Young Writers Society

" I reluctantly picked up the package that was seeming to burn a hole in the floor because I felt that if I didn't give it to her that she wouldn't leave, but in my heart I knew she would leave anyways. Stepping off the porch I walk over to where Guinevere and her parents were they are packing her car with her belongings."

What is above is what we need help fleshing out. we have a summery of our story but this is really the only place we are having problems and decided to ask someone besides each other for help. I will put the summery at the end.

We are currently working in google docs so if you need any more of the story I could add you in so you caan view the story so far but help would be greatly appreciated.

Summery:

Best friends who are rarely apart, Guinevere Elwood (but most call her Guin. except for Bryce) and Bryce Duval, finally decide to take their relationship a step further. Its late in their junior year of high school, but that following summer is when “the fallout” happened.
About a month before their senior year of school starts they go their own ways, but when schools starts back up they are hit with a different reality. They can't avoid one another, and in truth they both needed each other.
Its graduation and things finally seem normal once again until Guinevere breaks the news to Bryce, “I’ve decided I am going to travel the U.S. for a year!”
Seven years later Guin has saved enough to travel the U.S. and is packing up her things when Bryce gives her a package with instructions for her not to open it till she arrives at her first hotel. Inside the package is a laptop and a note from Bryce.

In short, you're looking for another co-writer, am I correct?

no just an outside oppinion

I might be able to help. Can you tell me what exactly do you need help with? And, by "fleshing out", do you mean descriptions/details and such?

The only way I could really show you is if i Could add you in on the document and by fleshing out I mean, What we have now seems kind of rushed and its not what we want we need to find a way to slow it down some and prolong the scene a little more

Ah, I get it. In that case, I can help.

Thank you so much

No problem!
You can put your story on WriterFeed Pad, accessed through YWS, and I can comment on it.

I can do that But how do I get to Writerfeed Pad?

1. Click on the "Me" tab on top of your page.
2. Choose "WriterFeed Pad".
3. Sign in using your YWS username and password.
4. On the right side, there'll be a button saying, "Create a Pad" or something similar.
5. Click on it and paste your chapter on the space provided. Save it.
6. PM me the link to it.

Let me know if this helps.

EDIT: The link you sent in the PM doesn't work.