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English- A Letter.

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Mon Dec 28, 2009 9:14 am
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Lava says...

I need a big favor from you guys. We have English model exam day after and we’ll have to write a permission letter to a company for training.

This is all that my little brain could think of; for some reason it can’t do more. :(

Anyway, I want you to read it, rip it apart and give me suggestions on how to write it better and a few extra points that I can add.

Dear Sir

I, <name>, am a fourth semester student of the Department of Biotechnology of <college name>
I would like to receive training in your ‘Processing Department’ which will expose me to the professional methods as well as professional ethics. It would also allow me to apply the aspects of plant engineering technology which I’ve learnt. It would also allow me to explore my creativity in this field, as I find it to be very interesting. If within my capacity, I would like to contribute to your efforts in any little way I can.
I would grateful if you would accept me as a trainee between 01 May 2010 and 01 June 2010 which happens to be my summer break.

I thank you in anticipation.
Yours faithfully

Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

kimi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.


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Mon Dec 28, 2009 10:35 am
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Meep(: says...

Hey Lava!
I saw your blog post and I'll try to help you out.
You began two consecutive sentences with "It would also allow me to".
Perhaps you can elaborate on how it is interesting to you and why you chose this particular company for training.
Also: "which will expose me to the professional methods as well as professional ethics" of what?
I'd also suggest that you describe what kind of training you are looking to receive, more specifics.

As for the letter format, I'm taught differently, so I can't comment on that except there's usually a comma after that "Yours faithfully". Oh, and why not "Yours sincerely"? :D

Hope I helped!
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"

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Mon Dec 28, 2009 12:44 pm
Demeter says...

Hey Lava!

Usually with application letters a big plus is if you find a way to be unique, unforgettable, and formal at the same time. I would imagine they'd want you to tell them why they should choose you, and you should mention any hobbies or interests you have that could help in the job you apply for.

I would also suggest to get rid of the "which happens to be my summer break". It's kind of vague in my opinion and strikes to me as more of an informal than a formal thing to say. You could just have "which is my summer break."

I would be grateful if you would accept me as a trainee

"If and "would" don't go together – therefore, you must have "I would be grateful if you accepted me as a trainee...".

I hope this helps! :)

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