.

Why is he tortured by immortality? Why does he toy with his defeated foes? Why does he refuse to acknowledge his purpose? Why is he so ruthless?

That's where like back story comes into play and motivation.

After taking on board what everyone has said I decided to make a large change to the character which also allowed me to carry the series on for another three entries because of this story arc.

As stated, Irin Dread seems to perfect and at the start he is. But over the course of the series he watches as his world and loved ones are at the mercy of demonic forces. Despite leading the successful counter attack in London, Irin loses many friends and his wife. All this grief and the pressure of his role in the universe causes his soul to split into two egos. The first is the embodiment of Irin's good side. His courage, passion and personality is kept within this ego, barely changing from the original soul. The other half becomes it's own entity named Dread. This is the manifestation of Irin's thousands of years of pain and suffering taking in all his darkness and malice.
The two egos still share the same body with Irin in control for most of the time but whenever under great stress, experiencing grief or willingly, Irin switches into Dread who is usually locked within his mind. Dread has no remorse and shows no mercy to anyone, friend or foe. Despite being a very useful weapon, Dread's release in battle often results in many human deaths which Irin feels guilty for, fueling Dread even more. In the final entry to the series, Dread becomes so powerful, he manages to split into his own form. Finally free of Irin's body, he goes on to carry out all his darkest desires he never gets to (the killing of thousands). Irin feeling guilty and blaming himself for Dread's power and existence, battles his alter ego.

This is Irin's greatest weakness. He is in a eternal self conflict with his dark manifestation which occasionally breaks out.