Cassia Blake
It's been a week or so since Aria came to us with the plan to overthrow Evangeline's tyranny . At the time, I didn’t know what to think. I was scared, but I was also angry. Not only did she attack Xander and I, but she opened up some old wounds I dont think will close again. Both literally and metaphorically. The nightmares have been getting worse since that night. It always has the same beginning. Being trapped in a dark room with chains wrapped around my hands and legs. Only now the new discovery is the faces of the torturers that have always been blank shadows to me. However, I know the faces aren’t the true kidnappers, because they belong to Peter and Evangeline.
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
The full moon shines brightly over Pierpoint, and I stare out into the world leading away from here. Away from my haunts, and my stupidity. I promised when I came here that I wouldn't attach myself to anyone, and I wouldn't show weakness. And I failed... The view from the tower becomes more and more like home the longer I look at it. It’s the one place that's actually high enough that I feel like I can finally breathe.
As the night rages on, sounds of screams and war cries echo around the campus I was only released from the infirmary a few days ago, and I guess I didn’t feel quite ready for war games. When I get my strength back and my arms fully heal I will join, and I will prove to them all that I am not the weak girl I appear to be. I will prove that I am not the scared girl that I actually am...
The sounds of the doorway creep behind me, and I jump dagger in hand ready to strike. I see Peter standing in the doorway smiling maliciously. I scream, putting all my weight into slamming him against the wall, and holding the knife against his throat. He gasps, and stands completely still. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to my instincts, and before me Peter’s face begins to disappear and new figure takes his place. They look shocked, and confused.
Xander.
My eyes go wide. I stand there a moment, my eyes now filling with tears. With a sharp release of air, I drop the knife letting it clatter to the floor. My hands begin to shake furiously, and I step away suddenly feeling a sharp twist in my stomach. We stare at each other a moment in silence.
“Cassia...” He takes a step towards me, but I take a step back. “Cassia. Please.”
“No. Stop. Don't come near me.” I step back again, and grip my head. “God. I could've killed you.” I feel my heart beating loudly in my chest, and my breath speeding up.
“But you didn't...hey look at me.”
“But I could have Xander! I could have killed you, and I was so close!” I step back again now teetering on the edge of the roof. “I...I keep seeing him everywhere. I keep seeing them! I'm not scared of them! I am not weak!”
“Cassia...I know you’re not weak. You are one of the strongest people I know, but I need you to come here. I need you to calm down.” He holds out his hand.
“It's my fault. I didn't listen to my father...I didn't listen to my father...it's my fault” I gasp between hollow breaths. “God dammit!” He takes another step towards me.
“Stop!” I yell. Suddenly I see the blood through my tears, the kidnappers approaching me, the darkness of the room. This isn't a dream. This is real. It's happening again. I shut my eyes tightly. “No no no. I escaped! This isn't real. It isn't real!” I feel harsh grips around my wrists.
“Cassia! It's okay! You’re okay. Breathe..please breathe.” He pulls me away from the edge of the roof, and pulls me down to the floor in an embrace. Tears rush down my face, and my body shakes violently.
“I'm sorry...I'm sorry.” I repeat over and over. He shushes me, and holds me closer.
“It's not your fault...it's not your fault.” He assures me. “It's not your fault.”
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I don't know what time I fell asleep, but I must have. The sun is not yet up, and I wake up still tightly wrapped in Xander's arms. I feel the slowness of his breathing, and I know he is asleep. I sit there a moment not moving, listening quietly to the beating of his heart.
I haven't had one of the panic attacks in months.
The last time I almost gave my trainer It was one of those moments where I wish I didn’t have to move, but then I remembered last night.
I bite the bullet, and slowly pull myself out of his arms. He stirs a moment, but doesn’t wake up. I wipe my swollen red eyes, and stand up grabbing my things. Once I am almost to the bottom I hear a loud thumping noise echoing down the stairwell. Xander rushes down nearly running into me. His face is worried and tired.
“Thank God I caught you...I knew you’d try to run.” I looked at him not saying anything for a long time.
“Leave me alone Xander.” I say turning away from him.
“No!” He yells, and I stop dead in my tracks. “Not this again. I am not leaving you alone. Not this time.” He then reaches out for my wrist and...
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