z

Young Writers Society


Help writing a sensitive scene



User avatar
8 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 201
Reviews: 8
Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:17 pm
candywriter says...



Hi! Can y’all maybe give me some ideas on how to write the end of this scene and the next?
Context: a girl named Maddie has to have stitches, but she won’t let the boy nurse give her the numbing shots. ..... she trusts him somehow.... ???
Here’s a clip from the story:

“Joe, make sure she’s comfortable with the idea of a boy giving her shots before you jump right in,” warned Frank.
Joe gave him “the look”, and picked up the first needle.
“Maddie, don’t be afraid,” he said. “I’ll be gentle on your arm, and I’ll do my best to make sure these don’t hurt badly.”
Maddie nodded, not sure she could handle it.
Joe was about to prick her arm when Maddie suddenly pulled her arm away.

Please tell me if you have any ideas! Thanks!
always, candywriter
  





User avatar
459 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 10092
Reviews: 459
Mon Jan 08, 2024 6:13 pm
Poor Imp says...



I'm a bit confused. Do you need suggestions for why she might move from mistrust, to trust? As in, what makes her change her mind about him?

It might help to know why she doesn't trust a man in the first place. Does she have a history with men being untrustworthy? a bad memory of a brother or a friend with needles?

What about this nurse might be different from them?
ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem

"There is adventure in simply being among those we love, and among the things we love -- and beauty, too."
-Lloyd Alexander
  








I love how we all band together to break things...
— Kelpies