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Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:42 pm
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Jessa says...



Hello everyone, I need some help. I write a lot of things that are a cross between poems and short stories. They hardly ever rhyme [which to me means they are not a poem] but they are only a few lines long [meaning they are not a short story]. I was wondering if someone could tell me when it is that I am writing. Here is an example of what I am talking about...

To the one I love:
I lay my heart down next to yours as we embark on life’s journey.
This place we go doesn’t need to be anything extraordinary,
because when I'm with you time stops.
I feel as though we could take over the world, no outside force could stop us.
In the past we have failed to trust each other, hiding the emotions we feel.
But, we will surrender and our hearts will melt together as one.
Our hands will forever be connected in strength.
And behold, we will be a united team.
Running forever towards the same eternity.


I just wrote this rough example so you get the point of what I am talking about. [but if you have suggestions on this piece please let me know].

If anyone knows what it is I am writing, please let me know!

Thanks,
-Jessa
Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it.
Drew Marrymore

~Jessa~
  





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Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:36 pm
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Tigersprite says...



Poems don't need to rhyme at all; that's just the sort of poem they teach children in primary school because they're easier to understand. You've still written a poem, Jessa. :)
"A superman ... is, on account of certain superior qualities inherent in him, exempted from the ordinary laws which govern men. He is not liable for anything he may do."
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Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:46 pm
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AmeliaCogin says...



Hi jessa! I like your work. If you wanted to, you could call it a piece of prose, which is kind of a cross between a story and a poem. Poems DO NOT have to rhyme. I'm quite glad of this personally, because I rather dislike rhyming poety. Many of the best poems are non-rhyming yet at the same time soulful and rich and rhythmic. Your piece is beautiful: it's definately a poem. Alot of famous poems have very long lines. One of my favorite poems is called love after love by Derek Hugh, and the lines are rather long in this poem.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Be proud of what you've written because I see nothing wrong with it in the way of gramatical mistakes and you're flow is wonderful. Keep up the good work!
~ Amelia
  





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Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:48 am
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Kale says...



Not all poems must rhyme. That's like saying all stories have to be novels. Just as there are different types of stories and ways to tell them, there are different types of poems and techniques to use in them.

What you've written would be classified as a poem. It's not a particularly poetic poem, but there are poetic forms like free verse and prose poetry that blur the lines between regular writing and poetry and are classified by how they have no set form to them.

My only suggestion would be to blur the line between more. Play around with the line breaks a bit more. Use more powerful, poignant, poetic phrasings. Right now, this reads a bit blandly, almost as if you decided to chop up a drabble into lines to make it look pretty. Try infusing it with a bit more impact by examining and varying your word choice and cutting out the unnecessary fluff. Basically, make it more interesting to not only look at, but read.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
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Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:59 pm
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Jessa says...



Thanks everyone! That was helpful. I will work on chopping up the lines some more, so it is more interesting :)
Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it.
Drew Marrymore

~Jessa~
  








That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead