Young Writers Society

Hi there! I'm working on a story that will feature a non-binary character that uses they-them pronouns. Since I'm not non-binary, I was hoping that any YWS members that are could give me some tips and general information about writing this character.
I'm specifically looking for any cliches and stereotypes I should watch out for, or words or phrases I should avoid so as not to offend people. Anything you can tell me about your experience as a non-binary person or what being non-binary means to you is also greatly appreciated. I want to portray this character as respectfully as possible, and provide a character that non-binary readers can relate to and see themselves in.
(If your not non-binary yourself but have friends or family members that are, or if you have experience writing non-binary characters, and you feel you have useful input, you can still reply, but please state that your information is not from firsthand experience.)

Hi! I am non-binary and wanted to share! To me, being non-binary isn't what some people think it means. While some people might think it means I have no gender, that is not actually true. While I was born as a male, I don't necessarily like being titled as one. To me, my gender is who I am. I am myself, if that makes sense. I don't feel like a boy or a girl. I just feel like myself. And while not every nb person feels the same way I do, that's how some might. I don't like being titled as a male or a female, just my name, joey. So when someone talks about me, I would prefer they or Joey. Anyway, that's just my feelings, and I appreciate that you are going to include a nb person in your story! I hope this helped in some way.

Thanks! I'll keep what you've said in mind when I'm writing my character.

I have a fair few non-binary friends.

The experience tends to vary greatly from person to person, just like the way cis-gendered people experience their own gender. For some, it's simply a matter of not wanting to have to fit the stereotypes of either gender, whilst for others it goes as far as having gender dysphoria towards a body that is not totally androgynous.

I think an important thing to avoid is a character that is overly political. Most simply want a normal life where they can be respected for their own identity, and so they have some resentment to those who are more extreme or overly political because it re-enforces negative stereotypes, and not everyone in the community has the same beliefs.

Equally, try not to combine them with other minorities that also face difficulty being recognised, such as otherkin or transabled. Whilst it may be reasonable within the story, having a single character who represents multiple minorities in this way makes them less likely to be taken seriously.

Another thing is that whilst it's common for non-binary people to have difficulties with family accepting their identity, it's not the only aspect of their family life. The portrayal that they all have awful home lives or all of their relationships ignores all of the other complexities with being a human, and puts their gender at the forefront of their identity rather than being an aspect of it.

Thanks! this is really helpful. I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Hello! Non-binary here with a couple of enby friends. The first thing I want to mention is that being non-binary is a massive spectrum with many places to fall. I am a demigirl, which means that I lay pretty much at the halfway point between girl and agender. Just because someone uses they/them pronouns does not mean they don't have a gender. Some people who are bigender, or have two genders, can also use they/them pronouns. How you write your character depends heavily on where they fall on the spectrum. However, it is also perfectly fine for your character to identify as non-binary, with no other label attached. It all really depends. I would suggest looking up a list of non-binary genders and seeing if one particularly speaks to you. Happy writing!