Spoiler! :
Sorry if this is a rather long post...
So, I need some serious help. Like serious, as in, this isn't for the faint of heart help. i am going to reveal my plot here, no holding back, no secrets kept to myself, (sadly) so that I can fix my plot. You know, the type of fixing where I take a scapel and completely change the molecular structure of the creature before me....
Anyway, I've been plotting this for about a month, and I would like some feedback. It's pretty much what I call my "scene tracker," meaning i've included all the scenes, important or no, here. To me, the whole thing is too confusing, but I would like to get some other opinion/feedback. Tell me what you like, what you don't like, what I should change, what would work better, etc.
Oh, and a HUGE thanks in advance.
Title: Third Line Pulse
Genre: Action/Adventure, Thriller
Short Synopsis:
A normal man walks into his apartment one day and discovers four unwanted and uninvited guests. Their arrival plunges him into a dark and shady world of undead and super-powered gangsters, and he must choose, eventually, which side he’s on. But when he chooses the middle path and starts working for a mysterious individual, he’s targeted by both groups. In the process of evading both them and the law, he discovers a plot on a grand scale…a plan that could wipe out his entire existence. Now, it’s up to him to beat the clock and stop them before it’s to late, but he doesn’t realize how close he is to helping them achieve it….
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Tracker:
• Scene 1- Ash walks in to his apartment, there are three members of Omnicron 5 there, and they are “interrogating” a member of a rival gang (Satchel). Ash is captured and tied to a chair. He is then ignored as the Omni. members continue to question Satchel. However, they are sacred off by Trenchcoat, who is spotted outside, and leave without gaining the information they wanted, knocking Ash out in the process.
• Scene 2- When Ash comes to, he unties Satchel, who has mysteriously healed for the most part, on one condition---that Satchel explain what was going on. Satchel tells him as briefly as possible and then leaves. Ash thinks the whole thing was suspicious, but none of his business. Outside, Satchel runs into Trenchcoat, who does not reveal his motive for being there. Satchel, hoping to kill two birds with one stone, hires Trenchcoat to kill Ash. (Diverting a potential enemy and getting rid of the witness.)
• Scene 3- Nick Tracer, a detective on the police force, investigates a strange murder. (Not Ash’s.) It fits perfectly with the pattern he’s been observing for several months now, and all the victims have been shady characters, unknown, or with obscure pasts. He is inhibited by higher ups in his department, who for some reason seem not to want him snooping further into these murders. What are they trying to cover up?
• Scene 4- Two nights later, Ash is walking home from worked when he notices Trenchcoat following him. He recognizes Trenchcoat from the first night, and becomes uneasy. A chase ensues. Eventually, Ash is cornered. Trenchcoat uses his power to kill Ash and leaves without a trace. Ash dies.
• Scene 5- Ash wakes up in the autopsy room at the police station. He wants to remain anonymous, so he wipes out his file and sneaks out without anyone noticing.
• Scene 6- Ash goes back to his apartment. He decides he’s going to skip town, but before he can leave Satchel (from scene one) and another man walk in. Ash hides in the kitchen cupboard as the men search the room for something. Ash learns that it was Satchel who had him killed. He becomes angry, and decides he’ll follow Satchel to see what he’s up to, and to find out what the mysterious item that he hid in his apartment was.
• Scene 7- Nick wants to investigate the disappearance of Ash’s body, believing that it might be connected somehow to the series of recent murders. However, the head of his department tells him, firmly, to stop with the investigation. Nick, annoyed, steps out of his bounds and presses forward anyway, questioning the specialist of the autopsy apartment. A woman seems to be following him around the department, however, is she on to him?
• Scene 8- Ash follows the man who was with Satchel to a warehouse where he and Satchel are to meet with a higher up member of the gang in order to give her the item. (She is the woman from the police department, but this isn’t revealed until later.) However, their meeting goes awry as they are attacked by members from Omnicron 5. Ash witnesses the killing of the gang members as they are shot down by Omnicron, the woman escapes however, and Omnicron pursues her, leaving the scene. The “dead” gang members miraculously come back to life. Ash listens to their conversation but his presence is discovered. Satchel comes after him, hoping to finish him off, but they are interrupted by Dance, a girl with explosive powers, who was drawn to the location due to a ‘tip’ dropped to her anonymously. She is successful in annihilating the undead gang members. She then comes after Ash, who avoids her first attack. Under pressure, his belated powers awaken, and he is able to escape from Dance by causing the power grid to blow. Injured badly, Ash stumbles out of the warehouse and runs away. He meets up with Trenchcoat, (who is the one who tipped Dance off) and Trenchcoat seems surprised to see him. He has information that Ash wants, but won’t give it to him.
• Scene 9- Nick investigates the scene of the “mass” murder which took place the night before. The higher up lady also comes to the scene, which is surprising. Nick gets uneasy around her, sensing a bad vibe. Nick begins to make the connections, as the murder style is the pattern he has been identifying and tracking. But he is forbidden to continue, and learns that the police have been bought out by a gang…but which one?
Later, he finds that the department is being paid by a gang called Omnicron 5, but many of the high ranking officers personally benefit from another gang (the lady, for one.) thus the cover-ups, lies and information theft. He becomes intrigued. Also, the specialist from scene 6 becomes his ally, and provides him with a crucial piece of information: some of the blood samples collected at the murder scene matched the ones from the missing dead body (Ash’s body).
• Scene 10- Ash tries to ignore his powers, and tries to go back to the way things were before, but he is pulled in again when he meets up with the Omnicron 5 members from scene one while riding on the subway late one night. Also on the subway is Nick and Dance, who are sitting next to one another and having a friendly conversation. There is an explosion, as forces from the “rival gang” try and take out the Omnicron members, who have bought the “Shield” from Trenchcoat, who stole it. The train crashes and the power blows out, and Ash is trapped inside the passenger car along with the other citizens. It is revealed that Ash is extremely claustrophobic, and he nearly goes crazy. There is a second manifestation of his power, and he escapes from the car. In the meantime, there is pretty mush an all out war between the gang members. Ash shows up just in time to save the lives of the O5 members, but he angrily turns on them after they refuse to take him into their gang and teach him how to use his powers. He steals the “shield” and escapes.
• Scene 11- Ash, in the meantime, resumes his “normal” life…working, eating, sleeping… But Trenchcoat keeps nagging at the back of his mind. He needs information, and he needs it now. Ash tracks down “The Shadowman,” through his “Eyes and ears”---street living bums who are paid to spy and eavesdrop for Trenchcoat (a.ka. Shadowman) They’re pushovers though, and Ash uses force to learn from one of them Trenchcoat’s location. Ash tracks down Trenchcoat, who lives in a lair underneath the city streets. They talk, and Trenchcoat finally gives Ash some answers. (INSERT BACKSTORY HERE) Now that Ash knows who he is, and knows that he “can never return to a normal life,” will he join the underworld and start working for Trenchcoat? Ash refuses. Trenchcoat then reveals that there is one way Ash can be killed…by Dance, or others who are both immortal and super powered. He also tells Ash that he is one of these people…and that Ash will eventually lose his sanity, just like Dance. This horrifies Ash, and he runs away, taunted be Trenchcoat.
• Scene 12- The guy who got beat up by Ash is a double agent, and he goes and tells the lady at the police dept. about Ash. Nick eavesdrops on their conversation, and witnesses the lady kill the bum. He knows he must be more careful than ever. Nick is walking home when he is attacked by a hired hit man from the police department. Trenchcoat shows up and saves him. But tells him that the rescue comes with a price….Nick must now work for Trenchcoat---he is to locate, and procure if able, an object called “Shield.”
• Scene 13- Satchel as it turns out, survived from scene seven. He and the lady from the police department meet with higher ups from the gang that they’re hired from. While there, it is revealed that the gangs plan is to destroy the Shield using a “core,” this will kill off all the immortals, and take away the superpowered people’s powers in the world, as it destroys the “pulse” from which they get their power in the first place. They don’t tell this to Satchel or the lady, however. The lady leaves and is killed by Dance, who was hired by Trenchcoat, who was hired by the gang, as she no longer serves any use. Satchel witnesses this, however, and a man who comes along with shape shifting abilities who “morphs” into the lady. It is revealed that the gang’s ultimate goal is to find and recapture Shield.
• Scene 14- The three Omnicron members from scene one track down Ash at one of his day jobs. He is chased down to the riverside. They demand that he give them Shield, but he negotiates, saying he’ll give it to them only if they teach him how to use his powers. They agree and tell him to meet them at midnight at a designated location.
• Scene 15- Trenchcoat confronts Satchel from the gang. He learns just a little piece more of the overarching plot. They fight, Trenchcoat’s true power is revealed, but he still barely escapes with his life. (At this point he is assumed dead.)
• Scene 16- Ash begins to train with the Omni. members, but they are unsuccessful. Before they can resort to harsher training methods, Dance shows up and nearly kills Ash in the ensuing fight. However, this is successful in Ash’s powers manifesting themselves, and the Omni. members now know how to train him. Ash isn’t interested in training right now though, and tracks down the injured Dance. After a brief argument, they resolve their differences and become allies. Dance reveals some BACKSTORY here. Ash asks why Dance was sent to kill him; she says that no one sends her and that she doesn’t understand why she needs to kill him.
• Scene 17- Ash and Dance become friends, and Ash gives her the Shield.
• Scene 18- It turns out that Nick used Dance to trace Ash, or the “Shield.” He shows up, but so does the shape shifter from scene 14 along with cohorts. They try to capture Dance, believing that she has the Shield. Ash becomes angered, and his powers “erupt.” Nick recognizes Ash, and after the battle, tells him everything he knows. Ash is greatly distressed at this. The Omnicron members show up, and they plan to attack the core and take the Shield back. Ash doesn’t care about that…he wants to save Dance. Ash leaves without the others knowing.
• Scene 19- Ash tries to find the “base” but is confronted by the shape shifter, who appears to look like Dance. He leads Ash along, and then, when Ash is unsuspecting, kills him, not knowing that Ash can’t be killed. Ash comes back, shocked and discouraged.
• Scene 20- Omnicron enters the “base.” It turns out to be a hoax. The gang sent in gunmen to delay the invasion party, and they ambush the Omni. members. Ash shows up just in time though. Angered, he starts to deal out heavy damage to the gang’s gunmen. However, the gunmen resort to plan B, which is setting off a bomb. They do so and ash is the only member of the invading party who escapes. Battered, he fights his way out of the rubble and leaves.
• Scene 21- Nick and Ash meet up at a different location. Nick has managed to discover the real location of the core, and that Trenchcoat is missing, supposedly dead. He also reveals that the person who attempted to kill Ash isn’t actually Dance. Heartened by this, Ash sets off on the final effort to stop the gang and retrieve the Shield.
• Scene 22- Ash finds and enters the real base. He successfully gets inside without being noticed, but is confronted by Satchel. They begin to fight but are interrupted by the arrival of Trenchcoat. Trenchcoat and Satchel continue to fight while Ash goes on ahead.
• Scene 23- Meanwhile, the gang has indeed captured Dance and is trying to use her power to activate the core, but she won’t comply. She is about to be seriously harmed when Ash shows up and saves her, diverting from his true purpose of stopping the core to do so. However, Ash discovers that he has been tricked, as it isn’t Dance who he has “rescued,” but the shape shifter who was planted to stop Ash. They fight and Ash has trouble inflicting any harm as the shape shifter taunts him with the various forms he takes on. Ash finally kills the shape shifter by accident.
• Scene 24- Trenchcoat and Satchel finish the fight with Trenchcoat killing Satchel…but he walks away seriously injured.
• Scene 25- Ash inadvertently stumbles upon the real Dance, who managed to escape and is trying to find a way out. Ash helps her escape, then goes back for the Shield. Ash encounters the leader of the gang and during the hit-and-run fight inadvertently activates the core with his power. Ash rushes inside the core to try and prevent the Shield’s destruction. Dance, who secretly followed him, realizes what must be done and follows. Inside, she uses her power to thrust the Shield into Ash’s chest, in order to protect it. She then destroys the core, but this destroys herself in the process.
• Scene 26- A few months pass, and Ash has returned to a normal life, as he hasn’t used his powers since the incident in Scene 28. He encounters the members from Omnicron, who survived the ambush attack in Scene 22. They thank him, and ask him to join them. He refuses.
• Scene 27- Nick wraps up the rest of the case and is promoted, a happy ending for him.
• Scene 28- Ash meets up with Trenchcoat, who also survived. Trenchcoat wants Ash to work for him, as he will now be hunted after by others who will seek after the Shield, but Ash only says he’ll think about it.
_End_
NOTE: This is a rough draft, I havn't worked out every detail yet, and I haven't decided what Backstory to include yet. Sorry if things are confusing in the way that they were written here, please ask if I need to clarify anything. Also, when "refer to scene__" is mentioned, disregard that as the order of some of these scenes has been reversed.
Please let me know if you think up a cool title for "the gang" as well.
Gender:
Points: 19207
Reviews: 192