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Plot Development



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Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:06 pm
7whitewolf7 says...



Alright, let me give a "brief" description of my story... it's long :\
A woman prone to taking walks out at night ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time and ends up embroiled in what could almost pass for a swat mission. However the language she hears them speaking is not one that exists, a marriage between bell chimes and german would be close, they speak almost musically. She decides it would be best if they didn't see her, however the turn of events leads her into masquerading as one of the now apparent 'alien' beings. No matter how human they seem.....
The story goes in depth into the culture of this race which ends up being the 'father' of ours genetically and uses our planet almost like a cultured petri dish for experiments to improve themselves. These aliens have a superior attitude toward humans and the protagonist masquerading as one of them finds out that there is dissension in the ranks of the classes.
(Quick note - Language is not an issue as technology and circumstances take care of it as well as facial recognition problems... They don't realize she isn't who she says she is)
The overall ending is what concerns me. The ascended council which resides over the very caste dominant society used to search for 'understanding' however since not everyone ascended there came up a question - wouldn't it be better if they could 'boost' everyone up, as a thought is not a thought unless someone has thought it, and everyone has the capability for thought.
Reactions to this caused disagreement in the very 'telepathic-like union' the ascended shared. The understanding of why it had not originally been so had been lost and because such disagreement was harmful to them as a whole so they stopped disagreeing and lost something. What did they lose? Nothing really, except that the state of their minds changed and gradually they became warped as nothing was done to fix it. Their quest for understanding changed to 'knowledge', and then to 'power'. They would not let others ascend on their own and would instead review those who showed promise of doing so and decide whether to 'promote' them. Their method of dealing with those whose principles did not align with theirs became harsher, and with the resources they had, what once had been was forgotten or destroyed.
Our protagonist because of the help of a general (from the beginning of the story) has the capability to ascend herself and be an uncorrupted voice in the blackness, however one other who showed promise of ascending (but with the council's favor) tries to stop her and they both end up ascending together, separate from the corruption of the council, but with a new understanding of each other.
A.K.A - There is no 'good' or 'bad' and with the two's acceptance of each other, rather than their destruction, they hold the ability to heal the corruption that has been done to the council, and be a leading force..... Her, for humanity, and what had been done to them. He, for what the council had done to his people. Different versions but in reality the same. To help guide everyone away from trying to lay blame and be a voice of understanding. What was originally shrived for but with an understanding of itself.
I'd like to hear everyone's opinion on the moral of this story, whatever you think.
(Another note - There's a lot of the story left out here, how she got from A to B, and much of the flavor is only hinted at, but I would still like any advice you might be able to give for the Plot)
Thanks! I really appreciate it!
  





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Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:33 pm
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LadySpark says...



OKAY SO. Hi there.

First off, bell chimes =/= german. German is very low and guttural sounding. Look up german voices and listen to how they talk. When you say bell chimes I think of Tinker Bell. It's practically impossible to imagine as a language. These two descriptions are literally at opposite ends of the spectrum.

She decides it would be best if they didn't see her, however the turn of events leads her into masquerading as one of the now apparent 'alien' beings. No matter how human they seem.....


Wait, what? One, how on earth does she go from hiding to pretending to be one of them? What spurs this? Why does she not believe they're human?

(Quick note - Language is not an issue as technology and circumstances take care of it as well as facial recognition problems... They don't realize she isn't who she says she is)


If they're superior to us, how can they not see who she is? (Also, how far in the future is this story set? What you're describing is not 2016, that's for sure.) How does an average woman disguise herself from these beings? Why does an average woman do this?

You say that the ending is what concerns you, but I've got to be frank with you when I say the entire thing you're describing to me concerns me. There is a lot of gaps and holes in what you're telling me and it honestly doesn't look like you've thought it out much at all.

The rest of your plot almost doesn't make any sense to me. You're just rambling about good and evil but we don't even know what these beings are doing, who they are, why they're there... Since these beings created humans, don't they already have power? Why are they searching for more power. And to that note, to what extent do these beings have control over humans, if at all?


I need you to think about why. Why is she doing this? Why are they doing this? You don't really give an answer to that question at all during this entire post. I also want you to think about how she does all this. You mention a general once somewhere in the post, but you don't really expand on what that is. What exactly is her purpose? What's her end goal. I think you need to take a long, hard look at this novel and realize that there are a lot of gaps you need to fill in before this story starts to make sense. I wish you luck! Let me know if you have any questions!
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Mon Feb 01, 2016 3:04 am
7whitewolf7 says...



Well, I have that written out, however I was trying not to write to much on here. If you are ignoring those questions, because i do address them, is my spouting out of good and evil too cliche? Do you think that is a good point for something to be based off of?
  





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Mon Feb 01, 2016 8:04 pm
Kale says...



It's hard to say because the gaps in your summary make seeing how it all fits together really difficult. If you want a more solid opinion, providing the information that answers the issues Spark brought up will really help.

Right now though, I'm left wondering "What is the point of all of this?" because too many of the motivations and too much significance behind the events and actions you've laid out are missing.

The execution will be what ultimately determines whether things will be cliche or not, or interesting or not, but right now, you haven't provided us with enough information to figure out how you're planning to execute this.

What are your main goals in writing this? What kind of story do you want to tell? What are the main themes you are trying to convey?

If you could answer those questions and provide the background information that you say you have written up but didn't include, that would be helpful.
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Tue Feb 02, 2016 3:34 am
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Tecumseh says...



You got a whole lot of questions, and I know if I were asked that many questions I'd be daunted, so in case you are discouraged, don't be!

What helped me immensely in planning my story arcs and deciding endings is K. Weilland's Secrets Of Story Structure and How To Write Character Arcs because it breaks everything down into steps and asks really good questions. While I as a reader of what you put on the forum have my own questions based on what little I know, It looks like you've got enough fleshed out in your head at least where those two links will be immensely helpful in ratcheting the details of your plot together.
  








For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle