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LGBT Romance - advice please!



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Wed Aug 05, 2015 8:53 am
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WarriorCoop says...



I'm not entirely sure if this is where I should post this, so if it's wrong, feel free to move/remove it.

I started a new story a few weeks ago. As usual, my characters have developed minds of their own, and two of my female characters have the beginnings of a romance going on. I didn't indent on having a LGBT romance in the story - not that there's anything wrong with that, but Romance isn't exactly my forte - but that's the turn the story has taken and I don't want to take it out. Removing that would be removing a large portion of the story, and it's developing nicely. In fact, the rest of the plot now involves them being a couple.

The only problem is, I've never really written romance before, much less LGBT romance. I have no idea how to go about it, so if anyone can give me any advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replies!
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Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:47 pm
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Carlito says...



Hello!

Let's start with this. Have you been in a relationship before, or do you know anyone that's been in a relationship before? Think about how those relationships develop and what happens in those relationships.
-You have to meet
-You get to know one another
-You discover mutual interests/likes/compatibility
-You realize you like this person as more than a friend
-You go on a some dates
-You hold hands/hug/kiss/make out/have sex/etc.
-You meet each others friends
-You meet each others parents
-You continue hanging out and growing closer and developing deeper feelings for one another
-You fall in love

Obviously there is considerable variation in how relationships develop and the order in which things happen, and what happens at all. ^That was merely an example.

Also, even if a relationship has all of that, that doesn't mean every single one of those things needs to make the book. You don't need to give us every single conversation that leads up to them realizing they like each other unless that's integral to the plot. You don't need to show the first time they hold hands or hug unless that is integral to the plot.

Another thing to remember is that this is a novel, this is not fairy-tale land, so there has to be conflict. Any part or component of a relationship can have conflict. Maybe one girl is fighting her feelings towards the other girl. Maybe they live in a really conservative town so them going out on a date would be taboo. Maybe their parents or friends don't support them. (These are REALLY common in LGBT romance novels, so don't be afraid to come up with something different!)

Now another thing to consider, is that the romance does not have to be focal part of the story. I know Lots and Lots of literary agents are actively seeking more diverse books, and I know Lots and Lots want LGBT characters. Another big movement is that they don't necessarily want the nonheterosexualness to be the focal point of the story. What I mean by that is, there can be a lesbian relationship and that can be a big part of the story, but the source of conflict is not the lesbian relationship. It's just an accepted, normal thing. If you go that route, you'll need to include conflict elsewhere. Maybe there's a corruption scandal in the local government that the characters need to reveal. Maybe they're about to go on a big, exciting spring break road trip but then everything goes wrong.

I would also recommend reading some LGBT literature. You don't want to copy-cat, but that will give you a sense of what's out there, what common tropes are, what's missing in this genre, how the authors develop their characters and the relationship, etc.

Some books I liked that have LGBT relationships:
-Keeping You a Secret by Julie Ann Peters
-Tessa Masterson Will Go to Prom by Emily Franklin
-Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green
-Freakboy by Kristen Elizabeth Clark (told in verse)

For me, books that I think do a really, really good job with romance (heterosexual or not) have a few things in common:
1. They show how the relationship develops
2. They allow us to really get to know both characters so both characters feel like real people
3. They show us why the two people like one another/why they're in love

The common theme there is show. I want to feel the emotions your characters are feeling right along with them. I want to know what they're thinking. I want to feel like I'm in the moment right along with them. Think about dialogue. Think about facial expressions. Think about subtle actions (touching an arm or brushing hair off of their face) that show how they care. Think about ways you can tell someone cares about or loves you. Make us care about your characters as people, and then make us fall in love right alongside them.

And then at the end of the day, trial and error. Write it. Try it out. See how it goes. When you're ready, ask for feedback (here or elsewhere) and people will be able to give you some specific advice about what you're already doing well, and how you can make it feel more real. I personally LOVE reading & writing romance of all kinds, so let me know if you post any of it on here, and I'd be happy to take a look!

Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing :)
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Wed Aug 05, 2015 4:52 pm
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Rosendorn says...



So the thing about LGB+ romances is they don't work out the same way as straight romances... basically ever. I would very much not use heterosexual relationships as models simply because the factors towards getting together in a same sex relationship are so much different. There's also how the dynamics within a relationship are much looser, because gender roles basically don't exist. Each same sex relationship has to figure out the dynamics on their own, based on each person's traits and where they fit best. Forget any and all stereotypes about how same sex relationships go and write them out as characters, because stereotypes very rarely are true to life.

I would also like to note you can get better at writing romance without ever being in a relationship! The thing to remember is developing how your characters will be in a romantic relationship, which is just another aspect of character building akin to how they interact with the world around them. Figure out what works for them, how they show affection, and what they consider to be a good relationship— you could end up with somebody who hates anything that even resembles traditional dating and the most romantic thing their partner could do for them is offer to go frog hunting. Just saying.

The biggest thing you have to consider with a same sex couple is that society, as a whole, is tremendously homophobic and whenever somebody LGB+ meets somebody there is a fairly large hurdle: is this person a compatible orientation with me?

As a result, I've found queer romances to be much more "friends first we did not meet in a context where you normally meet dates" because that's the only way people can be sure the person actually is gay/into same sex relationships. The exceptions being if you meet at a pride centre or gay bar, but if your characters are underage then gay bars are basically out of the question. Also, my experience with pride events involves very little romance because the spaces are more set up to get away from homophobia and hang out, not so much "meet others". Not to mention pride spaces, including gay bars, are full of allies (or people trying to get LGB+ people to change their minds...), so even then, not everybody is available in the orientation sense.

The next thing you have to consider the society. There is a reason things like conservative towns and unsupportive parents/friends are really common: basically every LGBT+ person I know experiences that somewhere. As I said above, society is, as a whole, homophobic as all get out. You can rarely go a day without some sort of homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic comment. Sometimes people get lucky and find safe havens where they can escape it, and some people get lucky with supportive parents/adopted parents/"we're your parents now that you've been kicked out", but in my experience at least these situations are rarer than they should be.

It can be nice to read about something supportive, just to give some kids a little hope, but sadly that isn't possible for everybody. For me a happy ending is more important than how difficult the situation was, and the realism of the situation is always important. There is a huge spectrum of homophobia from "just do it over there" to fetishization to invasive questions to not wanting to hear about it. All of them are hurtful and they can appear less extreme than kicked out, but they still require people to hide part of themselves and can lead to some really nasty feelings.

I would add a serious addendum to the advice "read lit featuring queer couples": read works written by queer people about queer couples. Unfortunately, straight authors can and will misrepresent it simply by the fact they're straight. They haven't lived it. If you want to hear actual LGBT+ voices, you can't rely on the straight-told narratives. Out of the books Carlito gave, only Keeping Your Secret is written by an explicitly lesbian author. Will Grayson, Will Grayson is co-written by David Levithan, who is gay, but I would still take it with a grain of salt.

Books written by queer people about queer people might be far harder to find, but they will get you a much better representation of what our lives are like than if you read stuff by straight people trying to guess.

If you have any specific questions, I would suggest to ask members of Queer Inklings. Basically everybody there is some sort of queer, and you'll get answers about your questions from a variety of personal experience. There is also this guide, also written by somebody queer, to give you an idea how to build the characters.
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Fri Aug 07, 2015 11:15 pm
GrayLynx says...



I've been in gay relationships before and the main differences are they're very loose. The spiritual elements generally come from having similar life goals and helping one another with similar purposes. You really have to have someone you can connect with mentally more than physically.

Otherwise, on the surface anyway, they just seem like friendships. Talk is way more intimate when in privacy, however, which is especially odd by society's standards when it's two guys, as is in my cases. Mostly we talk about aspirations and dreams, whereas with in male on male friendships I talk about activities.
  





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Wed Sep 30, 2015 3:54 am
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Stori says...



It would be nice to see a relationship that lasts in your work. Too many stories today, straight or otherwise, focus on the characters falling in love and don't reveal where they are ten years down the road.
  








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