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Friendship



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Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:57 pm
acm says...



I have two characters in the short story I'm currently writing who are best friends and have been for years. I have given them opposite personalities, so they could balance each other our. One is enthusiastic, quick thinking, and slightly impulsive, whereas her friends thinks things through, is more cautious, and has realistic goals. The thing is, they have such different personalities that every time they have playful arguments or joke around with each other, it reads like there might be some anger or resentment under the surface.

The second friend ends up following her against his better judgement, and she normally sees reason after she is able to see the effects of her actions. She never really listens to her friend until it is too late.

Even though they both have differences, the two always have good intentions. Thought the first friend might unintentionally offend others, she is always sorry in the end. The second friend might not stand up for himself often, but when it matters most, he can stand up for his friendship.

I don't want to change their character traits, but some advice on how to strengthen their friendship would be really helpful.
  





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Tue Jul 12, 2016 5:40 pm
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Rosendorn says...



Alright, the thing about friends who are opposites is, they usually have a few things that pull them together that aren't immediately visible on the surface. My best friend and I are in a very similar situation— opposites but values align— and it ends up being a case of "We agree that people need to stop hurting, we wildly disagree on the best course of action to get there, but we also agree that the other side has a point."

To give you an idea just how opposite we are, we are described as "A straight Christian military girl" to "A bi atheist anti establishment witch"... among other differences, but those are the starkest.

We also share a lot. We write, we love history, we love mythology (but, again, opposites— she loves Greek myth, I love Indian), share fandoms, share how our brains work (our logic processes are nearly identical, and we can understand stuff about each other that the rest of society doesn't get), and share a passion to see others not get hurt (only, she errs more on the 'caretaker' side, helping those behind the scenes, and I err more on the 'educating' side, on the front lines).

But we disagree. A lot. We have some points that will never really reconcile because our traits are that different, and I will always end up having to watch myself I don't silence her by being zealous in educating poor assumptions when she's just talking and trying to work through her own beliefs, while she will always have to watch that she doesn't make me feel invalidated by trying to understand why I'm upset when I really don't want to have a debate. But the thing is, we're willing to work at it and talk out when we do fight. She's changed my mind about some things, I've changed her mind about others.

Our opposites do indeed make us stronger, but it's only because we let them. There's a bit of an assumption that opposites automatically make for stronger, but opposites only make people stronger when they actively work to reconcile the two points of view. You have to show that they respect the other's side, that they see the other side as just as valid as the other. Even if there is a disagreement, I can see why she believes the way she does and she can see why I believe the way I do. We might not believe the same things (like, she's patriotic, and I'm... not) but we trust that it's best for the other to believe the way they do.

In the end, we compliment each other in what areas we cover. I am often a "front", where I go off and talk and protest and stand up for injustice, which she can't do. Meanwhile, she is more than willing to go behind the lines to those who are tired, wounded, empty, and tend them so they feel better and so they can work on getting back on their feet. She doesn't want to stand up on stage and deliver a speech on how to change behaviour, but she's willing to share the knowledge, which is just as important.

Another one of my best friends and I have a similar "opposites" pairing, where they are very assertive but need to remember to be compassionate, and I am very compassionate but I need to remember to be assertive. Our dynamic is a bit different in that we kind of consistently teach each other the skills we lack, but it's no less valid than the "you cover this area, I'll cover that" in the first friendship I described. We tend to alternate who is in what area based on what's needed, but we also have fairly unique views into the other's lives.

But, we are so opposites that people don't actually know we are friends. They think we're sworn enemies, because people do not understand how we work. This is common from the outside, but if one or both are viewpoint characters, you have lots of room to show the understanding and "valid point"s happening internally. On the other hand, for awhile we were considered a couple by absolutely everyone around us, so it can really depend on the timing and type of interaction first witnessed.

You need to establish the underlaying shared ground and the mutual respect. If there is no mutual respect, then there is no friendship. If there is no playing off each other and no teamwork, then opposites do end up battling each other. Both of the friendships I described above are friendships with years of history and lots of shared ground that we fall back on whenever our opposites come up in force. If we didn't have that, nothing would work.

Hope this helps!
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Fri Jul 15, 2016 10:21 am
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Noelle says...



Building off of what Rosey said.

The relationship will be built in the narration rather than the dialogue. If their conversations read like arguments that's fine, because that's how they are. You'll want to make it obvious in the dialogue tags and descriptions though that they are only joking or disagreeing. Body language can be a great asset in this case: a twinkle in the eye when they're joking, being in a relaxed state (rather than being stiff and holding back anger if they were really arguing). Show us how relaxed they are around each other and we'll be able to see their friendship for what it is.

If you have room, since this is a short story after all, you could always throw in stories from the past. Giving us an idea of how they've acted around each other before proves to us that they're really friends. Backstory is just as important, if not more important, as the present story. It builds on the events and relationships we're reading about.

Really, if you're direct with it we really won't question much. For example, if you started out the story saying "Character A is best friends with Character B" we'll accept it. Obviously you wouldn't say it like that, but the point still stands. Their different personalities and/or views might make us question their relationship a bit, but not too much because we know they're friends. That's definitely not a worry.
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