Young Writers Society

All That Was Lost
SVH

I'm tired of trying, tired of crying
Deep down inside you knew I've been dying
Im honest with you, I'm not even lying
But my dedication to you was the only thing you're fighting
I loved your face, I loved your laugh
I adored your eyes, how you would look back
Smile, hug, and tell me it's all okay
But suddenly you left me at the end of the day
A final goodbye I hadn't the chance to say
Cause all you were doing was pushing me away
I became your enemy, on you features a snarl
Every single time we talked; a quiet quarrel
I never expected you wanting it this way
Not wanting me to stick around, or to stay
I regret trusting you, I abhor your attitude
Your anger and deception was really quite rude
At the same time, I wanted you to say
Oh, my dear lover, my love towards you isn't a game
I pushed back, I struggled, I raged and I fought
The feelings and emotions and inside that you taught
The tears of misery, the shame on your face
Was all just an act, calling me a waste
I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry to say goodbye
But all in all, you don't care, so why should I?

@SpikeFox87 you're more likely to get feedback if you post through the publishing center! Welcome to YWS.

I like the light rhyming and repetition of the goodbye theme - I think you could build up the narrative a bit more since it feels a bit like a bucket of feelings without context - the emotions are expressed well, but there's not a lot of narrative content to attach them to.

Keep on writing!